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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28337499">The sexual awakening of Steve Rogers</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/aLoggedInReader/pseuds/aLoggedInReader'>aLoggedInReader</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Awkward Steve, Bucky is trying way too hard, F/M, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, The Avengers are all little children at heart, discussing sexuality, sometimes female Loki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:07:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>53,634</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28337499</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/aLoggedInReader/pseuds/aLoggedInReader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve's life has always been complicated, but he did not know just how much of a rollercoaster it could become until Bucky came to stay with him.<br/>Bucky is trying to be helpful and get Steve to live a little, but between being a hundred years old and having only lived a couple of those years, as an assassin for Hydra to boot, he tends to miss the mark now and then.</p>
<p>Adding an Asgardian prince in exile to the mix surprisingly does not make things easier.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Steve Rogers/Loki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>116</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>124</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Steve told Peggy that he had never talked to a woman for longer than maybe a minute or so he had spoken nothing but the honest to god, painful truth. It was not for a lack of trying on his part, or at least it was not only that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When it came to trying to chat up a lady the way Bucky did, Steve had stopped trying years ago. What was even the point when basically all of them took a good look at him and immediately decided that he was wasting their time anyway?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, there were other situations when talking to a lady was less a choice and more of a necessity. For the most part, Steve could get away with just a line or two and as long as there was a purpose for those he could deal without making a tool out of himself. Most of the time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was that one time when Steve had for once had just a little money on the side and Bucky had insisted that he should just go and buy himself a real sketchbook. A reckless decision given their economic situation for sure, but Steve had often been powerless against Bucky’s suggestions, especially when his best friend managed to tap into one of the things Steve really wanted but would have denied himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So off to the store he went, not expecting anything out of the ordinary. After all small purchases were among the rare occasions when Steve exchanged a couple of words with women without having to think about it twice. Purchasing something was a very straightforward process. They had something with a price tag that Steve wanted and Steve had the money that they wanted. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. (Why Bucky laughed for a good five minutes when Steve tried to explain this way of thinking to him, Steve did not know. It also took him too damn long to understand what Bucky meant when he said that his interactions with ladies in dancehalls and the like were not that different, all things considered.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, the moment Steve chose the sketchbook he wanted and counted out the coins to pay for it, the lady behind the counter simply had to ask him, if he was an artist of something. Bucky would never let him forget the moment when Steve blurted out an emphatic ‘No! I just draw and try to sell the drawings!’. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Later on, much later on really, Peggy would of course become the first lady Steve was comfortable talking to. It helped that they had come across each other again and again after every time that Steve made a complete fool out of himself in front of her. After some time their shared experiences had done the rest and… Steve could still safely say that he had never felt more comfortable around a lady.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was just his luck, or their luck, that they never got the chance to see how far they could take their developing relationship.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now when it came to how far Steve had ever taken anything with any lady… . It should never be said that the USO girls did not know how to be very persuasive. Pushy, more like. And Steve? Steve had never known how to back down from a challenge until he was so in over his head that he just had to keep going in the vague hope of reaching the end of the tunnel before the darkness could swallow him whole. Conversations had not been a part of any of that and if Bucky thought he ever heard even half of it… .</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After the ice, Natasha was the first woman Steve actually talked to. It was surprisingly easy and went well, helped by the fact that Natasha knew how to keep any conversation going, if it suited her. It also did not hurt that Natasha was one of the boys in most ways, even if it was impossible to forget that she was in fact a very attractive woman. In a way, Natasha often reminded Steve of Peggy. Not in the way Peggy had made his heart beat faster and his hands sweaty, but in the way she simply walked into a very much male dominated field and made everyone just make space for her by mere presence alone. Apart from Natasha though, the less said about it, the better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silence worked very well for Steve until Bucky came back into his life. There was not much place for silence after that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To be quite honest, it was not that Bucky talked a whole lot. No, compared to the Bucky Steve had known, this one was very withdrawn and taciturn. Steve was far from complaining when he had feared that Bucky would simply disappear and go on being the ghost Natasha had described after everything that had happened in Washington only to find Bucky stand on his doorstep looking like he had kicked a ball through a window and was afraid to go home and face his mother. Hell no, Steve was not going to complain about anything Bucky threw at him, or more likely that others threw at him because of Bucky, when Bucky had decided to come home to him and stay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were moments though when this version of Bucky and his former self seemed to melt into one and he used the few words that came over his lips to say just the right thing to get Steve flustered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still don’t know how to talk to women,” Bucky commented as they were sitting on the couch, watching a documentary about tigers of all things. Steve actually had to wonder, if Bucky really wanted to learn about tigers, or if they had simply both decided to leave control over the remote to the other and thus were stuck with the channel they were on. Then again, it sure looked like Bucky was not all that interested in tigers just then. “You never did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s right,” Steve confirmed, trying not to sound too awkward. Bucky’s statement had sounded more like a question though, so Steve had been forced to answer. As much as Steve was trying to simply get Bucky used to a rather normal day to day life, part of that was dealing with the past that Bucky could not quite remember. Most of the time Steve did not mind the reminiscing, did in fact like talking to someone who had been there and had lived through these things a whole lot. Bucky’s chosen topic of the evening was not one Steve was looking forward too much though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm,” Bucky hummed, before he fixed his eyes on the TV screen again. If he was actually more interested in the tigers than he was in embarrassing Steve further, Steve did not know. He did know what had brought all this on though. It had to be the delivery girl dropping off the pizzas they had ordered and who had tried to engage Steve in a conversation that was more than ‘keep the change’. Steve would dare guess that there was at least one more person who knew that Captain America was a huge dork out there now. Who the hell answered someone saying ‘I didn’t know Captain America liked pizza’ by stammering ‘I like Chinese too’?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… uhm… don’t know,” Steve added a little helplessly. It had seemed like a good idea to keep the conversation going since he had not heard Bucky laugh as hard as he had when Steve made an ass of himself this century. The fact that Steve really did not know what to say about that particular topic made all good intentions null and void though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t know what?” Bucky questioned, keeping his eyes fixed on the tigers eating a buffalo in a way that made Steve vaguely uncomfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A whole lot of stuff,” Steve answered impulsively and stupidly, since that was not what Bucky had meant and he knew it.  “I meant, I don’t know why, but yeah, some things don’t change.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How else was Steve going to explain something that he had never understood to begin with anyway? Granted, he had problems reacting to everyone who was showing too much appreciation for Captain America, males and females, but when it came to women the simplest conversations could turn into minefields he did not know how to navigate. It was strange as well, since it looked like women were talking about the same topics that men did more often these days than they had back in the day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That why you’re alone?” Bucky asked, making it a clear question rather than a statement this time. Steve could not help thinking that it kind of sounded like Bucky had just pointed something out and was not really asking though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… suppose so?” Steve replied with a light shrug. It looked like women now and then did not exactly appreciate the kind of guy who would stumble over his own tongue every other minute. That was not when they planned to actually spend time that included talking with him. Steve had very little doubt that there were a bunch of women who would do as the USO girls and just make do without any kind of longer conversation. At least, Steve had learned to get out of situations like that with his virtue as intact as it had been before over the years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They had that in the intel about you, you know? That you’re isolated and alone,” Bucky stated so factually that Steve had to look into his eyes to figure out just how close to the Winter Soldier they were that moment. The recognition Steve could see in Bucky’s eyes said that they were not that close to anything dangerous. Bucky’s entire body language said that he was uncomfortable though. “They were wrong about that. Kinda.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They were,” Steve confirmed, putting his hand on Bucky’s shoulder as firmly as he dared when Bucky was not in the best place mentally. Sure, Bucky might have spoken of Natasha, Sam, Fury and all the others who had helped stop project insight, but Steve was not going to not include Bucky when they were talking about the people close to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky nodded and then leaned back into the cushions and continued watching the tigers like nothing out of the ordinary had just happened. It was fair enough since technically a talk between friends should not have registered as something out of the ordinary to begin with. Steve did not expect for them to talk again for a good long while after that, but it looked like Bucky was setting out to surprise him that day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’re we watching fucking tigers? Of all the things I don’t need to know about… .”</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Steve was not stupid and he was only about half as naive as everyone seemed to think. He knew that he could not simply have Bucky move in with him and then sit back and wait for the miraculous return of the very same best friend who had fallen to his apparent death decades ago. Steve was very aware of the fact that Bucky needed more than just a home, food, entertainment to catch up to the world and as much peace as Steve could ever provide for anyone. The problem was that more often than not Steve did not know how to provide these things even for himself, let alone for another person. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then again, it seemed like Bucky was only about half as far gone as everyone kept telling Steve he was and knew rather well what he needed himself. So when he saw a chance, he took it and ran with it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, it looked like what Bucky needed was a mission.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At first, Steve did not think it was all that unusual when Bucky asked for them to order food more often. To be honest, Steve knew he was not that great a cook and while Bucky was faring a little better in that department, he would not always want to cook for them. The fact that Bucky was never the one to open the door was not strange either. Somebody needed to take cover behind the couch and aim at the intruder with a gun that always made a reappearance no matter how often it was taken away and Steve was not going to play that part. So yes, the fact that there were a whole lot of delivery people coming and going every day was not what made Steve catch on to the fishiness of the situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He did notice that more often than not delivery girls were coming to their door after a while, though. Call him vain, but Steve kind of assumed that their address had made the rounds in the delivery circle and that the women simply wanted to meet him in person. He would have thought it was about them rather than only him, but Bucky always remained firmly out of sight during those encounters, so it could hardly be about him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve was even a little proud to say that after that one time with the pizza lady, he had never botched a little bit of smalltalk quite that badly again. Granted, he had told the delivery girl for the Chinese place that he did like pizza as well, but it was all uphill from there, if saying that the weather was particularly nice, or bad on any given day counted as progress. He was not proud to admit that he had not asked Bucky what the hell was going on when Bucky kept throwing topics for smalltalk at him right after he came back with their food and Bucky went from paranoid to hungry once again though. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What really blew the entire operation Bucky had set up was the fact that two weeks in a very big, even from Steve’s perspective, man named Bruno stood in front of the door with their order of Mexican food who told Steve very sternly, that it was not acceptable to promise big tips, if the delivery was done by women willing to chat. All his life, Steve had been made fun of for his easy it was to make him blush, but he was sure he had never reached that level of red that quickly before. He had also never felt quite as awkward giving someone a big tip, especially once Bruno muttered ‘so that was enough chatting for you’ on the retreat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The fact that Bucky laughed his head off in a way Steve had not been sure he was even able to anymore the moment Bruno had left the building, was very weak as far as consolation went.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Since deliveries were not going to happen for a long while after all that, Steve had to start brushing up his cooking skills from then on. Bucky was more than willing to do his share most days, but there were moments when he simply did not want or was not able to safely operate a somewhat modern kitchen. Steve did not want both of them to go to bed either hungry or nauseous from his cooking on all of these days, so he stuck to the recipes he knew very well and then after those got too repetitive suggested going to a bookstore to find some cookbooks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As much as Steve had expected for Bucky to either shoot the entire idea down, or in the very least say that he was not going to go anywhere close to public places while most people were out and about, Bucky only looked thoughtful for a long moment and then asked for the glove Tony had made for him to hide the metal arm. After hunting the thing down and rather awkwardly working together on getting it over Bucky’s arm in the way it was meant to fit, they were ready to go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve truly appreciated everything Tony was willing to do for the both of them despite not having any kind of obligation to do anything, but half the time he came up with things that Bucky claimed interfered with his freedom of movement or sight or something alike too much for comfort. That moment for example nobody would have been able to tell that Bucky did not have two flesh and blood arms, even when touching his left, but apparently the glove did not give Bucky the full movement he was used to, so he did not like it. Not that Steve was able to tell where the difference was when Bucky made every normal movement any person would without it looking awkward or restricted in any way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ask the salesperson Stevie,” Bucky suggested the moment they set foot into the bookstore. Steve would have liked to have a minute or two for just browsing, but the way Bucky looked at him made him reconsider immediately. Sure, Bucky was holding his own very well, but Steve thought he looked impatient to get out of the store and back home already. Steve knew better than to ignore signs like that, especially since he could not count on Bucky giving him clearer ones before everything went South.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay,” Steve agreed, but before he could start looking for someone, Bucky was already pushing him toward one he must have spotted the moment Steve only just started looking. He could not say that he was surprised that Bucky wanted them, or very likely him, to ask a woman for help. It very likely did not hurt that she was apparently around their physical age and was definitely a looker. As ridiculous as it was, but Steve felt his throat get narrower. In fact, remembering all those delivery girls, Steve’s hands were getting sweaty faster than usually even. It was the nervousness that he would at least partly blame Bucky for that made Steve blurt ‘I want to cook’ instead of saying anything subtler and more appropriate as an opener.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It all went downhill from there. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“Nat, he needs to stop!” Steve told Natasha in the voice of a long suffering man a couple of hours later. It was not an overreaction!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As things were, Steve could not dare to have anything, not only food, delivered, but he could not go to any shops either after Bucky had made it perfectly clear that he could and would push Steve toward any and all women that were unlucky enough to come too close to them. Of course, Bucky would make himself as unnoticeable as he could the moment the women noticed them and let Steve do the conversing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve very faintly remembered a time when he had sort of wished for Bucky to give him a chance to talk and be witty instead of simply taking the reins from the beginning. How little had he known of what a wish like that might entail!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It did not help that with every failed attempt and with every time he made a complete idiot out of himself in front of yet another woman, Steve felt himself grow more and more anxious to try again. Then of course Bucky forced him to try and fail again immediately afterward. At this rate he was going to never talk to any woman without breaking out into cold sweat and thinking about running away ever again!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you tell him yourself?” Natasha asked, raising an eyebrow in a perfect arch that made Steve realize that she too was a woman. That alone was enough to get his nerves to act up after the past few weeks!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did, but he’s not listening to me,” Steve explained in as close to a whine as he could allow himself to. He could talk to Natasha, he had always been able to talk to Natasha and Bucky was not going to throw her at him anytime soon, so that was fine. Now if Bucky ever met Wanda… .</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so you think I just go in there and tell him ‘tovarishch, stop pushing Steve toward women, it makes him uncomfortable’ and he’ll stop?” Natasha questioned with a snort that should have deterred Steve from wanting to give a positive answer. It did not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope so,” Steve admitted, at least weakening his answer a little. Then again, he did have a rather good argument to make, or so he thought. “He respects you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was why Steve was reasonably sure that Bucky would not pick Natasha up randomly and put her right into Steve’s lap anyway. From the moment Bucky had shown up on his doorstep and Steve had let his teammates in on what was happening one by one, Bucky had made it rather obvious that the Black Widow was somebody he considered an equal. The others? Not so much. To be fair, sometimes Bucky got along with everyone and anyone, kind of reminding Steve of his old self, but then there were the days when he judged them all by their ability to take him down. There were no winners on those days, except for Natasha and in a way Steve. Steve thought that Bucky judged him less by his ability to take Bucky down and more by Bucky’s own inability to take him down permanently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, he really doesn’t,” Natasha commented dryly, “But he’s probably aware that I’m the only one who’ll put a bullet in his brain without hesitation, if he doesn’t behave himself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, Natasha,” Steve begged as nicely as he was able to. He was not even quite sure if he was begging her to stop talking about things he did not want to think about, or to help him with his initial request. Both were very good causes worthy of begging on his knees, if he had to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything for the captain,” Natasha finally agreed with the slightest upturn of her lips that made Steve think he had just made a mistake once again.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks to everyone who has read so far and to everyone who left kudos!<br/>It means a lot to me to know that people are reading and hopefully enjoying this! If anyone wanted to leave a review, I would be very happy. :-)</p>
<p>Happy New Year everyone!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>There was a party going on in Steve’s kitchen and he was not invited. If it had not been clear enough that the very exclusive guest list did not include him by the fact that there was a whole lot of spoken Russian that did not let up even after both Bucky and Natasha had definitely noticed that he was there, the fact that neither of them made a move to get out a third glass for him would have been enough of a sign by itself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So Steve retreated under the critical gaze of a Russian and one American who at times forgot that he was not Russian and went to his bedroom to give them their space. Granted, he had sort of asked Natasha for this, but he had a feeling that whatever was going on in detail was something he had not meant to start.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If his dreams were filled with very unfriendly faces speaking gibberish that sounded Russian to him and was just as impossible to understand as the real deal, Steve was not going to mention it to anyone, even if it made him toss, turn and sweat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He could not have been asleep much longer than an hour when he became very aware of his vulnerable position all laid out on his stomach without any protection whatsoever. It was about the most uncomfortable feeling Steve could imagine waking up to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Stevie,” Bucky said in what was probably meant to be a whisper, but was in fact too loud to be one. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“‘M sleeping,” Steve pointed out, even though he had nearly jumped out of his skin just a moment earlier. He might not have been in full control of his mental capacities yet, but to say that he was still asleep was not true at all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can see that,” Bucky answered with a light shrug that would have earned him a glare, if Steve had not chosen to pull the blanket over his head before he could decide that a glare would have been the way to go. “Sorry for the whole mess with the women.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh… mhm… kay, thanks,” Steve replied dumbly, finally turning over and pulling the blanket away from his face so he could look at Bucky. Under different circumstances, he would have taken that moment to ask if Natasha was responsible for the man bun going on in Bucky’s head, but he did not get the chance to say anything before Bucky continued to talk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The Widow says I scarred you for life and kinda made you afraid of girls,” Bucky stated bluntly, making Steve blink a couple of times. Not that it did much good when Bucky had not bothered to turn any lights on and Steve did not feel like making them both cringe by hitting a lightswitch now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh-huh,” Steve commented noncommittally, because he was by no means sure he liked where this was going or where it had gone already. Then again, it did sound like Bucky would stop trying to push him into talking to any and all women they met and that was something that was definitely good. Steve also thought that he was much too sleepy to have that kind of conversation, but they were about done with it anyway, right?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“‘S not what I wanted. Didn’t think you mightn’t be into it,” Bucky added sounding apologetic and about ready to just leave and let Steve sleep again.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Thanks Bu-” Steve started to say before he fully realized what Bucky had said and shot up to sit in bed ramrod straight. “Wait! Natasha thinks I’m gay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So five minutes later Steve and Bucky were sitting in the kitchen with Steve nursing a headache and a cup of coffee and Bucky grabbing a carton of ice cream Steve had not known they had from the fridge. What were the chances that Bucky was hiding ice cream from him and where would Bucky get the stuff when he was only ever going out with Steve to begin with? Maybe Natasha had brought the ice cream along. That would at least explain something. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thinking of Natasha made Steve’s temples throb once again, which reminded him of why he had grabbed Bucky and dragged him to the kitchen to begin with. “Okay, start at the point where Natasha thinks I’m… uhm…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Queer?” Bucky suggested with a light shrug. “I mean she sorta does, but not the way you think.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What other way is there?” Steve questioned dumbly, rubbing his temples that definitely felt like something was about to explode. Maybe they were conspiring to kill him. Two of his best friends were trying to take him out in a way that would look like natural causes to everyone else. Speak about Russian sleeper agents.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She just thinks you’re not sexual at all,” Bucky explained between spoonfuls of strawberry ice cream that Steve could not help thinking would have felt good pressed against his head just then. What were the chances that Bucky would get him some ice for his head, if he asked for it? Not that great, if Bucky was actually trying to kill him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey! There are like a dozen USO girls who would-” Steve started to protest before he realized what he was saying and abruptly stopped speaking. For a split second Steve hoped that Bucky could not put his words into context as sometimes happened when Steve mentioned something from the past, but that hope died very quickly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wow,” Bucky stated, adding a short whistle for good measure. “Like… at the same time?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No!” Steve exclaimed unable to even wrap his mind around the idea that he might have… . To be fair, Bucky probably envisioned something vastly different from the scenario Steve was thinking of. The version Steve had on his mind was mostly based on the way most of the girls had pretty much ambushed him after a show, luckily one after the other and not on the same day. Not that he was going to claim he had been completely against playing along, but for the most part he would have to say that he had been along for the ride while a woman he knew nothing about other than their first name had her wicked way with him. Strangely enough, they had all given him their first names, which was a strange thing to think about that moment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Damn, that would’ve been the hell of a story,” Bucky huffed in disappointment, which made Steve want to ask all kinds of questions that had nothing to do with what he actually needed to know. He probably did not want to hear the answers to those questions either.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bucky, what- ?” Steve started to ask, hoping that he was going to ask the right question instead of any of those still going through his head. Luckily Bucky for once did not give him the chance to mess up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not like she gave me the full profile! She just said I should stop pushing you to do stuff you don’t wanna and that included all kinds of sex,” Bucky answered, taking a long break to stuff some more ice cream into his face before he added, “Sounded like she knew what she was talking about.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I… uh… don’t know what to say to that,” Steve muttered, realizing that he really did not. Other than what he had already said that was. Any more details added to that story would not exactly speak against Natasha’s theory, Steve supposed, even though… well, he certainly felt like she was wrong.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just say that you’re happy with the way things are,” Bucky suggested before he chucked the apparently empty ice cream container into the sink to be rinsed out later.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am,” Steve confirmed, opting to let Bucky go with Natasha’s version of things at least for the moment. It seemed like a way to get Bucky off his back when it came to the entire dating stuff. Besides, he still did not know what to say to all that to actually prove Natasha wrong. He did know that he was going to make Bucky clean that damn container instead of just doing it himself like he did most times.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay then,” Bucky stated with a curt nod, before he clapped Steve’s shoulder just this side of too hard and declared, “I’m going to bed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What? Now?” Steve squawked without even the pretense of dignity. To his defense, it was four in the morning and Bucky had been the one to wake him up to begin with! “I’m wide awake!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tough luck, punk,” Bucky deadpanned in a way that reminded Steve by far too much of his old friend to be mad about it. He liked the new Bucky just fine, but it was still good to see that he was not a completely different person now and then. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Guess I’ll just go for a really early morning run,” Steve decided with a long suffering sigh. Actually, if he made it a moderately long early morning run, he could probably swing by the Avenger’s compound on the way back and give Natasha a piece of his mind over the entire business.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Try and keep it down when you get back, I need my sleep,” Bucky demanded just before he closed the door to his room behind him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve was nearly sure enough that Bucky was just trying to annoy him to put on some heavy boots for his run instead of sneakers just to make sure he would make all sorts of noise when he got back. Only nearly though.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The longer Steve jogged, the less he could claim to be angry over the way the night had gone. He had complained about Bucky and Natasha had acted to solve the problem. That was nothing to get upset over. Steve still could not figure out what the hell had led to the exact situation they were in now, so he decided to stop at a bakery and get some bagels before he went to knock on Natasha’s door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Most people in the compound were more than likely still sleeping, but if Steve knew Natasha at all… scratch that, as it turned out she had already set the table for two and had brewed coffee, so more than likely it was Natasha who knew him by far too well.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nat, why the hell did you tell Bucky that I’m asexual?” Steve questioned once Natasha had inspected the offering of bagels he had brought along and had deemed them acceptable. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If I told him you were gay, he’d start throwing men at you and then you’d be afraid to talk to everyone instead of just half the world,” Natasha pointed out logically while pouring the coffee and putting a single sugarcube and just the right amount of milk into Steve’s cup. Strange as that might sound, it were things like these that made Steve glad that Natasha was his friend and on their side, because with her attention to detail Steve had no doubt that she would have a million occasions to poison all of them or worse every single day.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s… that’s all there is to it?” Steve asked, sipping from his coffee in a show of appreciation that he did not have to fake in the slightest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure,” Natasha replied with a light shrug before she bit into the bagel and chewed carefully while watching Steve in a way that made it hard for him to judge if she was having a lot of fun at his expense, or was waiting for his next step. Most likely it was a mixture of both.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait, what do you mean ‘if I told him you were gay’?” Steve simply had to know once the cogs in his mind had turned enough to pick up on a possible double meaning in Natasha’s statement. Maybe he was simply being paranoid, but he was spending by far too much time with Bucky, Natasha and surprisingly to a lesser degree Tony not to be. “You mean, if you had used that as a lie instead, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re overthinking it,” Natasha laughed, kicking his shin under the table so lightly that he might have assumed she was trying to play footsie with him, if he had not known her better than that. Then again, if Natasha really thought that he was either asexual or tended toward men, that would put a completely new light on the fact that Natasha liked to flirt in his direction, but never made any real moves. In a way, Steve supposed, he also needed to consider that despite the flirting aimed at him and the fact that Natasha was a goddamn beautiful woman, he had never made any move either. Of course, she was his friend and coworker and he did not have to want to bed every woman he met not to be… .</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m… what?” Steve exclaimed a little indignantly, because he had not thought about any of these things at all until Natasha had told Bucky that Steve was asexual! Hell, he had not even thought of anything in connection with dating or whatever else before Bucky had started to try to push him toward women and even before that when Natasha had attempted much the same. So if he was overthinking anything, it was hardly his fault!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Steve, there’s only one expert on your sexuality and that’s you,” Natasha stated with conviction and just placatingly enough that Steve immediately deflated.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He definitely did not feel like an expert on anything though.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks to Ikajo for leaving a review! I think I have found and deleted the repetitions you mentioned.</p><p>Thanks to everyone who left kudos so far! Please consider leaving a review. They give me life. :-)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Weeks later Steve was still no closer to being the expert on his own sexuality as Natasha had called it. However he did know that simply letting Bucky believe that he was in fact asexual had caused a couple of changes for the better. Steve and Bucky could actually go grocery shopping without Steve dreading the moment Bucky spotted any woman he thought Steve should chat up for one. In fact, since Bucky fully accepted Steve’s claim that he was happy living with his best buddy, they could even go out and have a drink at a nearby bar every now and then. If Bucky mentioned any of the women they came across, it was purely to express an interest himself and not to tell Steve that he should be interested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All in all, Steve felt like he could breathe again, which did wonders for his ability to talk to women in a completely casual way. The pressure of always being judged was largely gone and since Bucky saw no reason to keep questioning whether Steve had gotten anyone’s number, he did not feel like a failure when he only paid for their groceries with a friendly ‘good morning’ and “have a nice day” and no further smalltalk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luckily, Bucky seemed to take all this as a confirmation that Natasha had been right about Steve being wound too tight before and not as a sign that Steve might be looking for a woman to date after all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The overall situation was in fact so pleasant that Steve was all too quickly lulled into a sense of security. A false sense of security.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“I, Loki Odinson, swear to never leave this compound without permission,” Loki stated so solemnly that the little hairs at the back of Steve’s neck immediately stood on edge in both suspicion and discomfort. Granted, he had been in favor of Thor bringing Loki to the compound, but at the time the decision to bring Loki to Earth had already been made and the only decision had been between having him where they could watch him or at another place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Continue, brother,” Thor demanded in a remarkably hard tone that was hardly ever heard coming from the usually jovial god, even when he was speaking to or about his wayward sibling. Maybe it was a result of Thor feeling at least a little guilty about simply showing up, Loki in tow, without giving anyone a chance to really think things through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“May the wrath of Odin come over me, may Thor’s thunder and lightning strike me down where I stand, may my own seidr burn me up, yadda yadda, blah blah blah, in case I do not keep my word,” Loki added monotonous and without the slightest hint of the passion he had shown before, rolling his eyes for good measure when he was done. The clap to the shoulder that nearly made him stumble forward inelegantly and did in fact dislodge some of his carefully slicked back hair made Loki glare at Thor with such intensity though that Steve could not help thinking that there should have been something about not making an attempt on anyone’s life in that vow as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are we done here?” Loki asked instead, looking at the people around who were not giving him any reaction whatsoever. Not that he minded. “Wonderful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve was rather sure that Tony was still thinking about having his lawyers draw up a contract that would basically limit Loki’s freedom to breathing and maybe eating and drinking now and then. As much as Steve knew he had to be against extreme measures like that, there was a certain merit to at least considering it this time around, especially if Loki would swear the same kind of oath concerning all the stipulations of that hypothetical contract.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Show me to my room!” Loki ordered, unbothered by the lack of response from anyone around. The choice to make that demand toward Natasha had not been the worst, since she only gave him the most sarcastic salute Steve had ever witnessed from anyone, and that was really saying something, and marched off toward the part of the compound holding personal quarters. No matter how little time Steve spent at the compound these days, he still hoped that Loki’s room would be very far from his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thor, are you absolutely sure we need him?” Clint questioned the moment he could be reasonably sure that Loki was out of earshot. Not that anyone would be able to blame him for asking when he was the one of them, other than Thor, who had suffered the most from Loki’s last visit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is no room for doubt, my friends,” Thor repeated so emphatically that Steve simply had to believe him. There were things way beyond Earth that none of them had any idea of and if Thor, who had more information than the rest of them, insisted that Loki would be an invaluable asset to have around once all these things came crashing down on them, Steve tended to take him serious. It helped that Thor was a damn bad liar, who would have most definitely given himself away a hundred times already, if he was trying to pull their leg for personal gain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would the end of days really be so bad?” Tony groaned, throwing his arms in the air for good measure. The ensuing silence was all the answer he would get and ended their discussion very effectively.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Since Steve had to make sure to spend more time at the compound, which Bucky absolutely refused to do, in the wake of the entire Loki situation, Steve and Bucky started to go out to get some quality buddy time in more regularly as well. In truth, Steve would have enjoyed staying home and watching some kind of pop culture movie they both had missed just as much, but it was a rather good sign that Bucky wanted to go out and be among people, so he would not say no to that either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even if it was likely another good sign that Bucky switched from throwing women at Steve to throwing himself at women on good evenings, Steve could not quite help feeling like he was reliving a part of his life that he had not enjoyed that much the first time around. Bucky was happily flirting though, so that was nothing to object against. By the time Bucky took things far enough to tell Steve not to expect him back at the apartment before morning, Steve had let so many little steps slide without comment that he did not feel like he could say anything now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing to himself, Steve walked up to the counter to pay for their drinks only to catch sight of… .</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lo… Loki?” Steve asked, openly gaping at the woman sitting by herself at the bar with some kind of fruity looking drink in front of her. The look of annoyance on her face was a good enough answer to Steve’s question, even if she never confirmed his suspicion in words. Then again, there was not nearly enough annoyance for Steve to fully believe that he had caught Loki redhanded and completely unprepared. That fact just brought up a million more questions that Steve was sure he would never get an answer to, least of all a satisfactory answer. He still had to try to at least ask one of them. “What are you doing here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was merely having a drink, by myself,” Loki answered, in a voice that was very clearly completely female, but still would have given away that Steve was in fact talking to Loki rather effectively. The entire melody might have been different, but the intonation and general way of speaking was definitely the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did anyone… authorize this?” Steve questioned, though he had a hard time believing anyone would have. Granted, there might be a part of the entire situation that he was missing so far that would explain everything, but he did not see it so far. Not even Tony would let Loki loose on New York just to mess with Steve at one of his favorite bars, now would he? (The answer was not quite the resolute negative that it should have been, but a negative nevertheless.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Loki shrugged elegantly and honestly Steve would not have thought that Loki would be one to wear oversized, rather casual sweaters that could slip down one shoulder with a simple shrug. The emerald green color was definitely a Loki thing though and, if he allowed himself to think about it, so were the tight black pants.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So that entire blah blah was for absolutely nothing,” Steve summed up with a deep sigh. Really, he should have known it, but there were only so many people on the team who knew anything about magic and Wanda had been rather offended to be asked about witchcraft and sorcery, so she had not been much of a help there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“On the contrary, my dear Captain,” Loki objected, flicking her for once not slicked back hair over his shoulder as she leaned back on the barstool and showily crossed her legs. “I am bound to every word I swore by.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But-” Steve tried to fish for more information, which apparently he would not have had to do, judged by the hard look Loki gave him for daring to interrupt. It was not so much that Steve did not expect Loki to give all sorts of mixed signals, but he was certainly more annoyed by it than he usually was that moment. After all it was Loki who was in the wrong here, no matter how much he or she tried to make Steve feel otherwise!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I heard that you were not particularly interested in such things, but would you say I look much like an Odin-son this moment?” Loki added, somehow sounding perfectly casual and like Steve was the biggest idiot alive at once. The fact that Steve suddenly knew that the black satin looking bra she was wearing seemed like another thing befitting Loki, courtesy of a very low neckline combined with Loki leaning forward to speak, did nothing to make him feel less irritated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you telling me that the spell depends on your-?” Steve questioned, stopping himself when he realized he did not know how to word what he needed to say without coming off as very rude or obscene. There definitely were ways, but he had reached a level of annoyance that just made all the wrong words pop into his head before he could even start to look for the more clinical ones. There was a reason why he often got quiet when he got angry, or otherwise his teammates would know that he did in fact know all sorts of dirty words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Genitalia? Yes very much so,” Loki answered with another light shrug, leaning more toward the bar than toward Steve, for which Steve was unreasonably grateful. “If you must know, I could have chosen to look completely like myself except for the content of my breeches and the outcome would have been the same.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The very concept Loki was speaking of was so foreign to Steve as if an alien had just tried to talk to him about magic, which to be fair was exactly what had happened here. He also thought he could not be blamed for the pictures that formed in his mind against his will. Definitely against his will. He would not voluntarily picture any of-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you really think I would vow an oath that could potentially kill me and did not allow for any loopholes?” Loki snorted, wrinkling her nose in a way that did not look quite as effective on her feminine face. The adorableness took a little away from the absolutely disgusted expression she had most likely meant to put on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess not, but-” Steve started to say before something he really should have paid attention to much earlier occurred to him. “Wait! What do you mean you heard I was not interested?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My oaf of a brother mentioned that it was a shame for a warrior such as yourself to choose to be celibate, or rather to be so by nature,” Loki answered in casual annoyance, which might have stemmed from the fact that Steve was focussing on the wrong thing in her opinion or might have simply been Loki. “For all I know he heard it from the man of iron, who might have overheard the spider speaking to the hawk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do all of you have nothing better to do than-?” Steve exclaimed, very likely a little too heatedly judged by the attention it drew to them immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss, is this man harassing you?” the barkeeper asked before Steve could even finish his little outburst. Not that he wanted to, now that there was someone else involved who really did not need to become the next person to know about any of this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How very sweet of you to be concerned,” Loki answered as sweetly as Steve had ever heard her or him talk to anyone. “On the contrary, we are having a bit of harmless fun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Honestly, Steve had no idea how the barkeeper was reacting to Loki’s assurances, but he would dare anyone to pay attention to a third party when Loki very swiftly and fluently leaned toward him, hooked him in with a hand on the nape of his neck and pressed her lips against his in a way that could not be called chaste by any stretch of the imagination. It did not help that Steve instinctively put his arms around her and pulled her closer, which in turn made Loki press against him harder. If Steve’s hand found its way into Loki’s hair, which was softer than he had thought it would be at one point, he could always point out that Loki had been the one who introduced tongue into the kiss which was objectively much worse as an excuse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you do that for?” Steve asked when he could muster up enough brain- and willpower to extract himself. He was sure that his face had to be beet red at that point from a mixture of lack of oxygen, general embarrassment and the realization that he would not be able to set foot into this bar ever again unless he wanted to be reminded of this. Judged by his look, the barkeeper was not going to miss him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have my own theories when it comes to you, Steven,” Loki pointed out in a tone that was much too scientifically and unaffected in Steve’s opinion. It was absolutely not fair that Loki could still look like nothing at all had happened, without even the slightest smearing of her lipstick, when Steve was absolutely sure that he had to look like a mess in combination to sounding much rougher than a minute or so ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have nothing better to do than-?” Steve started a question that he had not been allowed to finish once before already. Apparently it was not one that anyone thought he needed an answer to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let us walk a bit,” Loki suggested before putting a bill on the counter that should more than cover whatever drink she had had before Steve had noticed her. It was just as well since Steve was not entirely sure that he grabbed the right bill when he added his own for the beers he and Bucky had consumed before he let Loki drag him outside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do not kiss like a man who is not interested in general,” Loki commented bluntly enough to make the fading red color of Steve’s face flare up again full force.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You said you… uh… had your own theories,” Steve cleared his throat awkwardly, since he really did not know what to believe about himself at this point anymore. Maybe Loki could for once shed some light on something and do a good deed that way. Of course, Loki was still Loki, no matter what he looked like.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did and I do, but I never said I would share.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to leahelena for the comment! It inspired me to get my ass into gear and post the next chapter. :-)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Fall into bed without showering yesterday,” Bucky questioned the moment Steve came slinking out of his bedroom the next morning. Steve did not plan to grace that statement with an answer, especially since he had in fact fallen into bed without a shower and still wearing his clothes the previous night. Loki had left him standing by himself rather randomly after they had walked less than a block and Steve had gone home a whole lot more confused than he had felt in a very long time. “How long did ya stay at that bar, Stevie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you stay at that bar at all, Stevie?” Sam asked with a grin before raising his finger to indicate the bow of Steve’s lip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a long moment, Steve could only blink, but Sam did not let up and only grinned more, which finally led to Steve rubbing his palm over his mouth. It came away stained in a very particular shade of red. Well, fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, leave him alone,” Bucky stated surprisingly before Steve could say anything about the freaking lipstick that must have been on his face all night. Of course, Loki would be perfectly capable of smearing lipstick all over Steve’s face without showing even the slightest smear on his or her lips. More troubling was the fact that for a brief moment Steve thought that he could still freaking taste Loki’s otherworldly flavor on his tongue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Meet a Cap fan who really appreciated your saving of the world?” Sam went on teasing in a way that really should not have made Steve whine and hide his face in his hands. He could not even quite decide if it was the fact that Sam’s idea of what had happened was so far from what it really was, or the fact that Steve could not help wondering if Loki was in fact a Cap fan that was worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It did not help that Bucky took it upon himself to be supportive to an extreme Steve had not been on the receiving end of in decades. In fact, he nearly jumped when Bucky came to stand next to him, putting his hands on Steve’s shoulders to back him up. “Leave him alone, Wilson!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Honestly, Steve had no excuse for how much he wanted to cry that moment, especially when it was largely due to all of a sudden feeling all small and breakable again and had little to do with having received a very memorable kiss from a very unlikely source.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, Barnes, what’s gotten into you today?” Sam exclaimed, obviously biting his tongue to not use the plural to begin with. Both of the super soldiers were acting weird and that was never a good thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just don’t think it’s funny, ‘s all,” Bucky replied so defensively that Steve was pulled out of his own head just long enough to wonder what exactly Bucky thought had happened and why he was reacting so strongly to it. Chances were he did not want to know, ever, but chances also were he should know… or the psychiatrist Bucky was visiting very irregularly should have known at least. Steve somehow doubted the man had the least little clue, or that Bucky had any plans to change that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait wait, you don’t think it’s funny when- ?” Sam questioned perplexed. As surprised as Steve had been of pretty much the same thing, he could not blame Sam for thinking it was highly unusual. He still wished that they could have stopped this conversation there and then and just… discuss why Sam was there in the first place, for example.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Someone thinks they can just walk all over Steve without his consent?” Bucky interrupted, clearly getting worked up judged by the way his hands were tightening on Steve’s shoulders to the point of pain. If Steve had not been too perplexed by the conclusion Bucky had apparently come to, he might have said something about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah, what?” Sam asked quicker than Steve could voice pretty much the same thought. Granted, Loki had kind of walked all over him, but Bucky had no way of knowing that and… well, if Steve was completely honest, he could not say that he had not enjoyed at least parts of it. That was the real problem anyway. Not that Steve had thought that he completely knew himself before, but he thought he had at least some kind of idea. Now? Not so much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Think, Sam! Steve’s not into all that, so somebody had to get all up into his space against his will,” Bucky argued, waving his hands wildly, which gave Steve’s slightly abused shoulders some reprieve, but made him fear an accidental slap. Then again, maybe a good slap was exactly what he needed to get his head screwed on right again. “Not funny at all!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buck,” Steve objected weakly, finally removing his hands from his face. It was nice of Bucky to get so defensive and offended on his behalf, but he had definitely gotten the wrong idea there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, what… what the hell are you even talking about?” Sam piped up, sounding alarmed enough that it made Steve cringe badly. Instead of one overprotective best pal with the wrong idea of what had happened, he was about to have two of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steve’s asexual,” Bucky answered so casually that most other days Steve might have been able to laugh about it. That day, not so much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re what?” Sam exclaimed, looking straight at Steve this time. Strangely enough, it looked like Sam was the one person on the planet who found it hard to believe that Steve was averse to anything sexual simply because he was uncomfortable flirting with random people at every turn. All things considered, Steve did not know if he should be offended or relieved.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously, you were the one person who didn’t know?” Steve snarked before he was done thinking things through. Not that Sam deserved the sass, but after all the crap he had been through lately and all the very conflicting messages he had received from all over the place and also from his own emotions, Steve thought he was entitled to a little attitude. “Other than me that is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re gonna need a whole lot more coffee here,” Sam stated, taking a deep breath that said that he was ready to get to work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve had not thought he could feel any worse than he already had, but was quickly proven wrong. Once Sam started to talk about what he knew about asexuality and how it did not have to mean that Steve did not want to date, or kiss, or even have sex necessarily Steve really just wanted to sink straight through the floor, come out the other side of the world and keep going until he floated off into space. Things did not get better once Sam started on all the other kinds of sexuality that he was, correctly, sure that Steve and Bucky knew nothing about. Sam being Sam, he was of course very patient and for the most part nice about everything, but that did not make the entire lecture any easier to listen to. It was not only the fact that Sam was talking about sex and sexulity so blatantly that it made even Bucky blush several times, most of all Steve simply felt dumber than he ever had before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once all the coffee was gone, Steve’s ears felt like they would never not burn again and Bucky was looking like he was considering throwing himself out the window, Sam gave Steve the good advice to ‘google it’ for further information and left. Steve never found out why Sam had paid them a visit in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now I feel dumb,” Bucky snorted after a couple of minutes of looking into his empty coffee mug and then finally fixing his eyes on Steve again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too, Buck,” Steve agreed easily. Really, if Bucky felt dumb, then Steve figured he should feel ten times worse, since they had been talking about him to begin with. The worst part was that he still was nowhere near sure what to make of all this. Over the past couple of weeks he had grown somewhat comfortable with the thought that he might in fact be asexual in the way that meant he simply did not feel like pursuing sex with anyone and by extension did not want to date either. Granted, saying that he definitely never wanted to have a relationship, physical or otherwise, had not felt right from the start, but it had been within his comfort zone whereas everything that had gone on before had not. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>While Steve now had a better understanding of the fact that he might in fact be asexual, but not aromantic, or maybe more like demi-sexual, which was a term he would look into more deeply as soon as he felt less like dying from embarrassment, he was further from his comfort zone than he had been once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, uhm, just… y’know Stevie, whatever label actually applies to you, I’m always gonna be your pal,” Bucky finally stated, ending his statement with so much conviction that Steve could not help feeling touched. Honestly, for Bucky to be as supportive as he had been over the past weeks already meant the world to Steve. Sure, decades of Hydra brainwashing had not been able to make Bucky not his friend, but the both of them were still seventy years from their own time and often had certain problems with really understanding things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the label for being kissed by sex-changing, kind of evil aliens and liking it?” Steve asked impulsively, because that was what had started his newest identity crisis anyway. If a guy could not discuss that kind of stuff with his best pal, then who could he talk to?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That calls for the label of a vodka bottle, if you ask me,” Bucky replied before he went to his room for a minute.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve had no idea where or when Bucky had gotten all the vodka he was carrying to the table, but about two bottles in he did not particularly care other than being grateful for it anyway. Sure, the two of them could not get drunk properly, but that did not keep them from trying.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to RenneMichaels and leahelena for last chapter's reviews! You rock!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“So, Loki can be a woman?” Bucky asked somewhere halfway through their third shared bottle of vodka when really Steve was by far less interested in any questions concerning Loki than he wanted to know where the hell Bucky had gotten all that booze. That was by far more interesting than any definitely evil but also definitely gorgeous alien sorcerers! “Gorgeous, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck,” Steve commented before he downed another shot that might lower his inhibitions without really getting him drunk after all. To be fair, he had never tried drinking as much in as little time as they had, so maybe the serum did have its limits when it came to keeping him sober. “Did I say that out loud?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Language, Cap,” Bucky replied, making Steve cringe. He had hoped beyond hope that that particular joke had never made it to Bucky’s ears, but of course somebody must have blabbed. Sometimes Steve had to wonder what exactly most of his friends thought being friends meant, but then some villain tried to take over the city, or the world, and he knew exactly how lucky he was to have all of them. They still were a bunch of disrespectful, childish chatterboxes though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t matter, he was just pulling my leg anyway,” Steve finally stated with conviction. Loki had left him standing without attempting anything more after all and he was smart enough to know that anything other than just a little mischief, judged by mortal standards and not Loki’s, would get him in real trouble. So yes, Loki had seen his chance to bug the hell out of Steve and had done so. He was likely sitting back at the compound congratulating himself on playing Steve for a sucker while thinking about his next target.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But do you wish he wasn’t?” Bucky asked with a sly grin that Steve had not seen in over seventy years and thus could only hate to a very small degree.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Steve answered resolutely before he could think about it long enough to lose just that conviction. Luckily Bucky seemed to be willing to take his word for it and not do the creepy and slightly worrying thing where he seemed to read Steve’s most private thoughts. To be honest, Bucky would have a field day, if he knew that there was a part of Steve that would have liked to know if Loki was a good kisser, or if that one time had been a fluke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright then,” Bucky stated, before he knocked back another glass of vodka and stood to go back to his room. When he did not reemerge after ten minutes Steve supposed that Bucky had not only gone to get another bottle, but had decided to spend his time on something other than Steve’s sexual crisis. Steve really wished he had the same choice.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Since Steve knew better than not to be grateful for small mercies, he was both aware of and thankful for the fact that two days later he was hardly thinking of Loki’s kissing capabilities anymore. He had to think of the man rather frequently though, since everyone was hellbent on informing him of every little thing Loki did at the compound. Granted, Steve could understand why Clint called him to complain that Loki had made some of his arrows into glitter bombs, which he had only found out in the middle of a training exercise that left half of the team sparkly even after a long shower. Sam’s report of Loki turning the falcon wings into real wings that stayed attached to Sam’s shoulder blades long enough for him to find out that he could not sit down anywhere comfortably and did not fit through most doors sounded remarkably less annoyed, but was reason for concern. Tony’s report of all the coffee being gone except for decaff on the other hand sounded more like Tony forgetting to restock than anything Loki had caused. Then again, Steve would not bet a penny on Loki not having a hand in anything at this point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All in all, Steve felt secure in the knowledge that Loki had found other ways to occupy his time and had moved on, regrettable as it might be for everyone else’s sake, so he did not expect anything other than the Chinese he had ordered from a place that had opened after Bucky had stopped his escapades when his doorbell rang. He had all of a moment to lament that he was going to eat alone for the first time in months since Bucky had apparently found a woman that he wanted to meet more than once and was doing just that that evening, before he opened the door and found himself face to face with someone who was not delivering food.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh hell no!” Steve exclaimed before he could stop himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It seems you do not live up to the legend when it comes to politeness,” Loki commented casually, just pushing Steve aside with one decidedly feminine hand against his shoulder so he could enter the apartment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing here?” Steve questioned, not bothering to be much more polite than he had been. Actually, he figured that he was being much too polite, given the circumstances. He really should have taken Loki and put him back out into the hallway. First of all, Steve had to doubt that Loki would make an act like that easy for him and also if one of their few neighbors decided to pass by just then it would look very strange for Steve to pick up a woman more than a head shorter than himself and probably not even half as heavy and just throw her out. So instead he closed the door after Loki so they could at least do this, whatever it was, properly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The compound is much too restricting for my liking,” Loki explained with a light shrug that drew Steve’s attention to her bare shoulders. For a moment he had to wonder, if Asgardian women liked to wear things that bared their shoulders in general, or if Loki simply preferred such things. The emerald green neckholder top could not be called revealing otherwise though, which was less of a relief than Steve was willing to admit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, and you figured a two bedroom apartment is much better for stretching your legs,” Steve snarked, just to make sure that Loki knew he was perhaps not looking through the bullshit completely, but was at least on to him or her as it might be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps I had something else in mind,” Loki stated in a low, seductive tone, looking up at Steve from under her lashes in a way that should have made him want to laugh, but did completely different things to him. Goddamn, but Loki was gorgeous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Steve said quickly when Loki reached for him in an all too familiar way. That Steve for some unknown reason reacted to Loki in ways he had not thought he would ever experience again did not mean he was going to let Loki get away with everything! He was more surprised than he could conceal when Loki immediately stopped and only looked at him with a pout that should have been ridiculous, but was too damn cute for both their sakes. Steve could not explain the moment of weakness that led him to speak on any other way. “Have you ever had Chinese food?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next morning Bucky was back and Loki was long gone without a trace. Steve had checked for lipstick stains, deep red once again, on all the cutlery and the glasses they had used for dinner, but had found none. Not that there was anything to be ashamed of, since Loki had strangely enough respected Steve’s ‘no’ without pushing for the rest of the evening. Maybe Steve should not have thought that was as weird as he did, but they were talking about a megalomaniac sorcerer who was not above using mind control.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, Loki visited while you were gone,” Steve mentioned casually after Bucky was done talking about his date. Not that Bucky had been talking for long when apparently there was not going to be a third date. He seemed to have every intention of having a first date with someone else soon though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh,” Bucky hummed, stuffing more of his bagel into his mouth than should have been able to fit and chewing not nearly often enough before he swallowed. “You think he waited until I was gone to ambush you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a theory,” Steve admitted, refraining from telling Bucky to use a goddamn glass instead of drinking from the bottle of orange juice. For one he had other things to think about, but it had also proven to be ineffective the last thousand times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want me to stay at home for the next month or so?” Bucky asked perfectly offhanded and like his question had nothing to do with fearing for Steve’s safety. To be fair, Steve thought Bucky might have asked the same question, if he had said that he was feeling lonely, at least the old Bucky would have and just then they were having a very strange variation of an old Bucky-and-Steve conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Just… if you find a bucket of water over your door, ‘t wasn’t me,” Steve decided after a moment of consideration. It did not look like Loki planned to do anything other than hang out with Steve, which he was not completely opposed to, at least not when he knew to expect it. Besides, Bucky having a social life was a good thing, even if it made Steve feel less needed, which was a purely egoistic hangup.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fair enough,” Bucky shrugged, drinking from the milk carton once and then leaving it on the counter before he went to catch up on the sleep he had missed the previous night. Now and then Steve wondered how the people who had been deadly afraid of the ghost that was the Winter Soldier would react to knowing how Bucky was living these days. The thought made him grin as he cleaned up the mess.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>
  <span>“You said you had a theory about me,” Steve stated conversationally on Saturday night when Bucky was out and about and Loki had shown up not ten minutes later. Her shoulders were hidden by a very fluffy looking pullover with emerald green applications this time around. As much as Steve wanted to touch it to know if the material was in fact as soft as it looked, that would have sent the completely wrong message.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I also said I would not share,” Loki retorted, flipping a piece of popcorn right against Steve’s nose for the impertinence of trying to get her to talk, or something like that. Maybe she just really wanted to see the episode of America’s Next Top Model that Steve had not switched to for damn sure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you said that you never said you would share. Never said you wouldn’t either,” Steve pointed out, catching the next piece of popcorn from the air and eating it while Loki shook her head at him with a grin. All in all, the mood was too companionable to be believed. In fact, it was so companionable that Bucky would have fit right in. Except that Steve did not think Loki would have paid him a visit, if Bucky had been there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perceptive and cunning, I can appreciate that,” Loki chuckled, putting the next few pieces of popcorn into her own mouth, her lips for once unpainted, instead of throwing them at Steve. It was too bad really, since it was good popcorn, wherever the hell it had come from.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So?” Steve prompted, not particularly caring, if it would lead to answers, or to more popcorn that he hoped did not come from some secret stash Bucky kept around the apartment now that he thought about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Another day, perhaps,” Loki replied mildly, passing the bowl of popcorn on to Steve before she stretched and then decided to just lie down on the couch, her head in Steve’s lap. She did graciously accept the popcorn he dropped into her mouth now and then and kept blabbing on about the future models that Steve could not make himself interested in in any way. Her pullover was as soft as it looked.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>
  <span>“Midgardians do not interest me, they are bland, completely and utterly forgettable. I dare say, all humans look the same,” Loki stated all of a sudden after winning another one of Steve’s socks with her hand of cards. How he had ever let her talk him into playing strip poker of all things, Steve would never be able to explain. It was just one of these things Loki could get him to agree to without thinking about it too much lately. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe he had let Loki lull him into too much of a sense of security over the past few months of just spending time together whenever Steve found himself alone for more than a couple of minutes. They had watched a whole lot of what he now knew was called trash TV and had eaten even more junk food, before Loki had suggested that they could make their own, which had led to some cooking… . All in all, it was simply comfortable to have Loki around, even if Bucky was getting a little antsy about meeting her. Steve it seemed was not allowed to have friends that Bucky did not know, even though he never got to know any of Bucky’s dates. In fact, that was one thing Steve had mentioned around Loki once to which Loki had only snorted ‘typical’ before beating Steve in another game of chess.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Steve complained half-heartedly on behalf of himself, his friends, his team and the rest of humanity basically. Of course, he still dutifully listened to every complaint about Loki’s behavior that anyone brought to his attention, but he had to admit that half the time he actually wanted to laugh at the stories. He had long since decided that Loki was only passing the time without meaning any harm and knew very well how to make sure there was no real harm done. A dangerous line of thinking perhaps, but Steve did feel comfortable with it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Current company excluded,” Loki corrected with a slightly devilish smile on her cherry red painted lips. That the sweatshirt was once more emerald green made for another point in favor of Steve’s theory that Loki liked color variation on her lips, but nowhere else. Since most of Steve’s pullovers, sweatshirts and t-shirts were either white or blue he could hardly mock her for it though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, that… that almost sounded… true,” Steve suddenly realized, not entirely sure if he only meant Loki’s last statement or the one before it as well. Hell, he might as well be talking about all of the conversations they had had in the past week in the very least. How had he never fully realized that little tidbit in combination with no other than the god of lies before?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm, I must be out of practice,” Loki stated with a frown, before going back to the topic she had actually meant to talk about. “The point is, you are almost far enough removed from your fellow men to actually be an alien.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve found himself positively dumbstruck at that. He could not say that Loki was wrong exactly. While he did not like to think of himself as different from anyone else who was just trying to do some good for the world, he could not deny that he often felt like an alien. It did not help that they were having that conversation during an ongoing game of strippoker that Loki was going to win by their mutual agreement that the game would be over when Steve was down to his jeans the latest. Or if Loki got down to her underwear. But what were the chances of her losing really? Maybe that was how Loki had managed to sucker him into it, by suggesting a compromise that made Steve comfortable enough before he could even really start to feel uncomfortable with the prospect.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to wonder what those people look like to you?” Loki added after Steve failed to contribute to the conversation and after she was done meticulously putting Steve’s sock on top of the second sock which she had already won earlier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you implying that… uh… all people look the same to me too?” Steve questioned after giving his new hand of cards a quick look and determining that he was going to lose again. Actually, he was surprised that he had even won one of Loki’s socks so far, while Steve himself would have to sacrifice his t-shirt and would only be left with one more chance with his undershirt after this round. “‘Cause that’s not true.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At least, it was not true at the first glance at the topic and Steve really was not comfortable looking into it any further.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“However that may be, Steven, I do think that you may be one of only a handful of individuals on this planet with keen enough senses to see me in all my glory,” Loki pointed out conversationally before she put down her cards to reveal that she had four queens, which Steve had nothing to rival.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Groaning, Steve folded and reached for the hem of his t-shirt without further ado that would only make the moment more awkward. Strangely enough it was not all that awkward when Loki was standing right next to him to collect her winnings and give him a long kiss that made him wonder why he had waited for months for this. That thought, alongside all others he might have attempted to form, fled his mind when Loki leaned in for seconds.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to RenneMichaels for reviewing the last chapter and thanks to everyone who left kudos or simply read this far.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Loki might not have lost anything other than one sock in their friendly game of strippoker, but by the time she straddled Steve’s legs, she had lost a sweater and Steve’s hands had decided that the shirt underneath had to go as well. Steve’s brain had definitely not been consulted, but the poor thing was suffering from an acute case of blood displacement and was pretty much fighting to survive while other parts of him were rejoicing like never before. It would have been confusing, if it had not been so good and felt so goddamn right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have a bedroom, I presume,” Loki breathed against Steve’s ear, which made whatever was left of his brain that moment say goodbye and good luck, soldier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhm, yeah,” Steve replied very eloquently and elegantly, still trying to process the fact that his hands were underneath Loki’s undershirt and she did not appear to even dream of stopping anytime soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you would be so friendly to show it to me,” Loki prompted in a definitely amused tone when Steve could not muster up the brainpower to do anything other than continue to hold her close and map out the contours of her back with his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lifting his head, Steve was met with an all too familiar smirk that he really wanted to kiss off Loki’s face, so he did. They were not going to get anywhere closer to his bedroom that way, but Steve did not have a single complaint in him that moment. If Loki had seen these things differently she would have let him know for sure, but there seemed not to be any complaints from that side either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whoever needs a bedroom?” Loki sighed a little breathlessly and definitely not smirking anymore a minute, or two, or five later. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a moment Steve wondered… Well, Loki was actually just a little taller than Steve and decidedly more manly, even if his body was made up of long, elegant lines much like the female version, usually. He would have thought that the mental picture would help with cooling down just a little, but it did not. Loki was Loki either way and goddamn if that was not… .</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m back,” Bucky announced just when Loki’s hand reached the waistband of Steve’s jeans. A moment before he had been glad for the fact that he had lost his belt in their first round of strippoker, but that was before the very harsh reminder of why he really should have made his legs work and take this to the bedroom earlier. “You gotta be Loki. Nice to meet you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would say likewise, but no, not this moment,” Loki replied in a remarkably unaffected voice for someone with their top rucked up far enough for Steve to add a second instance to his pile of evidence that Loki liked black satiny bras and mussed hair that Steve could not help thinking he would have liked to see on his pillow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see why Steve likes you,” Bucky commented with a huffed out laugh. Steve did not dare turn around, but he thought Bucky was going to his room, probably to give them some privacy, which was nice, even if the moment was ruined already. “Lil’ shit, just like him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even if he had wanted to, Steve could not stop himself from laughing at that. In fact he could not stop chuckling until he had his face pressed against Loki’s chest, just holding on tight while he tried not to forget to breathe through it. If either Loki or Bucky were planning to kill him, which was an inconceivably big if to begin with, this was surely not how they had thought it would go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he slowly calmed down, Steve realized that Loki was running her hands through his hair tenderly and probably had been for a while. Missing even a second of this was a real shame, but Steve still felt a sudden warmth that must have been there for a while but had gone unacknowledged around his heart. The fact that Loki pulled on his ear to get him to look up to her again finally, a smile tugging at her lips that was mirrored on his face before they leaned in for the chastest kiss of the evening did nothing to make Steve feel less warm either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should leave,” Loki stated so suddenly, already starting to get off Steve’s lap before he had fully processed what was going on.</span>
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  <span>“What? Why? I mean… okay that was awkward, but you could stay,” Steve hurried to reply, even though it looked like Loki’s mind was made up. At least she was smoothing her shirt down and flattening her hair with her hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never said I could not,” Loki deadpanned, grabbing the sock Steve had won from the tabletop to put that on again as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Loki,” Steve started to say, reaching for Loki’s hand to maybe change her mind after all. They could still sit on the couch and watch whatever reality TV show Loki wanted to see. There were a million things they could do that did not involve Steve’s bedroom at all and then some that did involve the bedroom, but did not involve anything sexual. Hell, Steve really just wanted her to stay another while. The realization was a little frightening, but not as frightening as the thought that the emotion was probably written all over his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You better believe you will see me again shortly, Steve,” Loki answered after a pause that probably felt much longer to Steve than it actually was. The kiss that followed on the other hand was probably more lingering than it felt like. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Loki was gone, but for once not without a trace. Steve had every intention of returning her sweater to her, but until the occasion arose he could always keep it in his room.</span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Steve, can we still eat from this thing?” Bucky yelled before Steve even had the chance to leave his bedroom the next morning. Steve did not need a whole lot of sleep, but not finding any rest without having much else to do always made for a bad morning and feeling a little sluggish.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why-?” Steve started to ask before the events of the previous night, the events Bucky had witnessed, came back to mind. A good morning never started with a blush and Steve would dare anyone to prove him wrong on that. “Oh, yeah, definitely.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good,” Bucky commented, before he started to put toast and jam on the table. Steve was never quite sure how to feel about Bucky getting caring and protective over him these days, but this was just the right morning for something like that. “So you really like Loki huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do,” Steve confirmed. There was no use denying it when the thought of Loki and their time together did not only make his face heat up, but also made his heart feel warm once again. Not that he could put that feeling into words for anyone to hear just yet. He was already planning a trip to the compound though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not so much asexual as just really picky. Figures,” Bucky snorted into his coffee mug. Steve did not feel like he could leave that standing, even though Bucky was probably content without any more of an explanation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not… God, Buck, I don’t know how to say… I mean it’s not about… I just feel really comfortable around her… or him… around Loki,” Steve tried to make himself understood, which was much easier said than done. It kind of came down to what Bucky had said anyway, even if Bucky’s words had sounded too trivial less than a minute ago. Steve was just really really picky when it came to the people he wanted to get close to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was it?” Bucky suddenly asked, staring at the ceiling in a way he only ever did when his mind hid something from him that he really wanted to access just then. It had happened less and less often lately, but of course there were still a whole lot of things partially or completely erased due to his time with Hydra.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” Steve questioned carefully. Bucky’s question had been rhetorical to begin with, but now and then Steve could help with finding the memory Bucky was looking for. It always depended on how much Bucky still knew about the thing he wanted to remember.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That thing I wanted to say that I can’t think of,” Bucky replied about as vaguely as it got, which at least let Steve know that he could do zilch to help. Not until Bucky worked through it and found something that made for a better description anyway. He had once told Loki how helpless those moments made him feel sometimes for which Loki had called him an incorrigibly do-gooder with a hero complex. Well, Loki was definitely right there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Waiting for the right partner to dance,” Bucky suddenly exclaimed, snapping his metal fingers in victory. “That’s the thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve was too perplexed to do or say anything for a long moment, which made Bucky’s face fall faster than he could pull himself together and just say that Bucky had thought of something that was actually pretty damn meaningful. “That is a thing, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it was… is,” Steve confirmed with a smile that brought Bucky’s good mood back as well. He was definitely going to visit the compound later.</span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>
  <span>If Steve had expected to make the day that much better with his little trip, he had been woefully and utterly wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Later that day Bucky was home and Steve could see that he had cracked his door open the slightest little bit to see who had rung their doorbell. He most likely had one of those damn guns that kept popping up in his hand as well. The fact that Steve felt like yelling at Bucky to put the damn gun away, even though he knew he was not going to vent his bad mood on his best friend, said a whole lot about Steve’s state of mind. Hell the fact that Steve had spent the afternoon in his room sulking so he would not affect Bucky too much with his bad mood spoke loud enough for itself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It did not help that it was in fact Loki who was waiting for Steve to open the door, or that Bucky closed his door a moment later. Actually, a pizza delivery might have been better for Steve’s mood than to see Loki after Loki had done his level best to ignore Steve during his visit to the compound earlier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I your dirty little secret, is that it?” Steve questioned likely more harshly than strictly necessary the moment Loki was inside. Okay, so Loki had not been around much whenever Steve went to the compound for the past months, but then Steve had been there to speak to the team and had not attached more meaning to it. This time around he had asked for Loki only to be greeted with a completely unimpressed face and a whole lot of annoyance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For one you are not little, nor particularly dirty,” Loki retorted defensively, before she threw her arms in the air in frustration. “What on Earth made you think I wanted my oaf of a brother and the morons you call friends to know about… this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve deflated a little when Loki gestured between them, quite clearly unsure what label to apply. He figured he was going to start hating labels, or the lack of fitting ones, very soon at this rate. Still, it was not like Steve had expected a kiss for a greeting or anything like that, though he would not have minded. Sure, it would have been quite the way to break the news to everyone else, but… maybe he had thought Loki would like that too much to resist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you would at least be happy to see me,” Steve explained, unable to keep the hurt out of his voice completely, even though the more he thought about it surprising Loki like that, with expectations attached no less, might not have been the best idea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh I was, Steve, so happy I could hardly contain myself,” Loki stated with so much conviction that Steve could not believe he was being mocked. It helped that Loki had already stepped so close that she could draw strange patterns that likely meant something he did not understand over his pecs. Steve could not remember ever hating one of his t-shirts and wishing it would just vanish off the face of the Earth with such a passion before. That day, he noticed, Loki’s fingernails were painted in a deep green, while her lips were free of artificial color. “I have not had such troubles looking aloof and grouchy in a very long time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Grouchy?” Steve repeated, feeling his annoyance melt away and leaving a whole lot of much more tender feelings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Show me your bedroom already,” Loki commanded instead of losing a word to explain where he had gotten the idea of describing himself using an adjective like grouchy. Maybe Steve could get to the bottom of that later on, after they discussed the matter of letting the rest of the team in on the secret. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but definitely some day.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Steve closed the door behind them and… they were in his bedroom. He had not thought this through, clearly. The rush of the moment making him feel like it was absolutely okay not to think any further than getting into bed and then seeing where things went that had been present the previous day was definitely missing. Getting Loki into bed was about the last thing on Steve’s mind that moment. He was still a little sore over the way Loki had treated him earlier, even if he had to admit that he had walked in with too many expectations that he had not communicated to Loki beforehand. Accusing Loki of acting too cold and generally making it appear like Steve meant nothing to him again would have been petty though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Apparently, some, hopefully not all, of what Steve was feeling had made it into his expression since Loki was suddenly frowning at him. The way her lips were set into a remarkably thin line might have been worrying for all of a second until Loki stepped closer and put her hand on his neck gently. Steve let her pull him closer with little to no resistance, even though he did not particularly want to be distracted that moment. If anything he wanted the issue addressed and cleared up, so he could stop thinking about it completely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When you look at me, I feel like you really see me,” Loki whispered surprisingly once Steve was close enough for Loki’s lips to nearly touch the shell of his ear when she was speaking. “I don’t much care for the prospect of competing for your attention.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Com-” Steve started to repeat dumbly, before he snapped his mouth shut and forced himself to think before he said anything. The way Loki was not looking at him, but had her head turned away from his face where she rested her head against his shoulder made it look like she was not comfortable with as much as she had said. That in turn made Steve think that he really needed to have heard it and interpret it right. “Is that why you always make sure I’m alone before you visit, why you left when Bucky came back and then today… ?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve could feel Loki draw a deep breath, even as she remained silent. He did not exactly need a verbal answer anyway, since it was hard to believe that there was any other theory that explained more. Loki might not have said it, but Steve supposed she had also meant to say that Loki did not want to compete and lose. Like Steve could ever not notice Loki anywhere. Hell, he had noticed Loki back at that bar where they first met and he had not even been looking for her then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Loki, I came to see you, only you,” Steve finally stated. Apparently it needed saying, though he had supposed that Loki would immediately know just that when Steve came to the compound. It was not like he had been in a meeting and had asked for Loki afterward, while he was there already.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know that now,” Loki replied defensively, scowling at Steve when she turned her head to look back at him at long last. “But how was I to know that you would visit me for once? You have never taken any of my invitations before!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The fingernail Loki was tapping against his chest felt like she was threatening to stab him with it without any intention of really going through with it. Somehow Steve neither doubted that Loki could in fact stab him with a fingernail nor that she was not going to do it. Her accusation still felt uncalled for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What invitations?” Steve questioned with a deep frown. So far Loki had invited herself to come see Steve whenever she felt like doing it, or rather whenever he was by himself and she just dropped by. He had every intention of changing that in a way that Loki knew she could come to see him whether Bucky was there or not in the future. Steve was absolutely confident that he had enough attention to give for both of them. What he still did not know was what invitations Loki had sent him when all he had heard of Loki between visits were the complaints everyone else had about… . “You’re bothering the others so I’ll come by and scold you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And yet it is always Thor who does the duty,” Loki commented with a pout that looked a little ridiculous on her lips. Steve had troubles taking her anguish serious when it was presented like that, which he supposed was the point. He still wound his arm around her waist more tightly and brought his other hand to the nape of her neck to rub soothing circles. Less because he thought Loki needed, or deserved the comfort, but because he had wanted to do it for a while anyway. He had found out some time ago that Loki’s hair, sans any of what he used to slick it back in male form, was softer than the sweaters she liked wearing. He had also noticed that it smelled like apples with a hint of frost of all things, which he yet needed to confirm was true for the other version as well. It seemed fitting either way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever considered that I don’t like having to act like I’m angry with you? Especially when... ” Steve questioned, biting his lip for a moment when he came to the part he was not sure he should say out loud. Then again, Loki had taken a risk telling him something she had obviously doubted she should earlier, so he might as well repay the favor. “I mean, half of the things you did were actually hilarious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Steve had doubted that it was a good idea to say something that Loki might take as encouragement to torture the others with more pranks, that doubt vanished when Loki looked at him stunned for all of a blink and you’ll miss it moment and then crushed their lips together. Chances were Steve would feel some regret the next time Bruce let him know that Loki had painted his room bright green from the ceiling to the floorboards including all furniture, but that did not keep him from kissing the trickster in his arms with all the passion of a very appreciative fan.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>When Steve woke up the next morning Loki was long gone, leaving Steve with a bed that had never felt like it was that much too big before and another discarded emerald green sweater that smelled vaguely of apples and frost. It felt fair that he got to keep the sweater since Steve had spent some time wrestling it off Loki a couple of hours ago, also he realized that the shirt Loki had relieved him of at some part was gone in turn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After folding the sweater very carefully and putting it on top of the other one stroking over the soft fabric once again, Steve was about ready to hear everything Bucky had to say about the noise that had come from his bedroom, or more likely the lack thereof. Steve had been in more of a cuddling mood after everything and Loki had not voiced a different preference, so that was that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Morning Nat,” Steve stated a moment later, trying his damndest not to show how surprised he was to find Natasha sitting next to Bucky by their kitchen table. At least that meant there were fresh bagels, that must have come from Natasha, if Bucky was not actually magically making things appear that was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t look at me like that, punk. She was already here when I got up,” Bucky piped up when Steve gave him too much of a questioning look apparently. Not that Steve had meant to imply in any way that Natasha was not supposed to be there, it was just surprising and maybe a little worrying, looking at the company Steve had kept. He was not going to make Loki into his dirty little secret, but this was not the way he wanted to break the news to the other Avengers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to see if I could. Problem?” Natasha commented casually, cutting a bagel open and spreading cream cheese on it. The cream cheese, Steve thought, did come from their fridge, since Bucky had a craving for the stuff ever so often and Steve himself liked it well enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve shrugged at about the same time Bucky did. Since Bucky was so unbothered by everything, Steve supposed he had either noticed Natasha’s entrance, but did not care, or he was as unbothered knowing that there was one person in the world who could sneak in without them noticing as Steve was. The matter would be completely different, if they were talking about Tony, or Bruce, or Fury even. If any of them had managed to pull off something like that Steve would have had to assume that others, some or a whole lot of others, could do it as well. With Natasha he felt safe to assume that there were no others.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, how long has this thing with Loki been going on?” Natasha asked a moment later, nearly making Steve spit out the orange juice he had foolishly sipped on. He should have known that something was coming. He should have known!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About three months,” Bucky answered while Steve was busy working the liquid down his throat instead of spitting it all over the table. Not that Bucky would not have deserved a facefull of orange juice for the betrayal! That and for the fact that he kept drinking straight from the bottle, now that he thought about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buck,” Steve finally croaked, trying to sound at least a little betrayed and not only like he had just nearly choked on orange juice. Maybe Natasha and Bucky were trying to kill him after all, with Loki playing an unknown role in all of it. Well, Steve knew what kind of death he was likely to die with Loki sometime in the near future and he could not say that he would not go out with a smile that way. Instead of tears in his eyes from choking on goddamn orange juice!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? It’s true,” Bucky replied defensively, as if Steve had just wronged him horribly. Not that Steve believed for a second that Bucky actually did not know what he had done wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s private,” Steve pointed out sternly, which did not impress either Natasha or Bucky. In fact, both of them had a perfectly perplexed look on their face like Steve was talking about a completely foreign concept. Steve was tempted to say that he knew very well that both Bucky and Natasha knew what privacy meant since they would kill anyone who dared violate theirs, but of course different standards applied for other people.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, some might say the Avengers are entitled to knowing when their team lead is being compromised,” Natasha threw in her two cents. Steve bristled against the accusation immediately, even though he had to admit that Natasha was not completely wrong. In the very least, he had to say that worrying about things like that and considering the risk, because that was just who Natasha was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Agreed,” Steve finally replied seriously, because what Natasha had said was not factually wrong. “But I’m not compromised.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If he had been compromised, he would have been glad for his teammates being smart enough to figure it out and act accordingly, but that did not mean that he would take wrong accusations. Steve was damn sure that the worst Loki was conspiring to achieve was to get Steve to come to the compound more often to see him and he had a little hope that that was about to change. Not that Loki would stop bothering anyone let alone everyone because of it, but he might do it less frequently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s not,” Bucky agreed with what Steve had said, coming to his aid in a way that he had not actually expected. It was just logical to assume that Bucky would have been watching him very closely for any signs of strange behavior. “Not more than he already was because of me anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way Natasha hummed contently and went to work on actually eating her bagel made Steve think that she accepted Bucky’s words. It also made him think that his friends really had issues, but who was he to talk?</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to RenneMichaels for reviewing!<br/>Reviews are very motivating when it comes to posting more. ;-)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sometimes Steve foolishly thought that there was nothing that could surprise him anymore. It were those times, when he was apparently tempting fate, and something that had been unthinkable before simply happened all of a sudden.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That day the surprise came in the form of a doorbell ringing unexpectedly and Loki standing outside with three pizza boxes. Steve was simply glad that Bucky reacted quickly and let his knife - a step up from the guns, maybe, perhaps, hopefully - disappear before Loki was close enough to see it. Then he was floored by the realization that Loki had just randomly decided to come visit him while Bucky was very much around and had no intention of going out. The only other time that had happened had been when Loki apparently felt that Steve was upset enough that it warranted an immediate visit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you had different plans for dinner-” Loki started to say before Steve already shook his head like the overeager idiot he was and took the pizza boxes from her. Judged by the quick kiss Loki placed on his lips, she was pleased by his reaction. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, what’s up with you looking like a dame all the time?” Bucky asked, pulling a piece of pizza that was fighting to stay in the box by the way of cheese strings from the carton. Steve knew for a fact that Loki knew that he liked a good vegetable pizza now and then, but had to wonder if she had gotten lucky when she brought one with triple the cheese normal for Bucky, or if she somehow knew what she was doing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The wrath of Odin would befall me as thunder and lightning strike me down on top of my own magic burning me up, if I were my male self,” Loki explained with a light shrug, before she picked on the crust of her simple cheese pizza for a moment and then got herself another piece after all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay, keep your secrets,” Bucky huffed, but by the way his fingers were twitching lightly around the beer bottle Steve was sure he was in fact not happy with the prospect of not knowing now that he had asked. If Steve could not be sure that Loki would not go to lengths that would make most spies shake their heads to find out which pizza to buy for Bucky, he could also not say with any kind of authority that Bucky would not go to extremes to find the information he was looking for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s the truth, Buck,” Steve pointed out to make sure that Bucky did not make plans to sneak into the compound or anything alike in the near future. The way Bucky took a long moment to read Steve’s face, no doubt to find out how sure he was of what he had just said, was as vaguely uncomfortable as ever, but when Bucky shrugged like the topic was done with for him all was well once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You space aliens do nothing by halves, huh?” Bucky asked after a moment of silence, before he went back to eating his pizza at about double the speed Steve and Loki did. Steve sometimes wondered about that too, but it was not unlikely that he had never been given much time to eat and much less enjoy what he was eating, so that was one of those things Bucky still needed to practice. That or he simply was a big slob, which all things considered was not the worst option.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know that Steve’s gotta talk to his team about this thing between you two,” Bucky questioned after most of his pizza was gone and he had gotten himself another beer bottle. If Steve had worried that Loki might not make the best impression… scratch that, he had never worried that Loki would not leave a good impression, he should have worried more about the impression Bucky planned to make though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buck, what we do is my- our business,” Steve pointed out, correcting himself just in time. While Bucky was right that they had to spill the beans to the rest of the Avengers soon, Loki had a say in how it was going to go down. They were going to find an option that left everyone satisfied enough, he was sure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kinda my business too since I’m the one who’s gonna hear whatever you get up to in your room, when you get around to it,” Bucky commented so casually that Steve was not sure if he had heard right for a moment. Judged by the smug grin on Bucky’s face, he had though. He still could not help sitting there, gaping like an idiot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Believe me, you will not hear anything I do not want you to hear,” Loki shot back long before Steve was able to think of any fitting comeback, flipping her hair over her shoulder casually. Steve felt his face heat up a little when Loki put her hand on his thigh under the table and squeezed possessively. It was strangely soothing at the same time for some reason Steve could not explain. The realization that Loki was very capable of hiding whatever they were doing from everyone was comforting as well. Steve made a mental note to talk to Loki later and tell her that he would appreciate knowing that what they got up to in the privacy of his bedroom stayed in fact private.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good one, space wizard,” Bucky snorted, raising his bottle in acknowledgement for good measure. Steve thought that Bucky was at least a little relieved to know that he would not witness anything he did not actually want to hear after all, even though he was not showing it very clearly. Unfortunately he also thought that Bucky would press him for information every time Loki stayed the night, at least that was what the old Bucky would have done. No firsthand witnessing, but secondhand accounts? Yes, please! Not that Steve ever had much to tell in the old days, but he supposed… the way things were going, he was going to have something to tell soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I believe I might be able to tolerate you,” Loki retorted, sounding much more like a queen from some old play than she ever did otherwise. It was no doubt a completely intentional impression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, cause I ain’t going anywhere,” Bucky replied so quickly that it took Steve aback once again. It was better to hear that Bucky was so convinced that he was going to stay for the foreseeable future and then some than Steve had ever thought it would be. He had assumed that Bucky would do just that ever since he had been willing to help Steve clean out his office and make it into a bedroom for Bucky, but it had never been clearly stated and Steve had been too afraid to ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Judged by the way Loki flexed her fingers against his thigh, Steve thought she agreed with Bucky’s statement, but would not say it. Yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Less than an hour later, Steve once again had Loki in his room. This time around things felt decidedly less awkward, especially since Loki had reaffirmed that she had no interest in letting Bucky or anyone else overhear anything either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bucky can be a little overbearing, but he likes you,” Steve stated, his hand firmly on Loki’s hip, teasing the sliver of skin bared between pants and shirt with his thumb now and then. As much as Loki obviously liked softness when it came to sweaters, she always went for leathery pants that felt anything but. It was very nice leather though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“I have an older brother, I know how it goes,” Loki replied in a casual tone that nearly masked the underlying contempt for Thor. Their relationship was clouded in mystery really, but it was easy to guess that their hate-love sibling relationship was more complicated than any mortal could imagine. “In fact, I am a little surprised he did not ask what my intentions toward you were. Thor is going to ask, when you tell him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I tell him?” Steve repeated with a frown. He had made clear earlier that it was their decision to make how and when they were going to tell the others and he had assumed that it would also be them together that would do it. Assuming was obviously a very foolish thing to do when one was dealing with the people Steve was dealing with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Naturally,” Loki confirmed, nudging her thigh against Steve’s when he stopped petting her hip for a little too long. Not that it was much of a surprise that Loki was pushy. Steve figured he did best with pushy people anyway. “I cannot have him think that I am willing to share this kind of private information with him in the future.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve shook his head with a chuckle, but pulled Loki just a bit closer to kiss her. As much as he liked Thor, he was not going to touch that sibling relationship with a ten foot pole, if he could help it. It looked like they were getting along without any blood being spilled these days, which Steve had to consider good enough. Everything else was completely up to them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My intentions are completely honorable,” Steve vowed when he could speak again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“An answer he will like, I am sure,” Loki answered, a smirk tugging at the corner of her lips that Steve could not quite read. He was rather sure that it was more than being pleased with what Steve had said. There was something about Steve’s statement that had amused Loki and he did not know what it was, which was slightly worrying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about you?” Steve questioned to distract himself. Whatever it was, he was going to find out as soon as Loki was ready to share. Until then he could try not to worry about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope they are not so honorable that it will take the fun out of everything,” Loki quipped, not actually sounding worried at all. Steve would have had to seriously question what Loki thought was fun then anyway, since he had thought they were having a whole lot of fun already. Steve definitely felt like he had had more enjoyable days than ever before lately. “I intend to stay here for as long as it takes the Allfather to decide that my debt to your realm is repaid and I am allowed to return to Asgard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fair enough,” Steve said, before the lump in his throat made it impossible to speak. The way Loki was watching him made Steve think that there was something he was missing again though. For all he knew, Loki had to stay for as long as he had just pointed out, that he planned to go back to his home realm once he could was understandable, even if Steve did not particularly like hearing it. Then again, there was no timestamp set for anything and Asgardians, as both Thor and Loki had stated now and again, did have a different feeling for passage of time than humans did. “That… might take a while, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh it surely will. I would be surprised if you lived to see the end of my penance,” Loki answered immediately and so casually, that Steve thought she was not bothered by the prospect at all. Well then, why should Steve be? Besides, if Odin changed his mind prematurely, Steve could always give Loki a good reason to stay.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Thanks so much to leahelena for the review!<br/>All my love to everyone who reads and especially to everyone willing to take a minute out of their day to leave a review!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Steve was not afraid to tell the team about his relationship with Loki. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was he wondering how exactly to tell them about something he did not quite know how to describe? Yes. Was he trying to figure out who was most likely to be somewhat supportive and who was going to strangle him? Also yes. Was his stomach in knots from nerves? Possibly. But was he afraid? No.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The fact that Steve decided to search out Thor before anyone else was solely based on the realization that Thor was Loki’s family and thus had the right to hear of it first. After Bucky and Natasha that was, but at least first after those two.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, my friend, come in!” Thor greeted Steve with his usual brand of enthusiasm for all things he considered good. Sometimes, and after hearing some of the not so nice things Thor had gone through, Steve really wondered how a thousand year old mountain of a man could remain this happy. Steve might have thought that it was the Asgardian way, but he also knew Loki. Then again, Loki certainly was passionate about things, just with less of a sunny disposition. “A rare visit indeed!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, sorry about that,” Steve apologized reflexively. Truth be told, he was sorry for not visiting his friends more often, especially outside of missions and briefings, but his life had gotten rather busy lately. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No need to apologize,” Thor replied easily, waving Steve into his room. Try as he might, Steve could not remember ever being inside Thor’s personal quarters before. He assumed it would have been as memorable as this sight of the greatest chaos Steve had ever laid eyes on would no doubt be in the future. He was even tempted to say that not even Bucky could mess a room up like this, but maybe it was just the weird mix of normal and very alien things scattered around randomly in Thor’s room that made everything appear worse. “Your friend requires all the attention you have to give.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhm… not… not all of it… not lately,” Steve admitted sheepishly, which Thor did not seem to pick up on. At least, he did not change anything about his bright, happy expression that would have given away something like slight irritation. He also could not help the pang of guilt at the realization that Thor, and maybe some of the others, were cutting him a whole lot of slack in the assumption that he was busy helping Bucky get better.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, he is doing better then. Splendid!” Thor exclaimed, clapping Steve’s back so hard that he stumbled forward. If he had expected the friendly assault, it would not have moved him like this. If he had still been his pre-serum self, a couple of the discs in his back would have been permanently merged with his esophagus now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is,” Steve confirmed, because it needed to be said, even though Steve felt he had relatively little to do with all the progress Bucky was making. At least, it sure felt like Bucky was always taking steps that Steve had not expected at times when he had done nothing that he could have taken credit for, even if he had wanted to. That was just Bucky though, a hero in his own right and not just in connection with Steve. He would fight anyone who tried to tell him otherwise any time. He was not there to talk about Bucky though. “Look, I just thought you should hear it from me… before I tell the others.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t understand, I have no particular connection to-” Thor started to talk before Steve could find the right words to say what needed to be said. That left Steve with very little time to consider his words carefully before he had to clear up what, or rather who they were talking about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve met Loki, outside of here, repeatedly,” Steve stated, stupidly as he realized a split second later when Thor’s expression darkened considerably. Now that was the last thing Steve wanted!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Loki!” Thor bellowed, already starting for the door when Steve managed to grab his arm and hold him back. He had to doubt that Loki would be very amused, if Thor broke down his door to yell at him for violating the terms of his stay over a misunderstanding. Granted, the violation of terms was more of a fact than a misunderstanding, but Steve did not want anyone to yell at Loki for it anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, wait!” Steve exclaimed, trying in vain to come up with the correct words he had not been able to think of so far. “I… we’re… I love him!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Thor commented with a deep frown. At least he had come to a standstill though, so Steve could let his arm go. Of course, he had seen Thor angry and in the mood for battle a whole lot of times, so Steve could be reasonably sure that was not what he was gearing up for. That he was really not sure what exactly it was that he was not able to read from Thor’s expression that moment was not reassuring though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, Loki was… I think he just wanted to unnerve me a bit at the beginning, but… we spent time together and… things just progressed from there,” Steve explained nowhere near as smoothly as he had hoped he would before everything had started to go south. Then again, what had he expected would happen in a setting like this? “I swear I only have honorable intentions.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Those are tremendous news, my friend!” Thor exclaimed so joyfully that Steve braced himself for a clap on the back that would throw him across the room. What he got instead was a hug so tight he could not breathe for several long moments.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Glad to hear you approve,” Steve wheezed, patting Thor’s back with both hands, hoping it was an universal enough sign for Thor to understand he needed to let go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I do!” Thor stated earnestly while Steve tried to catch his breath. “I will teach you our customs when it comes to asking our father for my brother’s hand in marriage.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s really-” Steve started to say before the real impact of what Thor had just said hit him. Suddenly it was perfectly clear why Loki had been so amused when Steve informed him of the wording he intended to use when assuring Thor that he was damn serious about Loki. “Wait a second!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In all honesty, after having to explain to a - thank god - mostly confused Asgardian that Steve did not intend to marry his brother - at least not yet, not that he had said that when he could barely dare to even think it - the prospect of talking to the rest of the team was suddenly not quite so unnerving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was until something that Steve should have seen coming, but had not, come back to bite him in the ass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Four months ago you were asexual and now you’re - what? - Lokisexual?” Tony exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air indignantly. Since Tony was one of the people who had tried to set him up with people occasionally, Steve supposed he was mostly sore over the fact that Steve had found somebody by himself instead of giving Tony the chance to take credit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some form of demi-sexual, I’d assume,” Sam piped up, the grin on his face saying that he was only doing it for shits and giggles. He also did not look overly shocked, but Steve’s questioning look toward Natasha was met with a blank look that did not exactly lend itself toward assuming she had told him. “But I think he likes the term you came up with, Stark.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To tell the truth, Captain, I had my suspicions,” Vision of all people stated before anyone else found the right words to tell Steve he had fucked up without wording it like that. At least one of them was going to tell him bluntly before they were through with this, Steve was sure. He would do his level best not to tell them to mind their language. “Not concerning your dating habits, but when it came to Loki. He has been very docile as of late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do-” Tony started to repeat before he nearly choked on the word and the laughter it inspired. “What color did he turn Rhodey’s hair just two days ago? And what was that with the bats in Wanda’s room? Still waiting for the results on the rabies tests, by the way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Purple,” Natasha commented dryly, though the corners of her mouth were twitching slightly. “And I remember somebody laughing their head off. More than just one somebody actually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the way Tony, Sam and Wanda winced, Steve found it easy enough to figure out who exactly had laughed at poor Rhodey’s plight. To be fair though, Steve would have liked to see a picture of that. He was going to ask Loki to tone down the pranks a little… maybe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We all expected worse when he came to stay,” Wanda said in her still thick accent that had grown a little weaker over the months though. Steve might only imagine things, but he thought that she did not look upset over the business with the bats. She probably doubted that any rabies were involved just as much as Steve did then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does nobody care that Steve’s finally getting laid and it’s a maniacal alien sourpuss?” Tony questioned in all too blatant disbelief. Steve had to say that he really felt good over how nobody raised any immediate concerns though. Hell, he knew all the ways in which his connection to Loki might become problematic and he was sure that all of them were all too aware of them as well. That they did not go and rub it in his face was a nice sign of trust, Steve felt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m ecstatic,” Clint deadpanned when Tony kept staring at him for too long. The way Clint shrugged immediately afterward and did not look all too upset altogether did not speak for any real objections. “Not my business though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suspected that it was you causing this commotion,” Loki, for once in his usual male appearance stated as he strolled into the common area perfectly casually. At least, that was how he was trying to look. Steve was rather sure that most, if not all of the others would be fooled, but Steve had spent enough time seeing Loki relaxed lately to know what it looked like when he was not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Steve replied in greeting with a smile. It would take a much more naive person than Steve to think that Loki had picked this moment for his entrance randomly and without knowing that it would be just the right time. He was also sure that Loki pulled him into a kiss to demonstrate something rather than because he really wanted to that moment, but that did not keep it from being a goddamn breathtaking kiss that Steve returned nearly without hesitation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Objections?” Loki questioned with one of those smirks that Steve was sure he would hate just a little, if he did not in fact love the person they came from that much. And holy hell, had he told Thor that he loved Loki earlier without ever telling Loki in those words before? He was going to bleed for that one, no doubt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll barf if you keep doing that, how’s that for an objection?” Tony answered, gagging for effect, which Clint seemed to find amusing. Sam and Natasha were more exasperated than anything else, while Vision and Wanda simply did not appear to care at all. In general, all the reactions he had gotten were better than Steve would have hoped for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Overruled,” Steve decided before he leaned in to give Loki a much more tame peck to the lips just to make his point. If he had ever thought, or rather feared, that kissing Loki in his male body would be weird after getting used to the female, that worry had turned out to be unfounded. Tony could gag all he wanted, Steve was surer than ever that this was right.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to CyanRaven and RenneMichaels for last chapter's reviews!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Somehow, Loki’s visits became both more and less casual after everyone was in on their little secret. On the one hand, it felt like Loki was walking in and out of Steve’s apartment as he pleased and completely unapologetic, even more than before. Not that Steve ever felt like Loki was acting like he was doing something forbidden that he should have felt apologetic about in the first place. Not that Steve had expected him to, even though to Steve it would have been the natural reaction to sneaking around the way they had done. He himself had certainly felt more guilty than he had fully realized until there was no reason to feel like that anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the other hand though… Well, Steve was not completely certain if Loki even felt it, or to what extent, but to him it felt like the visits were more meaningful all of a sudden. Or rather, certain things Steve had not questioned before suddenly seemed like they held a whole lot of meaning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Most of all, it was a little peculiar, to say it cautiously, that Loki still insisted on wearing his female form every time he visited. Call him a coward, but Steve simply did not know how to ask what that was all about in a respectful and tactful manner, so he kept quiet about it. The oath Loki had sworn was still an issue, but since everyone knew that Loki went out to see Steve ever so often, getting permission to leave the compound would hardly be an issue anymore. Loki was definitely smart enough not to ask Tony for permission and everyone else would not hesitate to grant it, if not for Loki’s benefit then for Steve’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, Loki simply might have felt more comfortable being with Steve like a couple while he was technically a woman, which made Steve wonder about the kiss they had exchanged back at the compound. It had not felt that different from all the others, except for the fact that they were much more even in the height-department while they were both men. Steve would actually call that a good thing as well, since it made everything work easier and with less consideration for positioning. The kiss had for sure not felt worse in comparison to him, but maybe Loki felt differently about that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steve, I am not certain this makes sense,” Loki suddenly commented, which Steve supposed meant to address something that was happening in their movie of the evening. Steve could not help thinking that she might as well have spoken about the things going through Steve’s mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?” Steve hummed, just to show that he had sort of, kind of listened, though he had not watched the movie with nearly enough attention to know what was going on. He definitely did not know what exactly Loki might be confused about. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>How was Steve supposed to find it in him to be interested in some kind of dumb action movie that Bucky had recommended when Loki was cuddled up to his side, acting like it was in no way strange that she was… well, a woman when she was actually a man. Then again, for all Steve knew Loki was actually for all intents and purposes a woman when she was with him, so it was not fair to say that it was not just as real as the male Loki that everyone else knew so much better than the one Steve had his arm around that moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would they not simply blow up the building and be done with it?” Loki questioned, which Steve did not fully comprehend since he was busy trying to figure out how to address the topic without being insensitive about it, or being the old man everyone kept saying he was anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” Steve replied noncommittally. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose you would do it,” Loki asked sweetly and in an encouraging tone that should have given Steve pause before he answered, but unfortunately did not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” Steve answered with a light shrug. He realized that the slight quirking of Loki’s lips likely meant he had made a mistake, but was caught up thinking about how that same amused smile would look on Loki’s male face. He also figured that he was getting slightly obsessed with the issue, but how could he not when he had to wonder what exactly was going on in his relationship. It certainly felt like Loki was invested just as much as Steve was, but then why did he insist on keeping up the disguise? Was it for Loki’s own comfort? Steve would not call that bad in any way. If Loki was doing what felt right to him, or her as the case may be, then that was completely fine. Then again, if Loki thought he had to keep up the image Steve had grown used to, because Steve had failed to make it obvious that he had no real preference when it came to Loki being male or female… .</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If this movie bores you so much, why don’t we take off our clothes and find something else to do,” Loki suddenly deadpanned. It was more the way how she was saying it than what she was saying that made Steve realize that he had to pull himself out of his own head and actually pay attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, what?” Steve asked, feeling his ears heat up both from being caught not listening and from the shame of having done just that for too long. It was really not polite and Loki deserved to be treated better than that!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh that gets your attention!” Loki huffed, swatting Steve’s chest in a way that was clearly not meant to hurt him, but made clear that Loki had set out to let Steve feel her frustration anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, I was just… wondering,” Steve apologized, ending a little lamely, since he did not quite know how to express what had been going through his head still. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wondering,” Loki repeated after him, an eyebrow raised curiously. Steve supposed it was a better reaction than he had expected when Loki had still been thinking that he had simply not been interested in their evening together. At least, it looked like Steve had the option of saying the right thing here, even though it would be hard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you - uh - did you not like the way I kissed you back at the compound?” Steve finally asked bluntly. There more than likely simply was no good way to ask something like this, so getting it over with quickly was likely the best option. If Loki actually felt like Steve had problems kissing him as a man, that was something he was sure they could work on as soon as the issue was out in the open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would you think so?” Loki replied with a deep frown, that Steve found oddly reassuring. At least, it did not look like Loki had already been thinking it, not knowing how to tell Steve, or trying not to come into a situation where he would have to tell him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You… you haven’t given me a chance to kiss you as a man since then, so I thought… maybe you felt my technique was lacking,” Steve explained, feeling every bit as idiotic as Loki seemed to think he was judged by the exasperated look on her face. In his defense though, Steve thought he had done reasonably well just rolling with the entire sex changing thing so far. That did not mean he was above feeling any doubts when the issue suddenly seemed more present once again though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could certainly use more practice,” Loki commented just snippily enough that Steve wanted to apologize immediately. He did not get the chance to say anything before Loki rolled her eyes showily and pressed her lips to Steve’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steve, what is so hard to understand about the oath I swore?” Loki questioned once she released Steve again and he had caught his breath enough to be able to think clearly. As clearly as he was able to think with Loki around that was. Sometimes he felt like he was never more of an idiot than when he was trying so damn hard to do things right in regards to Loki and their relationship. Unfortunately, Steve had never known how to stop trying too damn hard, even if he knew it would likely be the better option.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing, I mean everything, but I think I get the gist of it,” Steve admitted. One of these days he was going to ask Loki to tell him more about magic, so he could feel a little less out of his depth every time something magical came up, but as things were he could only apply the logic he was familiar with to everything and was left with half an answer at best that way. “It’s just… with the way things are now, everyone would give you permission.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Loki raised an eyebrow at Steve this time, it looked even less amused than before, which made him think that he had made a very obvious mistake just then. Loki tended to get very impatient and annoyed when she felt like somebody was wasting her time with stupidity, as he had learned over the weeks. She could also be the most patient and kind person when it came to question she deemed interesting and smart though. Lucky for him, most of Steve’s questions and antics did count as interesting to Loki, at least so far.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Okay, nearly everyone,” Steve corrected himself quickly, since he was well aware of the fact that some of his friends would not be overly forthcoming when it came to Loki. The point still stood though and since the oath never specified who exactly could give Loki the permission he needed to go outside without breaking it, that left him with a whole lot of options. “Hell, I could give you permission, couldn’t I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Certainly,” Loki replied easily, looking a little more pleased with Steve, which let him know that he had at least figured something out correctly. The issue at large was still mystifying him though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, I give you permission to leave the compound to come visit me whenever the hell you want,” Steve stated, intertwining the fingers of his right hand with Loki’s. He could not allow himself to start and question the wording he had used too much, since the guilty feeling was already starting to set in, even without further inspection. “God, that felt wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wrong?” Loki asked, a half-grin playing over her lips that Steve could not quite make sense of. Surely Loki already knew what was wrong about this entire permission business when it came from him specifically. Then again, Asgard was a rather strict monarchy, so it stood to reason that they had different ideas when it came to the role of leaders. Loki should have been so used to being on top of the command chain to still know what was wrong about all this though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I shouldn’t have that kind of power over you,” Steve explained what irked him. The fact that Loki did not look surprised spoke for her already guessing or knowing what Steve was going to say, but there was a soft fondness to her expression all of a sudden that caught Steve by surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm, a noble thing to worry your little head about no doubt,” Loki remarked, cupping Steve’s cheek in her free hand. “Noble, but useless.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t get it,” Steve admitted after thinking about it for a few long moments. Luckily it seemed like Loki was willing to give him some more time to think before she would consider him an idiot for not figuring it out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It looked like Loki was pleased to know that Steve was not comfortable having power over her, but was completely sure it would not be an issue, at least not when it came to the topic of being able to leave the compound as a man. She had also said that Steve could give her permission though, which meant that he could have the kind of power over her that made him uncomfortable. Could, but did not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d have to ask for permission,” Steve finally realized, thinking back to what exactly Loki had sworn back when he had arrived at the compound with Thor. The wording had demanded for Loki to ask permission, not being given permission. That would of course change things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which I won’t do,” Loki insisted and the puzzle pieces were fully coming together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I… okay,” Steve replied, stopping himself from saying anything more. This was not about him and had never been about him. It was all about Loki and Loki deciding that even though it was him who had to live with the restrictions, it was also him who held the key to losing them and that was everything he needed to be content with the situation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay?” Loki questioned, her lips twitching in amusement once again. It was obviously not the answer she had expected, but likely in the very least close enough to the one she had hoped for. And really, what else was Steve supposed to say? He was not going to put pressure on Loki over something that ultimately meant not that much to him. Male or female, Loki was Loki and if it made Loki feel in control of the situation to bend the rules instead of playing by them while really only restricting himself, then who was Steve to tell him otherwise?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s your decision,” Steve explained with a smile, before he settled back, resolving to stop worrying about stupid stuff for the rest of the evening they had together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So it is,” Loki agreed, cuddling into Steve’s side once more. Her hand found his thigh after a few long moments of trying to get back into the movie that was reaching a climax that meant nothing to either one of them since they had missed quite a chunk of it. “It was a wonderful kiss, Steve, just like all your kisses.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Glad to hear it,” Steve laughed, leaning in to press a kiss to Loki’s temple.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still could use some practice though,” Loki added a moment later with a wicked grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They did not pay attention to the end of the movie after all.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to RenneMichaels and CyanRaven for the reviews! You guys rock!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>At times Steve thought that he had spent too much time around agents and spies and had learned too much about questioning everything, everyone’s motives and being distrusting in general. Then there were the times when he realized that he still held on to the stupid notion that friends were people who could be trusted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, Bucky tells me that you and Loki haven’t actually… done the deed yet,” Sam stated conversationally as they were walking down the street.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was not exactly unusual for Sam to come by to see Steve now and then when there was too much time between missions and briefings and he just wanted to hang out. It also was not unusual for Sam to prefer not to stay at the apartment and go elsewhere. All in all, Steve had really not been prepared for the turn this visit had very quickly taken. In his surprise, he swallowed a little too much air and started to sputter and cough until he had to stop walking and lean forward for a long moment to breathe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wha-? Bu-? Why?” Steve stammered, as soon as he could get some air into his lungs again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He thinks that kind of stuff bothers me,” Sam answered with a light shrug and Steve had to admit that his reasoning made more sense than it should have. Bucky would say just about anything to get a rise out of Sam, which very likely also was why Sam preferred not to hang out at Steve and Bucky’s apartment. Natasha theorized that Bucky was showing some kind of territorial behavior when it came to being Steve’s best friend. While Steve agreed that the theory made sense, he refused to be glad that Bucky did not pee on his leg, as Natasha had suggested. “It doesn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve took a careful deep breath before he continued walking, not gracing Sam’s statement with an answer. Maybe the topic would simply go away, if he ignored it enough. Not that he really believed that would work better than it had every other time he had attempted something alike. Instead, Steve busied his mind wondering why Bucky was not showing any signs of resentment toward Loki. Granted, Loki and Bucky were not competing for the same spot, not that Bucky and Sam were either, even though Bucky seemed to view that differently. Maybe it also helped that Loki had not been present during everything that went down in Washington. Then again, Bucky did just fine with Natasha as well and did not actively antagonize any of the others. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t get me wrong, dude, I’m not keen on hearing that kinda stuff, but it doesn’t blow my socks off or anything,” Sam clarified, which Steve thought was fair enough, even as he shook his head in disbelief over his friend’s continued antics.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, where are you going with this?” Steve finally questioned when Sam did not say anything more and they just continued walking down the street. Like most of his friends, Sam liked to make fun of Steve now and then, but he would not just throw a topic like this at him without any sort of reason behind it, now would he?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know, people in the forties had sex too,” Sam answered without even seeming the least little bit embarrassed about it. It really was not fair, since Steve already felt his face turn red and he had not even said or done anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sam, are you trying to kill me?” Steve asked without expecting an answer, if he was being realistic. He really had to start wondering which ones of his friends did not attempt to kill him now and then though. Bruce, was the only one that came to mind. Vision was too firmly attached to Tony’s hip to count as a safe bet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And hell no, I’m not gonna try and tell you how to…” Sam went on talking conversationally as he steered them toward the Walmart that Steve generally avoided, especially when he had Bucky with him. Too many people, too many things, too much potential for a whole lot of confusion for both of them. The fact that Sam was clearly leading the way here made Steve less nervous about not finding a damn thing, but did not help with the bad feeling that had settled at the pit of his stomach. “If you’re doing it right, you ‘nd Loki will have fun figuring that out by yourselves.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are trying to kill me,” Steve stated with conviction, feeling his ears heat up so much that he was sure his entire freaking face had to be cherry red. It did not get any better when Steve realized what Sam intended to purchase, or rather that Sam did not plan to buy anything, but expected Steve to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The condoms we get these days are definitely better than what the army handed out in your day,” Sam confirmed what Steve had already feared was going on. For a moment he was tempted to get in a little payback and just inform Sam that he had of course already bought a couple of boxes. Unfortunately, he was sure that he could not sell a lie like that convincingly enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m dead and in hell,” Steve muttered instead, even if it was a tad overly dramatic, as he had to admit. After everything he had seen of the world and heard of other worlds, the condom aisle at Walmart was hardly worthy of being called anything even approaching hellish. The general situation was very discomforting though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tony wanted to just send you a couple dozen,” Sam commented looking through the different brands on display that Steve was doing his best to ignore so far. Since he doubted that Loki intended to have any children anytime soon, Steve of course was not opposed to the thought of contraceptives. What he was opposed to was buying them quite like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For once I think I’d have preferred Tony’s way,” Steve deadpanned, though the idea of receiving a package he had no idea was coming with that kind of content was not too comfortable either. Also, knowing Tony, he would have made sure to send it with a delivery service that offered helium balloons and singing telegrams or something alike.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, big guy, if you’re not man enough to buy your own, you’re not man enough to do it,” Sam concluded mercilessly, taking a box off the shelf and showing it to Steve for good measure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve resolutely shook his head at the XXL condoms Sam was showing him. That was excessive for sure, though to be fair Steve had no real idea how sizing in that department went. It was not like he had a whole lot of material for comparison. After all, he did not tend to look downward in the occasions when he was in a locker room or something alike.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure?” Sam asked, bringing the heat in Steve’s ears to new and before unknown heights. Of course, he was not sure, but that was not something he intended to discuss with Sam at that place and time, or ever really. He also would have liked to snark about expectations and people setting themselves up for disappointment and him for failure all the time that way. His wish not to talk about that kind of stuff any more than absolutely necessary was stronger though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To Steve’s mortification, Sam simply selected a couple of different boxes and told him to try them on later. To be fair, it was likely the best solution to the problem, but Steve would have appreciated it most, if he had been allowed to come up with his own solutions to his own challenges. That was not even to mention the fact that Loki was an alien, a male alien, who looked like a humanoid female, so really the talk that should have happened should not have involved Sam at all, but Loki instead!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything else you think you should get?” Sam questioned before he seemed finally willing and ready to leave the aisle and then the shop that Steve would never set foot into again. Looking at it like that, it was just as well that Sam had taken him to a store he did not frequent usually.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I might be a little out of my depth here, but… not as far as you’re making it sound,” Steve stated, taking a very brief look at the other items around the isle. Most of the stuff was some kind of lubricant, massage oils and the like. Even if there was anything there that would be good to have, if… when the moment came, that was something to be discussed with Loki first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know my way around a… woman’s body,” Steve added when Sam only raised an eyebrow at him sceptically. He was well aware of the fact that ‘virgin Cap’ was the evergreen when it came to jokes about him next to ‘old man Steve’, but he had kind of assumed that most of his friends knew that those were only jokes. Well, the extent the jokes took it to was more than only a little ridiculous anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only around?” Sam questioned with a grin just before they walked up to the check out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not having that talk,” Steve pressed through his teeth, trying very hard not to think about what picture the two of them made to the cashier that moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to have it with someone, if you like it or not,” Sam stated after paying for their purchase and that was one more thing Steve tried very hard not to think about. It was impossible not to when Sam handed him the paper bag on the way out of the store. As much as Steve liked to give everyone and especially his friends the benefit of the doubt, he was too damn sure that Sam knew exactly what he was doing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know that communication is important, okay? I’ll talk to Loki, of course,” Steve replied, hoping to finally end the topic that way. He was going to talk to Loki and Loki alone. Sam of all people should be able to respect that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I meant one of us,” Sam clarified before Steve was even done thinking about how Sam was better than prodding where it was definitely not wanted. It was just as well that he had not finished that thought then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I don’t think so,” Steve objected, feeling the stubbornness rise with every passing second. At least, they were back on the street and if Steve was not completely wrong on the way to a coffee shop they frequented every now and then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a betting pool, Steve,” Sam said with a smirk that said nothing good about the details of the betting pool he was talking about. “Stark will make you talk, if you force his hand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell did you bet on?” Steve asked against his better judgement. Chances were he did not want to know, but it looked like Sam wanted him to be aware of at least some of it, or otherwise he would not have mentioned it like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did we not bet on?” Sam replied with his own question that let Steve know that things were about as bad as he had expected. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to tell anyone a word about anything anymore!” Steve vowed, which he figured was the point of Sam telling him about this in the first place. There clearly were no secrets, or at least his friends thought there would not be any, no matter how private the issue. They were wrong! “Including Bucky!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dammit, Bruce is going to win the jackpot,” Sam huffed, just before they reached the coffee shop. Steve just hoped they could have a more typical afternoon from that moment on. Maybe he could forget about some of the embarrassment he had been subjected that way.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to RenneMichaels for last chapter's review! :-D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Oh God,” Steve breathed when Loki pulled her sweatshirt over her head, which not only bared a whole lot more of her perfect, pale skin to his eyes, but also made her roll her hips against Steve’s where she was sitting in his lap when she flung the shirt across his bedroom like it had personally offended her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve suspected that the shirt might become number six in his ever growing collection of Loki’s discarded clothes that she never bothered to pick back up again. In fact, Steve had already cleared one of the compartments in his wardrobe just for Loki’s things a while ago. He was also sure that he had never in fact seen Loki wear the two pairs of socks and bra that had been added to that compartment when he had not been looking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Loki only grinned at Steve’s exhaled praise and moved in for a kiss that started soft enough, but ended with Loki biting Steve’s lower lip and soothing the slight ache she had created with her tongue afterward. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another moan was startled out of Steve when Loki guided his hand to her breast. They had done this before, but Steve did not think he would get used to it anytime soon and once that happened he was still sure he was not going to grow tired of it ever. Still, thoughts of Bucky and Sam intruded before Steve could shut them out, making him fight to hold back the next moan that wanted to spill over his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You seem uncomfortable, oh Captain mine,” Loki purred, petting Steve’s cheek even as she leaned more heavily into his hand. Steve had to bite back on another moan, though he was just about ready to say to hell with it and not give a damn about anything other than what Loki was making him feel that moment. He should have done that from the start really, but with all the things that had gone down the past two days… .</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Being more or less forced to go and buy condoms with Sam had been bad enough, but Bucky asking what the rubbers in their trash were all about over breakfast the next morning had been the icing on the cake. No, Steve had not been so stupid to just put the ones he had actually… Well, trying some on for size before he actually needed one  had seemed like the smart thing to do, even if the suggestion had come from Sam… Anyway, he had not been so stupid to just put them on top of the trash already in their trash can, but apparently Bucky was very well aware of everything in there, which was a little detail Steve had not known about. It seemed as disgusting as it had been inconvenient, but most of all it made Steve feel like he needed to question how well adjusted Bucky actually was once again. Not that going through their own trash was unacceptable behavior, if that was the end of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just… uh… you said you could… did you… ?” Steve tried to get enough order into his thoughts to voice his concern, which was not that easy when Loki was watching him, breathing deeply which moved her breast against his hand every time. It was utterly ridiculous, but felt oh so nice, how a scrap of satiny fabric and the silky skin not hidden by it could get him to forget most of his native language. “Bucky’s home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t fret, I too would prefer for him to have to keep guessing,” Loki replied with a grin, putting her hands on Steve’s shoulders and running them from there to the back of his neck where she let her fingers play with the hair at the nape of his neck. Steve could feel himself relaxing again quickly, which somehow made him more acutely aware of the very comfortable position he was actually in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good,” Steve stated with a smile, leaning in for a kiss to forget about his stupid worries and get back to the task at hand at last. And God was it a nice task and so so satisfying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can hardly let your friends have too much fun with their little bets,” Loki breathed into Steve’s ear when she had to give Steve a moment to breath. While breathing might be the most overrated thing in the world in moments like these, it was unfortunately a necessity if Steve wanted to proceed with the kissing for longer,which he very much did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hell no,” Steve agreed just a little too quickly to actually process what Loki had said. It seemed that was a mistake he just kept on making. Then again, this time at least he still stood behind his reaction once he fully realized what Loki had said. He only needed to question further. “How… ? How do you know about that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hear things, Steve,” Loki stated seriously, leaning back enough that she could look Steve straight in the eyes. To counteract the loss of contact, Steve moved his hands to Loki’s hips. Judged by the pleased look on Loki’s face, he had made the right move. Really, Steve did not particularly want to talk about anything that moment, but there were things he needed to know. “It is hardly my fault, if they cannot be bothered to remember I live with them at times.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve hummed to show that he was listening, but did not know what more to say. His first impulse was to talk to the rest of the team and ask them to try and make Loki feel more at home among them. Of course, it was highly questionable that Loki would even want that, even if some of the others would be willing to make the effort. Steve’s second impulse was at once more and less reckless. He had to bite his tongue not to ask Loki to move in with him and Bucky instantly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I find it hilarious that Stark was rather adamant we would not get even this far without wedding vows,” Loki added with a grin, before she rolled her hips down against his pointedly just once. Steve was utterly unable to decide if he wanted Loki to stop so they could have this conversation, or if he wanted to postpone their talk that moment. “There was a lot of support for your friend, the Falcon’s theory of love declarations before actual intercourse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As much as it sounded like Loki was taking all this very easy and was having a whole lot of fun with the team’s inappropriate behavior, Steve could not help closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against Loki’s collarbone with a groan that had nothing to do with pleasure this time around. Really, when and why had the world started to insist that such things needed to be discussed between more than just the best of friends and even then at least sort of discreetly? Granted, Bucky had shared much more information than Steve had ever wanted to have with him back in the day as well, but as far as Steve knew he had been very gentlemanly and tight lipped with everyone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My brother, the oaf, of course insisted that you had already declared your love,” Loki commented so casually that Steve hardly noticed the gravity of what Loki had just said over the way she was running her hands soothingly over every part of his shoulders and upper back she could reach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did… did he?” Steve asked, cursing Thor for running his big mouth and then cursing himself for not telling Loki himself much earlier. Okay, so telling Thor before Loki had been a very bad slip of the tongue in any case, but if Steve had at least spoken to Loki immediately afterward, maybe it would have been half as bad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I understand you were attempting to put him at ease,” Loki stated with a shrug that finally made Steve sit up straighter and look back at her again. It looked like Loki was not only convinced that she had said the truth, but also completely fine with it. The reaction struck Steve as wrong, looking at how close they had been for weeks now and currently were as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I… I just wish I had told you first,” Steve objected. Not finding the courage and resolve to tell Loki before the love confession happened in front of Thor instead had been a mistake, but not setting the misunderstanding currently in the making straight would be even worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve fallen in love with you. Truly, madly, deeply, head over heels,” Steve declared, cupping Loki’s face in his hands and leaning closer until their lips were nearly touching. “I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was something about the kiss Loki dragged Steve into before he knew what was happening that was different to all the other kisses they had shared so far. Unfortunately, Steve did not think he could say that the difference was purely good. Oh, Loki was enthusiastic to the point of exuberant, which Steve would not call bad at all, even though he had slight troubles keeping up. There was also an edge of almost desperate possessiveness, almost violent disbelief to it that Steve did neither understand, nor like. It was not like he was going anywhere and he would assume that Loki had no reason to think he was trying to put distance between them and get out of their relationship after all that he had just said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not your smartest decision,” Loki chidded, once she was ready to give Steve a moment to breathe. None of what he thought she had conveyed in the kiss had made it into her tone of voice, but things like that were hardly out of the ordinary when it came to Loki. The picture Loki wanted everyone else to see was too often different from what was really going on and while Steve thought he was privileged enough to get a glimpse of the real picture regularly, he was not an exception to the rule.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not exactly a decision,” Steve clarified, running his right hand through Loki’s hair and bringing the left back to her hip. Their position had gone from purely sexual to conversational and now to pleasurably comfortable over the course of the past hour or so. Steve did not want to wonder if anyone had a winning bet for that kind of scenario, so instead he turned his full attention back to Loki. “You are that amazing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Flattery will get you everywhere,” Loki hummed, leaning forward until she could steal Steve’s breath away once again. He could feel that something else was going on, but could not bring himself to open his eyes again until Loki pushed away from his chest ever so slightly so she could let the straps of her bra fall from her shoulders and then fling that piece of fabric to some corner of the room carelessly as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God,” Steve breathed, exhaling soundly as he tried to compose himself while simultaneously enjoying the view. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take that as another compliment,” Loki grinned, shuddering in a very gratifying way when Steve ran his hand from her hip up her chest. It might have been the not quite literal heat of the moment that drew Steve’s attention to the actual fact of how warm his hands were in comparison to Loki’s now bared skin, which seemed to have quite the pleasing effect on her. In the very least, her voice for once sounded anything but controlled when she whispered into his ear: “Now, Captain, what must I say to get into your pants?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhm… pants off, soldier, we don’t have all day?” Steve suggested with a good portion of humor in his voice that did not completely hide the fact that he was not using a command he would have ever thought of by himself</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dare doubt that would work,” Loki replied with a chuckle that moved the soft flesh of her breast in his palm in a very interesting and definitely distracting way. It was almost enough to forget about the actually somewhat embarrassing turn the conversation had taken once again.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d be surprised,” Steve admitted sheepishly, because… well, it was the truth. Why exactly it had in fact worked, he would not be able to explain, if his life depended on it, but it sure had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Interesting,” Loki said, both amusement and fondness in her tone. The way she mapped out a trail from his shoulder to his ear with quick, soft kisses was what definitely got Steve’s ears cherry red once more, but also made sure he did not give a damn. “I do hope we have all day, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Other than Steve had expected, Loki actually did put her sweatshirt back on later that day. It would have been kind of inappropriate not to when they were having dinner with Bucky, which probably helped with making that decision. Steve did find her bra hanging off the reading lamp in his bedroom though.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The 14th chapter on the 14th. Not exceptionally romantic, but still happy Valentine's!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to RenneMichaels and kuzibah for last chapter's reviews! They motivated me to edit and upload faster. :-)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You dirty liar,” Bucky accused when Steve went to the kitchen to get himself a cup of coffee. He had meant to go back to his half finished drawing immediately, but apparently Bucky had different ideas. “I thought we’re best friends.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wha-?” Steve questioned dumbly since he had no idea what the hell Bucky was so upset about. Granted, Steve could not claim that he had never in his life lied to Bucky, but he was damn sure that there was nothing big. If Bucky had found out that Steve had in fact thrown out a couple of makeshift knives Bucky had hidden all over the place when he first moved in, he would own up to it, of course. Not before he knew for a fact that Bucky was talking about that though. “Buck, what are you talking about?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Twelve USO girls my ass,” Bucky snorted, pouring himself a cup of coffee as well. At least, Steve thought he had an idea of where the talk was going to go now, even though he really wanted to be pretty much anywhere else than leaning against the kitchen counter next to his best friend who was starting with a topic that Steve was more than done discussing now. A Hydra base with a million bad guys to punch would have been a good place to be just then, for example. Maybe even a dentist’s office. “Sex-happy former virgin.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” Steve complained immediately, though he was not entirely sure what he was objecting to. The moniker Bucky had bestowed upon him for one, but also the allegation that he was a liar, now that he knew what Bucky thought he had lied about. Actually, Steve thought he was protesting the way Bucky was talking to him in general. Period.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just saying, the way you’re walking on air with that dopey grin? Not a guy who’s gotten laid before,” Bucky shrugged, before he nudged Steve with his elbow, just this side of too hard.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve blinked a couple of times, cupping his coffee mug between his hands as he tried to figure out what exactly Bucky was referring to. He did not think that he was acting differently that day than he had over the past weeks in the very least. Not to mention that he was no more or less a virgin than he had been a day ago. Sex-happy, Steve had to admit very grudgingly, was maybe not exactly an incorrect way to describe it, though it was still awfully crude.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I told you-” Steve started to reply, even though he had a feeling like whatever he said could and would be used against him anyway. Letting Bucky know that he had not lied to him was still important enough to be said, even if Bucky was not going to make it easy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah yeah, but I’m not one of your Avenger friends,” Bucky interrupted, waving his hand dismissively. “They can believe you’re this innocent pillar of honesty and all things good, if they want. I know better.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s why you’re my best pal,” Steve chuckled, taking a sip of his coffee, still grinning. While he did not exactly like the way Bucky had just spoken about all his other friends, Steve had to admit that he had hit the nail right on the head when it came to what made Bucky so different to them. Bucky had first hand knowledge of the Steve Rogers who got into fights he had no hope of winning head first, the Steve Rogers who went and tried again and again to get enlisted, even though it was illegal. All the others might have heard the stories, not last because Steve used them to try and explain that he was not quite as innocent as all of them seemed to think, but they clearly had troubles believing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Damn right,” Bucky agreed, clearly very pleased with what Steve had just said. In a way, Steve could not help thinking, Bucky was a little like Loki when it came to how much he liked to hear things confirmed that he already knew anyway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, God… Damn… it’s none of your business really, but… I didn’t know or imagine how big a difference it’d make when… it actually counts,” Steve tried and failed to explain to Bucky why he was acting a little strange. If he was acting strange in the way Bucky thought he was in the first place. Granted, smiling was easier these days than it had been in a long time and he might feel a little… lighter altogether.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What the hell, Stevie?” Bucky sputtered, putting his cup on the counter with a little too much force. It was pure luck that it did not shatter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you really need details?” Steve groaned, already knowing the answer. Apparently, what he had said had not only done no good when it came to explaining what he meant, but had also annoyed Bucky again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hell yeah, ‘cause none of what you just said made a lick of sense,” Bucky stated emphatically, crossing his arms in front of his chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve sighed deeply and looked into his coffee cup for a long moment as he considered the tale he had to tell carefully. He had never told anyone about the details before and did not intend to go into too many now, but it still felt indiscreet somehow. Not that he expected that many of the women he would be talking about were still alive and even Bucky had no chance of finding them, even if they were. Not if Steve did not share any names or other details.So he started to talk about how any of the encounters with the USO girls who had taught him everything he knew about how to touch a woman before Loki came along had gone down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At first, Steve had simply been happy to get an actual chance to help with the war effort. That was until he figured out that they intended to use him as nothing other than a show pony, of course. It had been the loneliness that came with travelling across the country and being far from everyone and everything he knew for the first time in his life that had made him search for contact with the dancers. Most of them shared his experience when it came to that part of the story. Steve had found it soothing to an extent to listen to them talk about everything they missed back at home, but also about everything they found exciting about the tour they were on. Even though his opinion on everything would change drastically once again a while later, it was that appreciation that made him enthusiastic about what he was doing for the first time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What Steve had not expected was that especially the women who had been on the tour with him for longer, if not from the start, were taking his search for companionship for something else entirely. One memorable evening, after one of the women had asked him about the people waiting for him back at home, to which he could only say that he had no family left and a pal fighting in Europe, there was a series of quick, but still cautious knocks on his door after the last show of the day.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really, Steve? You used me and your poor mother to get laid?” Bucky interrupted with a snort that made Steve roll his eyes at him. He had not used anyone or anything for any kind of purpose that he had been aware of at the time. Trying to find common ground and forming a connection to the only people who were a constant in his life at the time could hardly count as something nefarious, now could it?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ignoring Bucky’s interjection, Steve continued his tale. The fact that he had fully believed that the dancer, whom he would not name, because Bucky being Bucky meant that he could and would find her or her descendants even now, if he set his mind to it, had come to him because of some kind of problem, made him feel really foolish in retrospect. In his defense, it was not that uncommon for the women to ask him to make minor repairs for them or open jars and the like. The fact that her lipstick was smeared all over his lips before he could even ask what he could help her with at least spared him the humiliation of getting that all wrong back then.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Was that the first kiss I didn’t help you get?” Bucky interrupted yet again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up, Bucky,” Steve retorted, which was already gracing the stupid joke with more of a response than it deserved.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s sad, actually,” Bucky concluded, but waved his hand for Steve to continue already, before Steve could tell him to shut up again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve had not been lying when he told Peggy just before Project Rebirth that he had never had a longer conversation with a woman before and while he had listened attentively for a while by the time the dancer sought him out, he could not claim that he understood women by any stretch of the imagination. So when he stood there, still just trying to catch up to what the hell had just happened and the woman suddenly started to talk about how she was a good girl and was dreaming of a white wedding, he really had not known what to say other than to reassure her that he was sure she was indeed a good girl who did her family proud. It was in no way his intention to get her to suggest that there were still certain acts that did not count in the grand picture of things.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hell, he could not have suggested something like that, if he had wanted to, since he had not been aware of that kind of thing at the time. Bucky, who had always been his one great source of knowledge when it came to all things women, had never made it sound like there was anything that did not count. In the following months he learned that at least some women had a very different idea about that though. In fact, it nearly seemed like there were more acts that did not count than such that did and Steve… well, he got to participate in quite a few of those.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, I guess you could say I’m the guy who doesn’t count,” Steve finished with a self-depreciating shrug. Back then he had certainly felt strange hearing again and again how what they were doing did not count, but in a way it had been comforting to know that he was not ruining any future plans for anyone, while still giving them what they wanted that moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Believe me, Steve, it counted,” Bucky snorted into his coffee in amusement. His tone said all too clearly that he thought Steve was being extraordinarily naive that moment. It was a tone Steve was better acquainted with than he had ever wanted to be. “They probably still tell their great-grandkids about that one time they touched Captain America’s dick.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“C’mon, Buck,” Steve complained while cringing badly at the wording. Besides, he had a feeling that if anyone was in fact talking about him that way, it was more about him touching them. At least back in the day and in the context of those encounters, Steve had always preferred touching to being touched. That way he could do something good for somebody else, please them and have them pleased with him, instead of just taking pleasure that he could do without. It was only later, with Peggy and now with Loki that he actually wanted to be touched as much as he liked doing the touching.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve was not going to tell Bucky about any of that though. What he had said already sounded bad enough. Besides, it was not like Steve was trying to claim that he had not enjoyed himself with the USO girls on some level. It was not their fault that he only found out what he was actually looking for much later.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What? You’re probably still among the top three of the least slutty Avengers and consorts,” Bucky insisted, which made Steve cringe for a different reason. He really did not want to think of his friends and co-workers in terms like that and did not want to wonder what they got up to in their spare time, who with and how frequently. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The way Bucky patted his back amiably before Steve could go back to his drawing was more than welcome though.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Steve supposed it would shock some to know that he spent most of the remainder of the day drawing almost nudes of Loki in a whole bunch of poses, but it was not like any of them were ever going to know. Loki was certainly pleased when she came to visit and offered to pose for more all too readily and that was all that counted.)</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to leahelena and RenneMichaels for last chapter's reviews!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Uhm, Steve?” Bruce called after Steve just when he wanted to leave the laboratory and see what the others were up to. The nervous tone in Bruce’s voice did not exactly make Steve look forward to what would follow. When Bruce had something to say, it was always worth hearing though. “Just… you look really happy lately. Good on you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve blinked slowly twice before he smiled at Bruce and said his thanks. He did not need anyone’s blessing, except for maybe Bucky’s, but it was good to know that he had it nevertheless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something about listening to Bruce talk about his newest experiments, some of them involving Tony as well, half of which Steve had absolutely no hope of understanding, always got him hungry, so his next stop was the kitchen. Steve could never be sure who exactly he was going to find there, but it was just a matter of fact that somebody was always on the search for something edible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello there, loverboy,” Natasha greeted Steve before he even saw her standing there. Being surprised by Natasha of all people was no shame though. Now being ambushed by Thor, that would have been embarrassing. “Why does your best buddy tell me that all your previous bed partners only took advantage of you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve swallowed nearly hard enough to choke on his own spit at that and could only stare at Natasha for a too damn long time. All of a sudden he was not very hungry anymore and doubted he would be for a while. Not that he would get away with just leaving at this point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t know, Nat, why does my best buddy tell you things like that?” Steve snarked once he was sure he had his voice under control. He was not exactly proud of the snarkiness that Natasha likely did not deserve, but it was a defense mechanism that some of his friends and admittedly most of his enemies always brought out full force.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Looks like the sexual awakening of Steve Rogers has awakened a lot of things,” Natasha replied with a grin that let Steve know that he did not want to continue this conversation and he definitely did not want to know what exactly she was talking about. Hey, if Bucky and Natasha… well, it was hardly the worst that could happen, though Sam might feel differently about it. Actually, thinking about it, Steve really needed to advise Bucky against making a move on Natasha just to piss Sam off. He suspected that Bucky knew a move like that could cost him his head or worse, but it would not hurt to make sure. “Don’t use that as a title, if you ever write a book about your experience, by the way. Somebody already used it for-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To be quite honest, Steve had not even been aware of the fact that he had backed away until he was basically already standing in the hallway and could close the door on Natasha before he learned one more thing he did not want to know. He had a feeling that he would only have to use google, if he ever changed his mind and did in fact want to know.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, Loki did not open the door when Steve knocked, which meant that Steve could not ask to borrow some of the snacks he knew Loki kept in his room. As it turned out, Loki was very fond of snacks and always made sure he had access to some. Steve suspected that at times he also simply took stuff from the communal kitchen so the others could not have it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just when Steve was about ready to admit defeat and go find Tony to hear about his ideas for all sorts of new gadgets for the team and likely a bunch of improvements to Steve’s suit and shield that he did not want, Thor came around the corner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steve, my friend!” Thor exclaimed in his usual, joyful and too loud tone, just a moment before he pulled Steve into a tight hug. How they went from there to sparring, with Steve still yearning for a snack, Steve actually did not know. Not that it mattered much when his back hit the floor for the third time in a row just before Thor offered his hand to to pull him to his feet again. Steve had never known when it would have been better to just stay on the floor, had he?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are things going between you and my brother?” Thor questioned after helping Steve up for the fourth time. For a very reckless moment, Steve wanted to tell Thor that everything was going very well. Loki would hardly appreciate that kind of indiscretion though, especially not when it was Steve talking to Thor of all people. Apparently, the look on his face said enough for Thor to be content and clap Steve’s shoulder anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thor, you… you haven’t bet on when we’re going to break up, have you?” Steve asked on a whim a moment later. Maybe it was the fact that he was really getting hungry and slightly cranky with it, but the thought of people, especially Thor, fishing for information on his relationship so they could figure out their chances to win one of their ongoing bets just seemed mean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would never!” Thor replied so strongly that Steve sighed in relief. A little too quickly as it turned out. “I merely wagered a coin on the fact that Loki will be the one to end things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve had no idea how he did it and he doubted he would ever be able to replicate the move that did it, but Thor’s back hit the mats a second later. He waited for two breaths before he offered his hand to help Thor get back to his feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>An hour later, Steve was walking into the apartment he shared with Bucky, a half-eaten sandwich in his hand. Apparently, Bucky had gone out. Steve might not be a super spy, but he knew what it meant when Bucky’s shoes were not standing next to the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Walking to the kitchen to get himself a glass of water and get rid of the sandwich wrapper, Steve considered what he was going to do with the rest of the day. Chances were he would not be by himself for long, but while he was he might as well finish some of his sketches. Maybe choose one or two he could actually show to Loki with pride later on and frame them. So far nothing felt quite perfect enough to live up to the real thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Steve opened the door to his bedroom, he found out why Loki had not been in his room back at the compound earlier though. He really should have known… or at least suspected… .</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is a way for me to be with you in male form,” Loki stated, which was about the last thing Steve had expected to hear that moment. It definitely was a strange thing to say when Loki was lounging on Steve’s bed, the covers pulled up to her chest, but giving the impression that she might very well not wear a whole lot under them. Maybe even… .</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that an invitation to come visit you at the compound?” Steve questioned before he lost all thinking capabilities to his thoughts of what exactly was hiding beneath the covers of his bed just then. The fact that he had seen most of Loki uncovered already did nothing to lessen the anticipation and excitement. Why was he trying to talk still? “‘Cause that’s where I come from and you were not there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you were not here,” Loki retorted with a pout that did not look heartfelt at all. It gave way to a suggestive smile very quickly anyway. “So I had to resort to waiting for you, in your bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve felt himself take a couple of steps toward his bed without making the conscious decision to do so. They had been trying to talk about something, right? Loki had said something that needed a response, or something like that. Steve thought… he was fairly certain… there was something that needed his attention. “Okay, what are you talking about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It would be easier to show you,” Loki stated, pushing back the covers and revealing that she was in fact not wearing anything underneath. Steve felt his mouth go completely dry even before Loki stood up fluently and came to stand just far enough from Steve that he could extend his hand and… .</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How… ?” Steve breathed, blinking dumbly when Loki’s pale skin turned blue bit by bit, her curves flattening by the moment until he was looking back at an undeniably male body, just a little taller than Steve himself, where the female was quite a bit shorter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Loki Laufeyson,” Loki explained with a shrug, which Steve supposed meant so much more than he was able to process that moment. He dared anyone not to be preoccupied with staring and trying to commit everything to memory when they were suddenly faced with an alien being.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, Loki, you’re so-” Steve started to say before he realized that he really lacked the words to say what he needed to express. He could not help thinking that blue had always been one of his favorite colors, which was likely a very strange thought to have in a moment like this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would it please you, if I knelt for you?” Loki suddenly asked, which broke the spell of the moment enough for Steve to realize that he must have been staring and that Loki looked more uncertain than ever. It was a look he did not wear particularly well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How… how about you just let me look at you for a moment or two?” Steve suggested, cupping Loki’s face in his hands and looking him straight in the blood red eyes. Those were a good place to start, he decided. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are a strange man, Steve Rogers,” Loki whispered when Steve started to explore the markings on his face with his fingertips, before running his fingers through his hair. Following the raised lines from Loki’s jaw, down his throat and along his collar bones, Steve made sure to keep his touch feather light, even though he really wanted to just press a bit harder, touch more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you’re a breathtakingly beautiful one,” Steve replied reverently as his fingers continued their path to Loki’s shoulders and down his arms. It was then that Steve took his hands off just long enough to pull his shirt over his head quickly before he closed the gap between them to get closer, to feel more at once.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Most Asgardians would consider this abysmal unseemliness,” Loki muttered, closing his eyes and leaning his head against Steve’s shoulder. His hands came up to hold on to Steve’s shoulders blades a moment later as he let him map out the markings on his back to his heart’s content. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve wanted to point out that he was not Asgardian and saw absolutely nothing wrong with Loki’s appearance. He could have said that there were a bunch of things that Asgardians seemed to view as desirable that he did not find all that alluring. Maybe he could have even found the right words to say that there was nothing about any of the forms he had seen Loki take on he viewed as anything other than beautiful. Instead what came out was: “Screw them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Judged by the way Loki wound his arms around Steve to kiss him breathless and then some more, he had managed to say the exact right thing anyway. When the time came, it was Steve who went down to his knees more than willingly, eagerly more like, but Loki was the one who looked so awed, he might as well be the one looking at a god. Steve did not think he had ever felt this powerful before. The fact that Loki did not waste any time to reciprocate did not hurt either.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to RenneMichaels and Darkela for last chapter's reviews!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“That guy’s so dead,” Bucky commented so casually that it made Steve cringe slightly, even though he was only talking about the character in the latest action flick Bucky had insisted they needed to watch. “Even if he’d survive the concussion from that fall earlier, he suffocated about twenty seconds ago.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To be fair, Steve agreed that the hero should not be anywhere in as good a shape as he was depicted to be after everything that had happened already. Bucky was also probably right about his estimation of how long the man should have been able to hold his breath under water. At least, the movie had not made it clear that the agent was anything other than fully human and they were at a point where Steve thought even he, and likely Bucky, would start to get seriously lightheaded from lack of oxygen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thing was, Steve was perfectly fine watching movies like these without applying real life standards, unless the movie itself made clear that they should be applied. Apparently, Bucky enjoyed them more when he thought about the ridiculous standards set by movie logic in comparison to what would be realistic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Midgardians, so breakable,” Loki snorted, before she continued to look at the popcorn bowl like she was looking for a certain piece and no other would do. Steve found he could have watched Loki act extremely picky like this for hours and feel entertained, even if he would likely never understand the logic behind it. He was sure that Loki had already eaten some of the popcorn pieces she had discarded as not good enough on the last look and he suspected the bowl would be mostly empty by the end of the movie anyway. There was probably very little reason behind it other than a strange little habit that Steve just so happened to find goddamn adorable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, you could totally hold your breath for five minutes,” Bucky snarked, like Loki had just offended him personally. Then again, Loki had spoken of all Midgardians, which did include Steve and Bucky. Steve did not feel like pointing out that he was rather sure he and Bucky could hold their breath for five minutes, if they had to, as well. There was no reason to make Bucky up the ante to ten, especially since it looked like Loki was about to take the challenge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Putting her carefully selected piece of popcorn back into the bowl, Loki shrugged and stopped drawing breath under Bucky’s very watchful gaze. She did not fall for it when Bucky grew bored sometime during minute two and moved to steal exactly the piece of popcorn she had not gotten around to eating before. However, when Steve could no longer control himself roughly another minute later and moved to tickle her sides, Loki had to laugh and then automatically breathe in once that was done. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Midgardians,” Loki commented sourly, but not in a way that made Steve think she was serious about it, wrinkling her nose in distaste for good measure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve could not say that he was even a little bit sorry, but he tried to keep the high five Bucky wanted to give him sort of discreet anyway. Since Loki was so clearly superior to stupid Midgardians like them, they were basically forced to stick together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Later that night, Loki spent some time looking through Steve’s wardrobe, only to pull out one of his bigger t-shirts and put it on for sleepwear. Steve might have mentioned that Loki did have a whole bunch of perfectly good clothing items that belonged to her in there as well just for the heck of it, but had to admit that he liked seeing her wearing his shirt too much to risk changing anything about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been invited to a gallery opening,” Steve stated instead when Loki padded from the wardrobe to Steve’s bed and then joined him under the covers. Since he had had a few moments to get cozy already, the difference between his perpetually warm skin and her by comparison chilly one hit him full force again. Strangely enough though Steve never felt like complaining about it. In fact, he felt like the two of them balanced each other out nicely that way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My poor poor Captain,” Loki commented in fake compassion that he had not been fishing for in the first place. Chances were Loki was misunderstanding what he was on about deliberately, but accusing her of just that would only lead them further off track.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I... “ Steve started to explain, before he had to suck in a startled breath when Loki moved her bent leg over his hip, pressing down ever so slightly on all the right spots with her thigh. That much for not getting side-tracked. It was pure stubbornness that allowed Steve to collect his thoughts enough to finish what he had wanted to say. “I wanted to ask, if you’d like to come, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Loki was quiet for a few long moments, keeping her leg exactly where it had been, but not moving it to get back to the distraction either. Steve had a sinking feeling that he had just broached a topic that was nowhere near as simple as he had thought it would be once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which one of me are you inviting?” Loki asked at long last, propping her chin up on Steve’s chest and running a finger up his neck, playful in a way her question was not. Granted, Loki was likely trying to play it off as casual, but Steve was not buying it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All of them, either of them, whoever you want to show up as,” Steve answered easily, because there was no other honest answer he could give anyway. “As long as it’s you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In a way, he had assumed that Loki would be in her female form once again, since that was the shape Loki took on to be with Steve outside of the Avengers’ compound every time, with one very memorable exception that was. Steve doubted that Loki wanted to walk around looking every bit like the alien he actually was and he would be damned, if Loki would actually let go of the bit of control over his so-called punishment he insisted on keeping a tight grip on by asking permission to go as himself for a gallery opening. To be honest, Steve knew that Loki simply being Loki would not go unnoticed, especially when he was in Steve’s more than friendly company, but that did not mean that Steve would give a damn, if that was what Loki decided to do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm,” Loki hummed, tracing Steve’s bottom lip with her index finger for a long moment until she came to a conclusion she could share, “Showing off your conquest to your fellow men, I see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Loki,” Steve sighed, moving his arm to wrap around Loki’s back and hold her close. The attempts at distraction were one thing, but misunderstanding what he was saying in a way that made it sound like he was objectifying her was something else entirely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can be on board with that,” Loki stated, keeping her tone light, even as her eyes took on a sharper look than before. If Steve had not been convinced that she knew exactly what she was doing before, he was now. He also could not help thinking that in a twisted way this was Loki’s offer for a sort of compromise, but it was not a compromise he could take with a good conscience. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really just want you to come, because my evening will be a lot better if you’re there,” Steve explained honestly, brushing a stray strand of raven hair out of Loki’s face and tucking it behind her ear. “No matter which of your… forms you use, or what you’re wearing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way Loki leaned into his touch and closed her eyes made Steve think that she was about to feign sleep, which seemed like one of the strangest, least refined tactics she had used on him yet. Since Loki kept her head up too much to make anyone believe she could sleep like that, Steve decided to scrap that theory a minute later. Something was clearly going on though. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you don’t want to,” Steve started to say when he was rather sure that Loki was not going to give him anything to work with anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do,” Loki admitted, uncharacteristically weakly, causing Steve to tighten his hold on her protectively before he knew he was doing it. Actually, he was noticing this kind of protective and sometimes nearly possessive behavior coming up more often lately. It would have worried him, if Steve was not quite so sure that Loki was completely on board with it so far and would kick his sorry ass severely the moment she was not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great,” Steve replied with a smile, kissing Loki’s forehead, which was about as much as he could reach without changing their position completely. Loki was holding herself too rigidly for that to seem like a good idea though. Actually, she was holding herself rigidly enough that Steve knew they were not done talking about this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are going to make me ask for it again,” Loki finally said, releasing an all too annoyed breath through her nose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ask for what?” Steve questioned, probably stupidly. He could not say that he had any idea what she was speaking of though. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your expectations, Steve, the role to play, if you will,” Loki groaned, pushing herself off Steve’s chest and into a kneeling position next to him. “Surely you have an idea of who you want to introduce as your companion.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Loki,” Steve said, pushing himself up and into more of a sitting position, so they were eye to eye.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Is that an answer or the sound you make as you realized, that you cannot have what you want?” Loki asked, not giving Steve the chance to finish whatever he had meant to say. It was just as well, since once again Steve knew exactly what he wanted to express, but had no real idea of what words to use.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“An answer,” Steve decided, using what Loki had given him to say what he did not quite know how. It was definitely the truth, which he knew was not something Loki always knew how to deal with. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steve,” Loki replied, sounding exasperated in a less fond way than Steve had grown used to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am serious,” Steve insisted, reaching out for Loki’s hand. He was unreasonably relieved when Loki allowed him to grasp it and intertwine their fingers at least. He had not meant to start a fight or anything alike, but it had seemed like a real possibility just then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So am I,” Loki insisted, taking Steve’s second hand and intertwining their fingers there as well. Her face had softened a little, like she was only now considering that Steve had really meant well and simply did not see things her way. “I will not hang off your arm, discussing tawdry Midgardian artwork, if you insist on letting everyone know who I truly am, subjecting me to the hatred of everyone in the room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve nodded slightly, to show that he had listened and understood. In a way, he really did as well, even though he could not believe that the reason Loki had laid out for him just then was the only one. It was a good one though, he had to admit that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, if I called you… Lori for the evening, you’d come?” Steve questioned after a moment of silence during which Loki seemed to get ready to settled down again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How imaginative,” Loki commented, rolling her eyes. Since she moved forward to resume her position, lying next to Steve with her leg thrown over his hip and let him pull the cover back over them without complaint, he thought she was not too upset with him this time. “I happen to know somebody by that name and would prefer not to share it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola?” Steve suggested instead. There were only so many names that were somewhat close to Loki’s real one and if Steve had learned one thing from Natasha it was that lies that were as close as possibly to the truth always sold best. “Lottie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose I could stand the latter,” Loki stated after considering the options carefully. Steve was willing enough to wait now that they were getting to an actual compromise that should work for both of them. It helped that Loki trailed her fingers up and down Steve’s chest as she was thinking and he was in no hurry to stop her. “And I could most certainly stand the hatred of all the other women who would kill to be in my place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re seriously overestimating the appeal of a hundred year old prudish spoilsport,” Steve laughed, not completely serious about what he had said. Since Tony and Pepper were going to be there as well, Loki was definitely overestimating the attention they were going to get though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh Captain, if their imagination is good enough for only half of the truth-” Loki whispered, moving until her lips were hovering over his. Steve was not quite sure, if Loki let her words trail off deliberately to kiss him, or if he interrupted her statement to pull her into a kiss, but the result could not be argued with either way.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to RenneMichaels and Darkela for last chapter's reviews! They mean a lot to me!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“There they are!” Tony exclaimed when Steve had not even been given the chance to help Loki, or Lottie for the evening, out of her jacket. He really would have hoped to get a minute or two to just arrive and get used to the feeling of being out together, but of course Tony had different plans. “Evening, Cap. Miss… Lottie, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve barely had enough time to hand their jackets to the man at the wardrobe before Loki was hanging off his arm in a way he had thought she would refuse to do as a matter of principle. Maybe he should simply give up on trying to predict what Loki would and would not do, since he seemed to be quite bad at it. Then again, it was a nice surprise, so no complaint there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That would be Miss Friggadottir, Mr. Stark,” Loki pointed out as politely as could be. Since Steve had told Loki that he had not made it a secret who he was going to bring for a companion, he knew that Loki could not be thinking that Tony did not know who she was. If she wanted to act like the two of them did not know each other better than either of them most likely wanted to, that was Loki’s decision to make though. Steve would only question why she was holding on to his arm hard enough to almost hurt. Later. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now that’s a mouthful,” Tony commented with a chuckle, before his expression shifted to something even more amused than before. Steve had the clear feeling that nothing good could come from it. “Betcha that’s what she said.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No matter what anyone might think, Steve was not naive enough not to pick up on the punchline, he simply did not think it was very funny. It definitely was not appropriate. Apparently, Loki shared his feelings when it came to this, since she too simply looked back at Tony with a blank expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? Neither of you?” Tony questioned exasperatedly. Steve was not completely sure, if Tony really thought they did not get the joke, or if he was trying to make himself believe that was the problem. Either way, he was clearly not pleased with their silence. “Uncultured swines.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice to see you, Pepper,” Steve greeted the woman walking toward Tony with quick steps. Sometimes he almost felt guilty over always being so happy to have Pepper around, because she could rein Tony in like no other. Not that Pepper was not a smart and nice woman who was good to have around in general, but her very unique superpower showed itself in connection with Tony.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s not gonna say that once he sees what you invited him to, huh Pep?” Tony stated before Pepper could say anything. She did shake Steve’s and then Loki’s hands though. If Pepper was reluctant to shake hands with Loki, Steve did not notice and Loki was not acting like she had noticed anything out of the ordinary either. So that at least was going well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The artist has entered a new… creative phase,” Pepper explained with a slightly strained smile. “He was quite good before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve could not help thinking that it was just his luck to take Loki out for the first time for the artist to decide to get worse for the occasion. At the same time, he was even happier to have Loki with him under the circumstances though. If the artwork was not much to look at, like Tony and Pepper were implying, then he would still have a priceless work of art with him anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am intrigued,” Loki commented, the corner of her mouth twitching gleefully. Honestly, Steve had not considered the option that Loki might enjoy bad art before, but he sure did now. Steve supposed he was about to see where this was going anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course you are, Miss Fri-,” Tony started to say, before he rolled his eyes and gave Loki the fakest somewhat charming smile Steve had ever seen Tony give to anyone. “How about I just call you Lottie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you insist, Anthony,” Loki replied, giving the coldest still moderately polite smile Steve had ever seen on her face. He was forced to consider that Tony and Loki would actually make a terrifying pair of friends, if they ever got around to liking each other. It was not only fear for the safety of the Earth that made Steve hope something like that would never happen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, you two have fun with the artwork,” Tony finally remarked, waving his hand toward the main gallery. “I really need another drink.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To say that Steve did not enter the actual gallery with the best of expectations after all that was an understatement. He still figured that they could have a nice evening, but chances were he would owe Loki an actually good date after this. To be fair, the very fact that Steve had ever thought it was a great idea to take Loki to an event Tony was invited to as well should have clued him in on the very likely necessity of making up for it later on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The fact that the exhibited artwork clearly had not impressed Tony in a good way and had made Pepper feel forced to point out that the artist was not quite as bad as it might seem was just the icing on the cake, really.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve was trying very hard to come up with a way of describing the paintings they had seen so far that did not include the words horrible mess. The nicest he could have said, if anybody thought to ask for his opinion was that they had only seen a handful of the paintings so far. Not that he had any hope that the rest of them would be any better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And here I was trying to let go of the belief that you Midgardians were stuck in the stone age,” Loki deadpanned, leaning her head against Steve’s shoulder so she could keep her voice from being heard by anyone else.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I’ve seen some cave art that was pretty impressive,” Steve objected good naturedly, winding his arm around Loki’s waist. It took a moment before he fully realized that it was the first time he was doing this in public. The realization did not make him want to pull away though, quite the contrary. Never mind the fact that Steve was pretty sure Tony was trying to burn holes into the back of his head with how intense he was staring.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Over the years, Pepper had invited Steve to come to art related events often enough to be called regularly. It was a nice gesture that played into something he was in fact interested in, so he had accepted more often than not. That evening, even if the artwork had been any good, Steve doubted it would have captured his attention the way it usually did. It helped that Loki had chosen not to exploit Steve’s maybe ill thought out offer of taking her out whatever the hell she chose to wear. Not that Steve would have been displeased to see Loki in one of his shirts, or something even less appropriate, but it would have drawn attention to them that he could do without. The fact that Steve suspected Tony was observing them closely was enough really.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taking a moment to look around the room at large, Steve realized that a bunch of people had arrived after them. There were some faces he vaguely recognized from other events, a few politicians and people with the kind of money to look to buy overpriced stuff to hang in their living rooms until the next best thing came around. As these things went, everybody was dressed nicely, with especially the companions of the actually recognizable people making sure to draw attention to themselves over their clothes, hairstyles and makeup. For a moment Steve wondered, if it was his infatuation playing tricks on him, but he would bet that nobody was likely to overlook Loki, even though she had chosen a rather conservative outfit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This one I like,” Loki suddenly stated, while Steve was still busy contemplating, if her dress was actually black, or really dark green, appearing to be black with the current lighting. Not that it mattered, it was beautiful either way, just like her loose hair with the slight, most definitely natural curl at the ends looked better than any hairstyle he had seen on anyone else. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice view,” Steve finally commented when he could bring himself to look away from Loki long enough to see what she was actually looking at. He had expected another one of the paintings that looked like the artist had covered himself in paint and just rolled around the canvas a couple of times or something alike. Instead he was looking out the window at the gallery’s neighborhood. “Doubt it’s for sale though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve had not expected Loki to laugh out loud in their current company, but the telltale twitching of the corners of her mouth said it all anyway. Steve was just about to lean in for a quick kiss at least when the flash of a camera chased that thought from his mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Captain Rogers!” the voice of a woman Steve thought he might have seen before called out to him. Upon further inspection, he was quite sure that he had seen her before and likely had spoken to her as well. “Would you mind sharing your impression with our readers?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In fact, Steve did mind that moment. He really needed to take Loki on a date where it was just the two of them and to a place where nobody expected to see him and get any kind of quotable things out of him for some magazine. Soon. Very soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I believe you just told me how you had never seen anything in this style before,” Loki suggested when Steve did not say anything for just a moment too long. He really did not have the capacity to think of a nice way of saying that he was less than impressed with the artist’s skill when he was already busy bemoaning the loss of kind of privacy though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Definitely. That is a good way of saying it,” Steve agreed, before he forced himself to elaborate just enough to say something about how he did not think anything alike had been around in his time. He might not be keen on talking to the press, but he had quickly noticed that they loved to hear things like that and would leave him alone easily enough once he gave them what they wanted. Most of the time Steve did not like to take that easy way out, but he would make an exception to get back to giving Loki all his attention this time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so what’s the verdict?” Steve asked once they had seen all the pictures and Steve had fetched them both a glass of water. Luckily, it seemed like the artwork was breathtaking enough for most people not to search for the conversation Steve was having with Loki.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want me to tell the truth and nothing but the truth?” Loki questioned, sipping from her glass coyly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, please,” Steve answered easily, trying not to grin prematurely. He had a feeling like Loki had already thought about how exactly to share her opinion for a while, which likely meant that he could expect quite the answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could paint better, if you used my back as an easel, even if we were in the middle of intercourse at the time,” Loki stated so casually that it took Steve a moment to realize what exactly she had said. The very vivid image she had just painted for him with words sprung into his head before he could help himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now that’s a mental picture,” Steve finally managed to reply, after working some moisture back into his mouth. It also was a mental picture that he needed to ban from his mind, if he did not want to spend the rest of the evening holding the programme in front of his crotch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you wanted, we could make it reality,” Loki, the traitor, whispered with a smirk that said all too clearly that she knew exactly what she was doing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Give me some time, I’ll come back to it,” Steve promised, even though he knew that his ears would heat up only by saying that much. He was also quite sure that Tony was watching it all and drawing his own conclusions, which could not be good in any way, shape or form.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I am sure you will,” Loki retorted smoothly, before she suddenly and unexpectedly left Steve’s side to mingle for all it looked like. Steve blinked dumbly twice, before he followed her lead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For the record, I would take you out as yourself any time you wanted,” Steve said as he held out Loki’s jacket for her to slide her arms into the sleeves. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It would suit you well to be a little less reckless now and then,” Loki replied, once she had her jacket on and turned around to cup Steve’s s face in her hands for a moment to brush their lips together. Judged by the way Loki made her statement, Steve could not help thinking that she was quite used to saying things like that, likely even to someone who meant something to her. Looking at the strange, strained relationship Loki and Thor had, Steve would not be surprised to hear his suspicion confirmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Give me a dollar for every time I’ve heard that and I wouldn’t depend on Tony’s money,” Steve replied, not mentioning any of what had been on his mind. There was no use ruining what had actually been quite the nice evening by mentioning Thor out of the blue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about we go back to your compound and you can… take me as myself all you want?” Loki suggested, causing Steve to zip up his jacket more quickly than he would have otherwise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One of these days, one of these days, Loki, you won’t be able to distract me with sex anymore,” Steve stated in a low tone, speaking as seriously as he could make himself under the circumstances and when he was not quite sure, if that was something to look forward to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dread the moment that happens, Captain,” Loki replied with a small grin, linking her arm with Steve’s once more to lead him outside. At least, she seemed to be as eager to get going as he (not so) secretly was. It never failed to help Steve’s pride, which had taken a beating quite frequently lately, to know that while Loki could reduce him to a teenager with raging hormones with a well placed word, she was actually as eager as he was.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to Ratatosk_the_old_squirrel and RenneMichaels for last chapter's reviews!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Steve, where are you?” Sam asked the moment Steve picked up his phone. The fact that Sam did not open with a warm greeting, or maybe a little joke let Steve know that something concerning was going on even before he considered Sam’s strained tone. Something concerning that Sam was trying to break to him gently. One of these days, Steve would find the right way to tell Sam that kind of thing actually made him feel more anxious than straightforward talk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At home. Why?” Steve answered, pinching the bridge of his nose hard to stay focussed and not start speculating about end of the world scenarios that were looming at the horizon and would catch up with him the moment Sam saw fit to inform him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you… uhm… don’t have some kind of lover’s spat going with Loki?” Sam questioned, which made alarm bells go off in Steve’s mind immediately. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Steve replied indignantly, before it fully hit him that the news were not only definitely concerning Loki, but might be so much worse than anything he had feared before. For all Steve knew, Loki might have gotten himself seriously hurt, maybe refusing to have Steve called in, which was why Sam was calling. Hell, it would not even take that much… all Loki had to do was set foot in front of the compound without asking anyone’s permission first! Steve was sure that his voice was anything other than composed when he added: “No! Why-?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Turn on the TV,” Sam ordered, which made Steve unreasonably angry at one of his best friends for a moment. The time he might have spent yelling at Sam to just tell him what was happening was put to better use switching on the TV, though. He was about to snap at Sam to tell him the channel at least when the TV screen came on, already in the middle of a breaking news report.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mon, it’s just a little snow. Frozen water, falling from the sky all picturesque, happens naturally too. A really, ultimately harmless experiment gone slightly sideways,” Tony was telling some reporter, while in the background a cloud so dark grey it might have been called black as well continued to unload so much snow on top of the compound that the building was barely visible. The fact that the cloud was located so perfectly over the building would have been unnatural even in the middle of winter, but the fact that outside of a small circle around the building the weather was as sunny and mild as it was when Steve looked outside his window did the rest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s lying,” Bucky suddenly commented from behind Steve, startling him badly enough to wince hard. Bucky shrugged casually and nodded toward the TV where the reporter was likely asking another question that made Tony frown. “He’d never admit it this easily, if it was his faulty experiment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The mayor and the governor are welcome to send the fines to the usual address,” Tony was saying in the same casual tone that drove Steve up the walls now and then. Bucky’s theory had its merits though. Tony was usually not that keen on taking responsibility, even if he had already been found out. The fact that for all Steve had seen he had not even tried to claim a freak snowstorm definitely meant something. “I’ll tell you once more, perfectly harmless.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you do to upset your girlfriend?” Bucky asked just as the news switched to some weatherman speculating on how that snowcloud might affect the greater climate. Steve could only think that Tony and very likely Bruce as well would have something to say to the science at work. He switched the TV off instead.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Nothing, he was-” Steve finally tried to answer something he could not answer. Actually, he would have liked to know why everyone assumed that Loki was behind that snow cloud. Even if Bucky was right and Tony was lying, there were still others who might have… .</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steve, are you still there?” Sam suddenly asked, making Steve aware of the fact that he was still holding his phone, but had not been aware of the apparently still going call for a while.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got to go,” Steve told both Bucky and Sam, ending the call as he grabbed his jacket and keys. He had to assume that at least Sam knew enough of the facts to be sure that Loki was involved somehow and that meant that Steve should have made his way to the compound minutes ago!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t get your ass frozen again! I expect you back for dinner!” Bucky called after him, sounding a lot more concerned than his wording suggested. Unfortunate for Bucky, Steve had never let that stop him before and he did not plan to start now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The drive from the apartment in Brooklyn that Bucky had liked enough to insist Steve had to keep it, even though they could have used something with a little more space, to the Avengers’ compound always took some time. Time that Steve usually appreciated as a chance for some relaxation and just riding his bike. If something that required his immediate presence came up, they could always pick him up somewhere closer with the quinjet. That day, Steve nearly wished he had requested a pickup like that as the drive seemed too damn long when he still did not really know what was going on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time Steve arrived there was a thick layer of snow on the entire building. It did not look like the snow cloud was anywhere near done either. If anyone still thought the phenomenon was newsworthy, they were at least not standing right outside the door and thus in Steve’s way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Been a while since I used my Siberian gear,” Natasha stated moments after Steve walked through the door. He had all of a second to be glad that the door was not frozen shut or something alike and then another second to be grateful that Natasha at least did not assume that he had caused all this, before she spoke again. “So, things are not going that well between you and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have no idea what caused this, Nat!” Steve protested, not letting her finish. He had heard the same too often already that day. The last time he had seen Loki everything had been more than fine between them and there was nothing that Steve was aware of that might have changed that in the meantime.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh,” Natasha commented, which did not tell Steve a whole lot about what she was thinking or anything really. At least, she seemed to believe him immediately, which soothed Steve’s ruffled feathers just a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is he?” Steve asked, worries forming an ice cold lump in his gut that had nothing to do with the arctic temperatures inside the compound. He should have taken a moment to consider wearing warmer clothes as well, but delaying this for even a minute that was not absolutely necessary seemed completely wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somewhere in that direction, where it’s coldest, I’d think,” Natasha answered, pointing into the general direction of the training rooms. That she apparently had no explanation she could offer other than the omnipresent theory of a fallout between Steve and Loki was not exactly reassuring. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, it looked like Steve’s arrival had not gone unnoticed by the others. While Wanda and Clint seemed content enough just watching him go, there was somebody else who clearly wanted answers from him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steve, my friend, what did you do to upset my brother so?” Thor asked in that booming voice of his. Steve supposed that everyone who had not asked that question in person yet wanted to know the answer as well, so it was just right for Thor to talk so loudly. Unfortunately, Steve did not feel like answering it yet again, especially after he noticed something that objectively needed to be addressed much more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You… tried to talk to him,” Steve assumed, indicating Thor’s right hand that was frozen into a huge chunk of ice alongside his hammer. While that did seem like something Loki would do, it did not seem like something the Loki Steve had been with the other night would have done. There had to be an explanation for the sudden change in mood and behavior and Steve sure as hell did not have it. “What did he say?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing helpful, unless I missed it amidst the foul language,” Thor shrugged, flexing his muscles enough to crack the ice around his hand. That at least spoke for no real damage done.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Steve said, nodding once as he decided that he would go in without any kind of plan or an idea of what had happened exactly. Fair enough. Not like he had not done that kind of thing before. “Okay, thanks, I’ll take it from here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, the door to the gym Loki was most likely behind was frozen solid. It sure looked like someone, Thor most likely, had already broken it down earlier, but if there had been an opening, it was replaced with ice. Steve really wished he had thought to bring his shield at this point. Why had he not brought the shield? Of course, coming prepared like that would have made it look like he was prepared for a fight and that seemed wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve took a deep breath and tried to figure out which part of the ice looked the thinnest before he squared his shoulders and made ready to throw himself against it. Maybe if he believed it would work enough… Hey, they were dealing with magic here, after all. On the third try, the ice gave in and Steve fell into the room completely gracelessly. He was in though and that was what counted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve had no idea what exactly he had expected to find, but it was not Loki standing in the middle of the room unmoving like a statue, as if he had frozen himself as well, not even acknowledging his entrance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like what you’ve done with the place, but it’s a bit chilly,” Steve quipped in lieu of anything better to say. Actually, there were a lot of things he probably should have said, but it was a little hard to think when the temperature had dropped so low that breathing felt like tiny needles were hitting his lungs. Steve desperately tried to push away the thought of crashing planes and the feeling of slowly freezing until he lost consciousness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Loki, talk to me,” Steve called, a little more desperately than he was comfortable with. The temperature seemed to get lower with every step forward at this point and he was nowhere near close enough to touch yet. “What happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At least, Loki was suddenly turning his head to look at Steve, wide-eyed, like he could not believe what he was seeing. The feeling was actually quite mutual, if Steve was being honest. He still had troubles wrapping his head around the idea that the man who had made him laugh until he was in stitches less than 24 hours ago had all of a sudden decided to turn the compound into something like an ice cube inside a snowglobe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go away,” Loki replied, sounding less like he meant it as a command, as something he actually wanted, and more like sending Steve away was a sacrifice on his part. It was another strange thing that Steve simply could not make sense of. The ever intensifying stinging sensation in his lungs did not help with the thinking process.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Steve answered stubbornly, never mind the fact that he was starting to experience brain freeze. There were only a couple more steps that separated him from Loki. Somehow, he was sure that everything would be fine, if he managed to get close enough to touch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be a fool, this room is too cold for you!” Loki exclaimed, which nearly made Steve want to laugh. Like he had not noticed how his body was shutting down bit by bit already. He was no stranger to the feeling after all. The panicked part of his brain that had wanted to run had given up at least, or more likely it had been frozen already. There was no way other than forward and he only needed a couple more steps. So what if he could not feel his legs properly anymore? They were still there and he could make them move.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I happen to know someone who could change that,” Steve breathed, hoping he was even actually talking still. It was getting hard to be sure of anything other than the fact that there was no turning back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By Steve’s estimation there were four steps left, but it might as well have been four thousand for how impossible it was for Steve to lift his foot even the tiniest little bit anymore. He wanted to try and tell Loki to come his way instead, but before he could make his mouth cooperate, Loki’s arms were around him and everything was warming up all of a sudden.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took a much too long time until Steve could make his arms work enough to hug back and then another while until he realized that Loki was shaking and breathing much too hard against Steve’s neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whatever Loki had done had warmed Steve up to a comfortable level very quickly and was apparently in the process of bringing the room and hopefully the entire compound back to normal temperature levels.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve still needed to figure out what the hell had brought any of this on. The fact that the warmest thing about the room were the tears that were all of a sudden soaking through his shirt made clear that this was not the moment though.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to lostchildofthenewworld, Ratatosk_the_old_squirrel and Mary2020 for last chapter's reviews!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It took Steve a long time to get Loki moving. By the time they walked toward Loki’s quarters, Loki was so out of it that he did not show any reaction to the fact that basically all the current inhabitants of the Avengers’ compound were watching them at one point or the other. Tony was noticeably absent, which Steve realized, but could not analyze any further when he had to make sure that Loki kept moving and stayed on track.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Over the months, Steve had learned a little about magic and magic users simply from Wanda being part of the team and going on missions with them every now and then. It seemed like a somewhat safe bet that Loki had used too much power for too long and was suffering the aftereffects. At least, Steve was more comfortable thinking the apathy and all too obvious weakness that Loki would not be caught dead letting anyone witness otherwise were all about that than a breakdown of a different kind that would stand in connection with all the tears he had shed. The wet patch on the shoulder of Steve’s shirt was a tangible reminder that that had happened as well and felt like it was weighing him down much more than it logically could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you hungry? Thirsty?” Steve questioned once they reached Loki’s room and he got Loki to sit on his bed. The fact that Loki was unwilling or even unable to let go of Steve’s arm was alarming, but did fit in well enough with the fatigue that Wanda had described to him a while ago. He would make sure that Loki got something to drink anyway, but it would be good to hear him talk and know that Loki was at least somewhat with him cognitively before he went to get anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was not exactly a surprise when Loki shook his head in a barely there motion. By comparison the fact that Steve was slowly, but surely losing circulation in his hand due to how hard Loki was holding on to it was rather surprising. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the end, Steve did not get a chance to go anywhere and fetch anything. It took him some time, but he finally remembered about Loki’s snack hoarding and with some difficulty managed to get a box of oreos and a can of mountain dew from Loki’s bedside table. If that was not enough to revive Loki at least a little, Steve did not think anything short of pure sugar would help.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a moment, right after Steve opened the box and the can, when Loki’s eyes met his and they came to the unspoken agreement that Steve would make sure that Loki ate and drank at least a little and if he had to hand feed him, which Loki could only prevent one way. Steve was more relieved than he could admit that moment when Loki lifted his hand to take one of the oreos and take a bite. It was a step in the right direction, or so he hoped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am not worthy,” Loki muttered long before Steve expected him to say anything even halfway coherent. He looked by far too pale, even for Loki’s standards and his fingers were trembling around the can Steve had put into his hand after the oreo had been gone. The fact that it looked like somebody felt and maybe even objectively was very weak did not have to mean that they could not crush objects in their hands accidentally though, as Steve had learned from Bucky during the first few, hard weeks of his stay. It looked like Loki was in control enough of his strength to keep the can slightly dented, but intact though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If all this is because of that stupid hammer-” Steve commented, after waiting for a second to see, if Loki wanted to explain himself further. It seemed like a safe enough guess that Loki had not gotten into an argument with Thor before the snowstorm started. Thor would have owned up to it earlier, if that had been the case. The topic of worthiness combined with the fact that Loki had chosen to freeze Thor’s hand to the handle of his hammer said that those three things were closely linked in his mind as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That Loki did not even let Steve finish, before he squeezed his hand just short of actually hurting and caught his eyes for the barest moment until realization dawned on Steve was better than any verbal explanation anyway. He still would have liked to know what exactly had brought all this on, but for the moment the most important thing was that Steve understood what needed to be addressed immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Loki, listen to me and listen to me closely,” Steve insisted, making sure to keep his tone both serious and gentle, “If a hammer can decide who is and is not worthy of holding it, then I sure as hell can and I can’t imagine anyone more worthy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a too long moment of silence, Steve was tempted to point out that Loki was in fact holding him quite tightly just then, if only to get an eyeroll or maybe even a tiny smile out of his… Loki. Steve never got the chance to open his mouth, and likely regret it later, before Loki basically launched himself at him and not only pulled Steve into a tight full body hug, but also knocked him back on his ass where he had been crouching in front of Loki before. Actually, as things were, they were both on the floor, though Steve was not quite sure, if Loki was fully aware of the fact. If he was, he was not showing any sign of planning to change anything about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you to come home with me,” Steve offered once Loki seemed a little more composed and in the right state of mind to make decisions again. At times it was hard to judge how much something was affecting him, which no doubt was one of those things that made Steve’s life a tad harder, but Loki took some pride in. That moment for example it was not as easy as Steve had hoped it would be to figure out what Loki really thought about his offer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will certainly be a joy to have around this evening,” Loki stated dryly, not quite meeting Steve’s eyes, which was not that easy, given that he was still basically sitting in Steve’s lap. Then again, Steve knew Loki well enough to say that if he really wanted to avoid things, he would always find a way no matter how hard. It looked like Loki was forcing himself to release his tight grip on Steve and only then realized that he had let go of the soda can earlier. The resulting mess vanished with a barely there gesture that Steve would have been amazed by, if he was not somewhat preoccupied with different matters.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Always,” Steve answered easily, before it was time to get serious and earnest once again. “Loki, I… I meant, I want you to stay with me… us, instead of here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Granted, Steve supposed he should at least consider what everyone else would have to say in the matter, but quite honestly he simply did not. The building was still not thawed out completely and looking at how everything that had happened that day had affected Loki, Steve would bet that having to stick around at least officially was not going to do any good. Chances were, it would not do anyone involved any good. The others would hardly prefer to keep Loki around, especially if Steve’s suspicion that one of them - and he had already narrowed down the list of suspects - had very likely accidentally caused all this was right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do not trust me to behave myself after-” Loki started to say, already pulling away noticeably.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Steve interrupted, reaching out for Loki’s shoulders to keep him from getting away. “It was just a little snow and nobody was hurt. Hell, if they were all smart enough to put on their warm socks and long underwear, they won’t even catch a cold.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Loki looked skeptical for a long moment, but whatever he saw in Steve’s face seemed to placate him enough to let go of the defenses he had raised. That, or Steve had not given Loki enough sugar to raise his energy levels to the amount needed for too much attitude or fight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you to live with me, because I want to have you closer at all time,” Steve explained as much as he could explain a very much spur of the moment decision that simply felt right to him. Sure, he had thought about wanting to actually live with Loki before, but he had not seriously considered making it happen this soon. Not until he suddenly had that was. “If that’s something you want, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about your friend?” Loki questioned, his eyes sharp rather than curious, even though he did lean into the palm Steve brought to his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought he already told you that he’s not leaving, so you’ll have to deal with the two of us,” Steve stated with a shrug that failed to be casual. He was sure enough that Loki did not have any actual problems with Bucky so far and that Bucky was not against the relationship Steve had with Loki. Both of them were not the type to keep their mouths shut, if it were otherwise, so Steve was sure he would have heard about it, if they had any objections. That of course did not mean that they wanted to live together, but if they wanted to give it a try at least, all of them could make it work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I must,” Loki replied with the kind of ease that Steve was sure was not real in the slightest. Not that Loki had made it anything other than obvious, that he was being sarcastic, but that simply would not do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only if you want to,” Steve insisted, making sure to catch Loki’s eyes, even if he made it hard. This was important to him, too important to screw up and too important to just assume that Loki was actually alright with it, even if he could not make himself say it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is nothing I want more,” Loki admitted softly, before he kissed Steve to end the moment of vulnerability. This time when he pulled away, it was to stand up and gather the few things he had that he wanted to take with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Bucky had rendered a two year search for him pretty much useless by simply showing up in front of Steve on his morning jog one day, all he had said was that Steve was the only thing in the world he had anymore. It was a while later that Steve admitted that it was a sentiment that was just as true in return. Bucky was the only person alive who knew Steve as anything other than Captain America. Bucky knew Steve Rogers, the punk kid from Brooklyn who got into fights he had no hope of winning because he believed it was the right thing to do regardless, when everyone else knew the man who got into fights he believed in and could be reasonably sure he would win. To this day, Steve thought only Sam and Natasha really understood why Steve would have given up everything he had in this strange new world, if it meant he could keep Bucky with him. Luckily, push never came to shove and compromises were found before Steve had to prove it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All that was not to say that Steve did not care for his other team members, did not think of them as friends, but it simply was not the same. None of them made him feel like he could impossibly continue to even still exist as Steve Rogers, if they were not around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was until Loki had kissed him and had set them on this path to love that Steve had not thought was open to him anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In all honesty, Steve had not expected much resistance, as he and Loki walked to the door with the clear intention of leaving. He had thought that some of his teammates would have something to say about it though. Apparently, he had been wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The only thing that happened was Natasha winking in his direction conspiratory in a way that made him feel a little warm in embarrassment, while Sam only smirked knowingly. If all the others had thoughts to share, they were not around to do it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Loki stopped short a couple of steps from the door, Steve suddenly remembered that Loki would have to change into one of his other appearances before they could leave. That definitely did not sit right with Steve, when Loki was not going to live there any longer. He would have to ask Thor about a way out of this oath business in the next couple of days. Loki had more than proven that he could roam free, if he wanted to anyway and did not cause any trouble because of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steve,” Loki said, averting his eyes for a moment before he fixed them on Steve’s and squared his shoulders, “May I leave this place?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If anyone had thought to ask him, Steve would have had to honestly say that he did not think Loki trusted him completely. Of course, Loki had never said that he loved Steve either, but that was one thing Steve never questioned. There were too many clear signs that made it unnecessary to hear the words to make them any more real.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Having Loki’s love and now knowing that he had his trust as well was more of a heady feeling than Steve had been prepared for. Apparently, it showed as well, since Loki was giving him a strange look that melted into fondness after a moment, even as he was still waiting for Steve’s answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anytime you want.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to lostchildofthenewworld, CyanRaven, Darkela, RenneMichaels and Ratatosk_the_old_squirrel for last chapter's reviews!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“That Steve Rogers,” Bucky muttered the moment he caught sight of Steve and Loki entering the apartment together. “One day he brings home a girlfriend, next day a boyfriend. Ma always said he was a bad influence.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To be fair, Steve considered calling ahead to let Bucky know that he was bringing Loki home to stay, so it was not thoughtlessness on his part when exactly that did not happen. It was more that Steve did not have much of a chance to do it without Loki noticing and if Loki had noticed, it would have made everything look like a much bigger deal than it was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Besides, Steve figured that Bucky would not mind. He was at least not completely wrong, since Bucky only stood up from the couch and walked to his room. It was not how Bucky acted when something, or rather someone, bothered him. At most, he would need a little time to process everything, but Steve figured it was more about giving him and Loki some privacy than about Bucky himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Funny, my Ma said the same about him,” Steve commented with a shrug. To be fair though, Steve was pretty damn sure that his mother as well as Bucky’s had been very glad that they were not hanging out with any of the really rotten apples on their block. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The wry smile Steve’s joke got out of Loki was at least something and to be fair, after everything that had happened, Steve had not expected much in the first place. As soon as Steve started to clear up some more closet space to give Loki room, it looked like Loki was relaxing a little more. Not that Steve had to make that much of an effort, let alone sacrifice anything, since his closet was half-empty in the first place. He had simply spread out the things he had to make it look less like the place was too big. As things were, Steve’s clothes were more compressed, but still had enough space, but there were free compartments for Loki’s things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a moment, Steve was not sure if Loki was in the mood to actually claim the offered room, but just when he was about to ask, the corner of Loki’s mouth started to twitch and he started to pull clothes from thin air. Steve blinked a couple of times, but when he was looking again, Loki was still lifting an empty hand just to have a piece of clothing in it a moment later. As much as Steve had expected something in that general ballpark, actually seeing it was still something else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After watching for a few long moments, Steve was suddenly struck with amazement that came from a completely different source. In a way, it was similar to the overwhelming feeling of rightness he had felt when Bucky had first moved in, the feeling of not only having a place to live of his own, but having a home to come back to. Now that Loki was filling the first shelves with his things next to Steve’s, it felt like the logical, absolutely and undoubtedly wonderful extension of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What occupies your mind, oh Captain mine?” Loki asked after letting Steve stare for a little while. Apparently, he was done humoring Steve by conjuring things to fill the shelves with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You. This,” Steve answered and, because he did not know how to say it better with words, pulled Loki into a kiss. The way Loki melted against him allowed Steve to think that he understood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not regretting your decision then?” Loki quipped, putting his palm against Steve’s chest, right over his heart. If Steve had been inclined to believe that Loki was really joking before, the gesture would have given him away the latest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was strange, in a way almost funny, how insecure Loki actually was behind the wall of unaffectedness he was putting up for everyone to see. Steve did not feel like laughing about it though when he had to assume that there were by far too few people who could and did look through it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not at all,” Steve answered, wrapping his arms around Loki’s waist to hold him close. He hesitated for a moment, but then decided to say something else that was on his mind as well. As little as Loki seemed to like having proof that someone was seeing more than he wanted them to, he had made at least small exceptions for Steve over the months, which gave him hope for another one. “And I promise to do anything so you don’t regret yours either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Loki’s entire body went rigid under Steve’s hands for a few long moments, but then he gradually relaxed. Another while passed before he nodded ever so slightly. Apparently, that was about as much as Loki could allow since he went back to pulling things from thin air soon afterward. Steve did not comment when he placed a couple ancient looking tomes on shelves that Steve had not cleared before, mixing his own books with the ones Steve had already stored in them. It was definitely a good sign and as clear of a message as Loki had ever given him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky only emerged from his room after the take out Steve had ordered had been delivered. Luckily Steve had long since learned what to order to get Bucky in a good mood every single time, so there was no need to lure him out before he was ready. Stuff like that barely ever went over well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you’re staying?” Bucky questioned after he had made sure to secure a good share of the spring rolls and most of the fried vegetables. Steve had thought that he had ordered more than enough of both and then some other things that Bucky liked as well, but apparently Bucky was not quite that confident. “Good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At least it seemed like Bucky was partially busy figuring out how to get all the food he wanted before Steve and Loki could have it and thus could only do so much shittalking. If Steve had known that things would work out like that, he might have caused the situation on purpose. As things were, he had simply gotten lucky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Since Loki also liked the spring rolls, Steve did not get lucky on that front. He would gladly let the other two have them, if it made them happy, though. Besides, Steve was fondest of the fried rice anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, there was only so long anyone or anything could get Bucky to keep his mouth shut. Steve would be more annoyed, if he was not quite so happy about Bucky retaining that bit of himself and showing it off pretty much from the first moment he had come back into Steve’s life to stay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want any Lucky Charms, buy your own,” Bucky stated casually, but still making clear that he was laying down the ground rules. “Bathroom time over twenty minutes is a privilege, not a right. Milk goes inside the fridge, but don’t you put the peanut butter in there. I like that shit easily spreadable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve had to bite his tongue quite literally, so he would not point out that Bucky hardly ever put the milk back into the fridge after using it. If he wanted this to work out, he could not place himself between Bucky and Loki. The two of them needed to figure things out and if they did butt heads too much, Steve could still step up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was that all?” Loki replied in an unimpressed tone that Steve figured was at least a little fake. Otherwise he did not know why Loki would be digging his fingers into his thighs under the table. Bucky would not see from his vantage point, but Steve did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Break his heart, I’ll break your nose,” Bucky added after a moment of consideration. His tone was not hostile exactly, but it was the matter of fact, borderline emotionless tone that Steve really did not like to hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buck,” Steve stated before he could stop himself. Loki did not show any kind of reaction to Bucky’s tone, or his words. Not that Steve could see anyway. If anything, it looked like Loki had expected as much or considered it a reasonable threat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ice goes inside the fridge, too,” Bucky added, as if the last thing he had said had not been so drastically different from everything before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Funny,” Loki commented, huffing out a breath through his nose. Steve was looking, as discreetly as possible, but could not find any other signs that Loki was really unhappy about the jab Bucky had just aimed at him. Not that Steve thought he should have been. What had happened was not that much of a big deal all things considered, which Steve had already told Loki as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was. Seeing Stark flail to come up with excuses gives me life,” Bucky replied with a grin that Steve did not see all that often. It was not quite the same he knew from the Bucky of his childhood, but it was about the same he remembered from successful missions during the war, when they had gotten away more narrowly than any of them would have liked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I take it, you are not particularly fond of him,” Loki stated, sounding like his interest had been piqued. Steve supposed that was exactly what had happened as well, especially if Loki wanted to get along with Bucky and was looking for common ground. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s mutual,” Bucky answered with a shrug that Steve knew was nowhere near as light as Bucky wanted it to look. “But that is a story for another day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Later that night, after Loki had spent precisely twenty-one minutes in the bathroom, much like Steve had expected he would, they were lying next to each other. It was by no means the first time they were in this position, but it was the first time Loki was not there as a visitor. It took a little longer for Steve to even realize that it was also the first time Loki was looking completely like himself. Not that it made too much of a difference, when it was Loki either way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At least attempt to think more quietly, when I am trying to sleep,” Loki mumbled against Steve’s neck, failing to sound honestly reprimanding. Steve was quite sure that Loki had more than enough things on his mind as well, understandably.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Steve apologized anyway, petting Loki’s back and focussing on the feeling rather than anything else to silence his thoughts. They were nothing he could not concern himself with later.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to Ratatosk_the_old_squirrel and CyanRaven for last chapter's reviews!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Feeling too cold was one of the top three reasons for Steve to wake up in the middle of the night - ironically - sweating. The shivering that always followed very quickly made more sense all things considered. It took a few moments until Steve could get his breath to come slower and thus also slow down the erratic beating of his heart and lessen the very uncomfortable thudding of his pulse in his ears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The time between realizing that he had only been dreaming and actually feeling that way always felt endless, though Steve was rather sure that it would only be a couple of seconds, a minute at most, if he were to time it. Not that it was so important how long it actually was, when every moment felt like forever for as long as it lasted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was the damndest and most frustrating thing that Steve could rationally know that his mind had played tricks on him, but could not get his body on board with it quite so easily. Sure, Steve knew how to force himself to breathe deeply and slowly, how to clench and unclench his hands, until his body got the message and stopped trying to convince him to panic, but that did not keep him from feeling like the process should have been much easier. Mind over matter and all that. Oh well, whatever worked was good enough when it came down to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once he was reasonably calm, Steve realized with a start that the other side of the bed was empty when it should not have been. It only made him feel slightly guilty, that Loki’s absence was actually a welcome coincidence that moment. Steve really would not have wanted to wake Loki up like this, especially on his first night after moving into the apartment. The thought that Loki very likely would have questioned what Steve had dreamed of made him even more glad to wake up alone. Loki did not have to know that Steve’s mind had decided to throw half baked memories of getting frozen alive at him after the day they had had. It was not like it was the first time that Steve had had a dream like that. Loki really should not have to feel guilty over something that would have happened either way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kicking his legs until they were freed from the tangled blanket, Steve finally got out of bed to see where Loki had disappeared to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they had moved in, both Steve and Bucky had insisted on reinforcing the walls of their bedrooms just enough to not let all completely normal sound through by the standards of super soldier ears. Loud noises would still make it through, which was for one due to practical limitations and for safety reasons, but they would not necessarily wake up every time the other had to use the bathroom at night. The moment Steve opened the bedroom door, he immediately got a pretty good idea of where Loki was and what he was doing. That was if Bucky had not decided to watch movies in the dead of night. Actually, Steve thought he might find both of them there until he caught sight of Loki sitting by himself with a bowl of chips that looked strangely untouched.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve walked over to the couch casually and smiled when Loki moved to make space for him immediately. It was as much of an invitation as Steve thought he could expect, so he sat down. The fact that Loki immediately leaned into him made Steve happy enough that he only barely pulled a face once he realized what Loki was watching.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You realize that that’s just someone’s version of events and not what really happened, right?” Steve asked cautiously. He did not want to be too much of a spoilsport, if Loki actually enjoyed his movie of choice. If Loki actually thought that he was watching some sort of documentary though, Steve really had to set that straight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And here I thought time had simply been very kind to you,” Loki deadpanned, reaching for his bowl of chips. Steve did not particularly like that he found himself questioning, whether Loki was snacking because he suddenly wanted to, or if he was keeping up appearance. It was not a question he was going to get to the bottom of that night, he was sure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Admit it, you’re wondering what I’d look like with that beard,” Steve retorted, keeping the topic and the conversation on the light side of things. He could not claim that he had seen more than one or two of the movies about Captain America that had been made over the decades, but he was painfully aware of all of them thanks to people showing him clips and pictures anyway. The one Loki was watching most likely had been made during the seventies, if Steve was not remembering wrong. The actor chosen to play him was one that Steve had been shown pictures of a lot of times. He supposed he was not the only one wondering what the moustache and dark brown hair were all about. All in all, the guy looked more like Bucky than Steve and even then the resemblance would have been marginal at best.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Darling, I would shave you in your sleep before it ever got anywhere close to that… bushy,”  Loki declared so seriously that Steve did not doubt he meant it one hundred percent. Not that Steve minded in that particular hypothetical case. He made a mental note to talk to Loki about how acceptable nonconsensual haircuts were, if he ever wanted to change anything about his current look though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thought of waking up to a new hairstyle became very quickly inconsequential when Loki leaned in for a kiss that was nowhere near as tame as Steve had expected though. Hair would always grow back after all, but the moments he wasted not enjoying Loki’s kisses were wasted for good. Steve was once again not so sure, if Loki could not somehow read his mind, when he grinned a little too sharply and kissed Steve thoroughly once again before he settled back to continue watching the movie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It very belatedly occurred to Steve that he should have asked why Loki was up at this time of the night, but chances were Loki would want to talk about it about as little as Steve did. They could both have their little secrets, he supposed. Besides, what was one night like this? If Loki turned out to be sleepless more often, Steve could still question what that was all about. He had some hope that his own icy nightmares would not come too frequently in the near future and maybe what was plaguing Loki would leave him be as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They made a bunch of those over the years,” Steve explained while the movie was showing a battle scene that would make him cringe too badly, if he paid any attention to it. Watching one of the bad action movies that Bucky liked now and then was one thing, but this hit too close to home. “The closer we get to my birthday, the more they show them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a smirk on Loki’s face that did not bode well at all. Chances were Steve really should not have told him that there were more movies about his life out there when Loki probably had not known before. Then again he would have found out eventually anyway, especially if he was actually as interested in the movie as it seemed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are not pleased with their attempts at honoring you?” Loki questioned, frowning more deeply than Steve thought made any sense. How or why would anyone be happy to have a movie made that did not get the most basic things right? Not to mention the fact that Steve did not think he would particularly enjoy watching a faithful adaptation of events either. The one thing that particular movie had going in its favor was the fact that Steve could almost forget it was supposed to be about him as soon as the guy did not wear the uniform.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… don’t know,” Steve finally answered more diplomatically than he thought he would be. There was something about Loki’s tone that made it sound like he thought it was some kind of honor to have his story told, even like this, that had given him enough pause to consider that not everyone would share his view. “It’s mostly just weird and I don’t like how they make it look like I did most things by myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a strange expression on Loki’s face that Steve could not place at all. In a way, it looked like he could not understand what Steve was talking about at all, but that could hardly be it. It were moments like these when Steve realized how little he knew about Asgard and its culture and how easy it was to forget that Loki was a stranger in a strange land at times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Also, that never happened,” Steve pointed out when on screen Captain America punched General Philips for something considered un-American behavior. God, Steve hoped that either Philips himself or his family had sued someone to hell and back over that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Loki hummed and continued to eat his chips for another few minutes, before he pushed the bowl away and laid down with his head in Steve’s lap. Steve smiled to himself and moved his hand to Loki’s hair to let it run through his fingers. It felt the same it did when Loki wore his female form and had the same smell, though weaker, of frost and apples. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve still did not know why Loki wanted to watch a movie that was not very good even disregarding Steve’s personal dislike for all movies of the kind, but it mattered a whole lot less when Steve was busy combing his fingers through Loki’s hair and tickling his neck now and then just to make him squirm a bit. It could not bother Loki that much though, since he did not move away at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That happened,” Steve said nearly tonelessly a while later when the movie got to one of the parts he did not want to see. In fact, he had never realized how little he wanted to see it before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Loki grabbed the remote control and switched channels just before Steve and Bucky boarded the train. Homeshopping had never been as bearable as it was that moment.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to Darkela and Ratatosk_the_old_squirrel for last chapter's reviews!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“So, things are going well?” Sam asked, taking a long swig from his water bottle. Steve might have congratulated him on keeping up much better than when they had started to jog together, if he did not have a feeling like Sam would take that as some kind of lowkey insult. Also, it looked like Sam had an entirely different topic in mind for their post-workout conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Except for a Lucky Charms crisis every other morning, yeah,” Steve agreed easily. It was completely true as well. Other than fighting over their preferred breakfast cereal (while Steve stood aside, thanking God or fate or whatever for his taste buds not liking the stuff much) Bucky and Loki were getting along like they had been friends all along. To be fair, they kind of had. Bucky had only met Loki after he had already been considered an ally after all and Loki had never come across the Winter Soldier, so in the very least they had not started out enemies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, since you already proved me wrong and yourself right, I think I can say that I wasn’t really sure, if you knew what you were doing,” Sam admitted after a moment of consideration. He had the good grace to look apologetic when Steve raised an eyebrow at him. Granted, at the very start, when he had not even known, if he could realistically call Loki his boy-/girlfriend or lover, Steve himself had not been too sure what he was getting himself into. Sam was speaking about a much later point in time, though. When Steve had asked Loki to move in with him and Bucky, he had known exactly what he was doing. He had also known that it could go wrong in a heartbeat, but had done it anyway. “Pretty sure you knew exactly and did just that now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, I guess,” Steve replied, barely holding back on the sarcasm. As much as he liked knowing that Sam was having his back, there were some matters in which Steve felt like there was a very fine line between support and snooping and Sam had happily crossed it, just like everyone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, don’t tell me you wouldn’t be the least bit worried, if… Stark started seeing one of our enemies,” Sam stated a little more defensively than Steve was comfortable with. He only meant to go out for a run with a friend, not start any arguments, even if Sam had technically started it to begin with. Then again, the point Sam was making was not quite as strong as he believed it was. “Okay okay, to be fair, with Stark we would all be worried about him being converted to the other side instead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sam, stop,” Steve groaned, infusing just a tad of warning into his tone. Not that Sam was completely wrong, but… in the very least it was not very nice to make assumptions like that about Tony. He also did not appreciate the insinuation that someone might have thought (or even still think) the same about him, especially since Loki had done absolutely nothing to turn him against the others. So really, whoever thought otherwise was wronging them both.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steve, my man, not everyone is patriotic enough to get a goddamn alien to appreciate the American dream,” Sam laughed, patting Steve’s back hard enough for it to sting ever so slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, really, stop,” Steve repeated, more firmly. He definitely did not like where this was going, even if he was not being accused of anything bad really.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess we could even say that you filled him with-” Sam babbled on obnoxiously, before Steve actually reached over to put his palm firmly over Sam’s mouth. Not like he had been left with any other choice. A second later Steve came closer to saying ‘What are you? Three?’ than he had ever thought he would with Sam of all people when his very responsible and reliable friend licked Steve’s palm to get him to retreat his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Being the mature one, Steve wiped his palm on the sleeve of Sam’s shirt without further comment. He was half prepared for Sam to attempt to box him for that move, but apparently Sam’s plan was more to laugh at both their stupidity. Steve would be lying, if he said that he did not prefer that option.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, seriously though, how are things going on that front?” Sam questioned after they both were done laughing. When people said that Steve at times had this earnestness about him that was typical for who they thought Captain America was (in a good or bad sense)... well, they had clearly never seen Sam get serious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhm,” Steve replied just to stall a little, swallowing reflexively. To be fair, if anyone other than Bucky had any right to hear even the slightest bit of information about this, it was Sam. Not that Steve had asked Sam to take him into Walmart to buy condoms, but the fact that he had let it happen made for an experience that set a precedent when it came to Sam having a right to more information than he should have any right to. Still, if Steve could get away with not saying a thing, he would. “I’ll plead the fifth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t apply to this situation and you know it,” Sam retorted mercilessly, giving Steve the kind of boyish grin that made it easy to forget that Sam was actually older than Steve was, not counting any of the years he had been frozen anyway. With other people, Steve could have said that being a soldier in a war did a bangup job making people grow old fast, but Sam had been on active duty as well and had still managed to keep that side of him. When they had first met, Steve had envied that quality more than he would ever be willing to put into words, even in the privacy of his own thoughts. By now he thought he had managed to learn a thing or two when it came to just living in the moment as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. All is good,” Steve finally said as cautiously as he could when he had to smile widely at the thought of Loki. Hell, he had started smiling at the fact that he had somebody waiting for him back home as soon as he had started to share an apartment with Bucky again, but knowing that there were two people and one of them was in fact even waiting in his bed made the smile wider for sure. “Really good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Girl-Loki or boy-Loki?” Sam went on questioning, clearly encouraged by Steve’s last response. He really should have known that the questions would not stop there, especially if Steve did not make completely clear that he wanted them to stop… maybe even then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…” Steve started to reply, before he realized that there was something else speaking against saying anything more on the topic. He might have been up for a friendly talk that did not go into detail, at least for a short time, but something that he could not ignore came to mind before he could say something he would regret under those previously neglected, but very much assumed circumstances. “You got a bet going on that, haven’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In my defense, I said both,” Sam pointed out seriously and then snickered when Steve gave him a scandalized look. The scandal of course was not enjoying being with Loki no matter whether he was a man or woman that moment, but the fact that one of his best friends… “Thor agreed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Steve returned home a bit sooner than he would have thought when he left, it had nothing to do with a rising urge to go and beat up half the compound. Really, if any of them thought that Loki might try to convince him to turn his back on all that was good and right… his friends were doing a much better job than Loki ever could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then again, it sounded like not all things were sunshine and roses at the apartment either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There were two boxes yesterday. Two!” Bucky insisted in that tone of voice that Steve knew all too well from when he felt horribly wronged. Wronged much in the way a kindergartener might feel wronged, but still. Steve had the feeling that he knew exactly what boxes Bucky was talking about as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One of them was already empty and the other after you were done with it,” Loki replied calmly. Actually, Steve thought Loki sounded smug, which in the very least suggested that he was not bothered by the missing Lucky Charms. That could really only mean one thing… .</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then where is that coming from?” Bucky asked sharply, confirming Steve’s guess that Loki did in fact have some of the cereal that Bucky lacked. Steve still thought he was lucky that Loki and Bucky had decided to annoy each other in that particular manner and not any other way. Also, this was likely payback for the time Bucky had put a mousetrap into the box, which had only worked because Loki’s brain had been rather sleep addled at the time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The box I keep for myself so what is happening to you right now cannot happen to me,” Loki answered so smugly Steve could see the grin on his face even though he could not actually see it. Maybe he really should have stepped forward and given them both a reason to behave a little more maturely, but… Steve had been kind of curious to see where this was going.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about sharing?” Bucky asked and Steve really did not need to see either of them to know how that was going for his best friend. He decided to take pity on Bucky and finally walked to the kitchen to let both of them see that he came bearing gifts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never mind,” Bucky stated, sounding a little relieved, which was as good of a reason as Steve needed to just throw the box of Lucky Charms he had bought on the way home toward him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Must you spoil my fun?” Loki groaned, exaggerating his annoyance, or so Steve hoped. Actually, he was sure enough that Loki was not actually as mad as he was making it sound to step closer and greet him with a kiss to the cheek. If Loki had really been cross with him, Steve was sure the gesture would not have been allowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For the sake of peace, yes,” Steve replied, even though he was sure it did not need saying. Besides, he had let Loki have his fun at first, which he would make sure to point out later. “I’ll make it up to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Loki snorted through his nose, but his face softened immediately when Steve pulled the box of chocolates he had also bought at the store from the bag that had also held the Lucky Charms. Steve had seen the heart shaped box saying ‘I love you’ and had not been able to resist buying it. Looking at the way Loki was looking at the writing like he needed to read it a couple of times to be sure he did not miss anything, he thought it was money well spent.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to Ratatosk_the_old_squirrel, RenneMichaels and leahelena for last chapter's reviews!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They were watching some sort of documentary about shoelaces of all things. Maybe it was a documentary about shoes in general actually. Steve was not paying much attention to it when he had other things on his mind. Nothing too serious, not too worrying, but it still kept him preoccupied.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Loki excused himself to go to the bathroom, Steve knew his moment had come. Granted, he could have just waited until they were not doing something between the three of them, but that would have meant keeping his tongue for longer. So no, the minute or two he had just between him and Bucky would have to do.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Buck, the fuss about the Lucky Charms… ?” Steve started to ask, stopping when Bucky immediately raised an eyebrow at him. For a moment Steve actually started to doubt if the Lucky Charm matter was one that could be discussed in just a minute. That was until Bucky cracked a grin that was all Bucky and not a trace of Winter Soldier.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“All fun and games, Stevie. All fun and games,” Bucky stated with a casual shrug. Honestly, in this case Steve for once would have found it more comforting to know there was at least a bit of the cold calculating Winter Soldier in there. He did not doubt that Bucky’s other self would have considered all possible repercussions of annoying Loki on purpose, while he could not be quite as sure that Bucky did. Then again, Loki did seem to like Bucky well enough when they were not fighting over breakfast cereal and Steve did not think that Loki would actually harm Bucky, even if he did not. “Don’t you worry your pretty head about it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, that’s… alright,” Steve answered after worrying about it for just one more moment. Not that it would do any good anyway. Both of them had already proven more than once that they could come up with things Steve had no hope of anticipating, if they set their minds to it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Gotta be, punk,” Bucky replied, boxing Steve’s upper arm casually, before he turned back to the history of the high heel or whatever it was they were actually watching. Steve only huffed out a laugh and decided to continue letting his mind drift rather than learning about stuff he really did not need to know. The fact that Bucky was in full Bucky mode that evening gave him more than enough to reminisce about that he did not exactly like to linger on the days he was not quite as sure how well he knew his oldest and best friend anymore.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Loki returned he gave Steve a questioning look, but did not comment and only sat down next to him again. For a moment, Steve really wanted to comment on the fact that apparently Bucky and Loki had no problems sharing popcorn from the same bowl. The evening was much too nice to see how that would go though.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That whole thing with the Lucky Charms…?” Steve started to question later that night when Loki was cuddled up to him, but not yet quite ready to sleep. It was generally a good time for not too serious talks that had not fit anywhere else in their day. Loki always seemed more open to complete honesty when he felt relaxed and cozy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As much as Steve liked to think that Loki did feel right at home in the apartment, he was sure that he preferred the bedroom. At least, Loki had started to make himself at home there without being prompted anymore. The closet space Steve had cleared for Loki was filling up every time he was not looking for one and the box of chocolates Steve had gifted to Loki had found a rather prominent spot on the bedside table.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I would have thought you understood by now that I take snacking very serious,” Loki deadpanned, not sounding very serious at all. Even if his tone had not been more playful than anything else, Steve would have had an easy enough time figuring out that Loki was just fooling around. At least so far Loki had not given any indication that the prospect of an argument put him in the mood to feel Steve up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Technically, that’s not snacking, it’s breakfast. Sugary as it may be,” Steve pointed out, yelping in surprise when Loki pinched his nipple through his t-shirt for the comment. The fact that just a moment later the pinch turned into soothing rubbing while Loki set to work on one of the hickeys he loved to leave on Steve’s neck, even if they would be gone by morning, let Steve know that Loki had not developed a sudden dislike of him running his mouth though. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“In that case, I might take it a little less serious,” Loki replied, before he moved halfway on top of Steve to kiss him breathless.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The next morning, Steve did not feel bad at all over taking his time to make the bed and change into his day clothes while he could hear Loki and Bucky bicker about another box of Lucky Charms. He did not even feel more than a very brief pang of discomfort when he closed the bedroom door, so he would not even hear that much.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hey, if those two wanted to play kindergarten first thing in the morning that was fine by him now that he knew for sure they were only playing. That did not mean that he needed to sit down and be a part of it. Giving them a few minutes to get it out of their systems before he joined them seemed like the best choice for everyone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just when Steve was ready to see if Bucky and Loki were done with their morning ritual, his phone started ringing. Steve considered simply letting it ring for all of a moment, before he picked up after all. He knew that people were calling each other for all kinds of trivial reasons these days, but he still felt like he needed to make sure every time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, it was fair enough that you were mad at me at first,” Tony started to speak before Steve even got the chance to say any kind of greeting. Then again, it was not uncommon for Tony to do stuff like that, so it took Steve a long moment to understand what he had even said. “For a day, or two, or a week, at most!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tony?” Steve asked stupidly, because he knew for a fact that he was talking to Tony. What he did not know was what the hell Tony was talking about.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Didn’t expect to hear of me, Rogers?” Tony questioned with a whole lot of acid in his tone that only confused Steve further. Apparently, he was supposed to be mad at Tony, while Tony was mad at him for being mad. The situation would have been weird enough, if Steve had actually been upset over anything. Hell, if would have been weird enough, even if Steve had known what he was supposed to be mad about!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uhm… no, actually,” Steve replied with a deep frown. Usually when he heard of Tony it was not at this hour of the day, but much later, or much earlier, which largely depended on the fact if Tony was calling from the laboratory, or after a good night’s sleep. It was too late for the first and too early for the latter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Know what? Fuck you and fuck the righteous horse you rode in on!” Tony ranted on, making Steve blink slowly a couple of times, even if Tony could of course not see it. He was tempted to remind Tony to watch his language, but had a feeling that he would never live it down if he did. Besides, it was likely to just add oil to the fire.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you drunk?” Steve asked instead, though he knew that that too was likely to lead to a whole lot more cursing. Then again, what else was he supposed to assume when Tony was up much too late to be normal even for him and acting weirder than usually.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Am I…?” Tony yelled, sounding like he was choking on air and thus could not finish his question. “Rogers, I’ll admit that I treated your shmoopie, poopsie, cutie patootie… not exactly right-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait, wait. Tony, what did you do?” Steve interrupted, using a bit of his Captain voice to get Tony to at least let him get the question in edgewise. That tone of voice usually worked at least well enough for that, even if it was unlikely to get Tony to be reasonable. If anything, Steve figured that what the others called his Cap voice that made them want to stand in line and await orders only appealed to Tony’s most rebellious side, but he sure did listen to every word then.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was silence on the other end of the line, which was surprising at first and became worrying very quickly. Steve was sure he could hear Tony breathing and there had not been any noise saying that he had dropped the phone or put it away, so that was something.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The alien maniac hasn’t ratted me out the moment he got within earshot?” Tony finally muttered. Steve had to say that he really did not like to hear Tony talk about Loki like that, but it seemed he had bigger fish to fry. “That’s a genuine surprise.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tony, what did you do to him?” Steve asked, trying very hard to keep his tone at least neutral. It was not quite easy when Tony had already admitted that he had done something to Loki that sure did not sound good and that Steve still did not know about! “What did you-?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve did not even get the chance to finish his question before a suspicion popped into his head. Less of a suspicion and more of a realization actually. He had known that something had caused Loki’s icy outbreak at the compound from the start, of course. He had also suspected that Loki was not one to call himself not worthy lightly. Hell, Steve had even considered, right from the start, that as out of it as Loki had been that moment, he had repeated something that somebody else had put into his head rather than voicing his own thoughts. Steve also vividly remembered Bucky insisting that Tony had to have done something, or else he would not have taken the blame for Loki’s actions.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” Steve breathed, swallowing hard. Somehow he had not made the connection, or had not wanted to make the connection.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ha! He told on me after all!” Tony exclaimed, sounding strangely triumphant to Steve’s ears. Granted, he might have felt better about himself, if he could blame something on Loki.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, he didn’t,” Steve pointed out, even as he found himself wondering, if Loki would have ever told him. If Steve was being optimistic (to an unrealistic degree) about it, he would have thought that Loki had put this behind him and thus it did not matter enough to warrant mentioning. Letting go of an insult to his person that easily did not quite sound like Loki though.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” Tony groaned, which was muffled by something, which paired with the strange noise Steve had heard made him guess that Tony had banged his head on a table or against the wall. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” Steve admitted, closing his eyes for a moment as he considered the matter. He really did not like the possibility that Loki was not as vocal over this blow he had taken as he was over a bunch of others when the mood struck him, because he thought that Steve might on some level agree with Tony’s assessment. Steve had the sinking feeling that he was on to something there though. “But Tony, if you ever-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No need to go all alpha male on me now,” Tony interrupted, sounding a lot more like himself than he had before, which was at once good to hear and somewhat exasperating when Steve had meant to make a quite serious threat. Not that he knew what exactly he would have even threatened to do, if Tony went and put stupid ideas into Loki’s head again. In that sense it was just as well that Tony had not let him finish.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You thought I was mad at you to begin with!” Steve protested anyway, just to let Tony know that he had not missed the turn the conversation was threatening to take here. Steve was not going to get out of this feeling like he had done something wrong!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Never said that I thought you were right to be,” Tony pointed out in that snotty way he very rarely resorted to that never failed to make Steve imagine what Tony would have looked like at the appropriate age for that kind of behavior. He did not allow the melancholy that came with thinking of Tony as a preschooler, which always came attached with a picture of Howard Stark, to set in this time around.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, I should actually thank you anyway,” Steve stated (a little too quickly, to shake off his earlier thought) because he felt like it needed to be said. Tony needed to hear this, so hopefully they could clear something important once and for all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait, what?” Tony asked, doing just as Steve had expected for once, sounding like he was gaping as stupidly as he often made Steve look.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would’ve taken me longer to realize I should’ve asked him to move in months ago otherwise,” Steve explained, grinning to himself when Tony had nothing to say to that for as long as it took Steve to hang up on him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Feeling in high spirits, Steve finally went to join the other two at the breakfast table. If he kissed Loki a little longer than he would have in Bucky’s presence otherwise, nobody needed to know what that was all about. Loki was pleased enough about it to let Bucky have the last of the Lucky Charms anyway.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to lostchildofthenewworld, RenneMichaels and Tatatosk_the_old_squirrel for last chapter's reviews!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>As much as Steve would insist that both Bucky and Loki were the ones who hogged all the bathroom time they could get - even if they mostly stuck to twenty minute intervals at a time - he could admit that he very much enjoyed a hot shower that lasted longer than strictly necessary now and then. Most of the time he had too much on his plate to waste time like this, which only made the days when he did not more precious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Closing his eyes and letting the water run over his face for a few long moments, Steve allowed himself to let his mind drift to nothing in particular. The times when he could allow himself to do that were even rarer than the mornings that were just perfect for a somewhat long shower.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Steve became a little too aware of the time that had passed without him doing anything, he reluctantly opened his eyes, already searching for his bar of soap with his hand. He had only just closed his fingers around it when the soap slipped from his grasp and fell to the floor. Steve did not bother moving to pick it up like he usually would. He had other things to concern himself with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus Christ!” Steve exclaimed, the irony of which would take a couple of hours to fully occur to him. To be fair though, he was as naked as the day he had been born and had been sure he was completely alone in the bathroom just a second ago. “A little privacy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In fact, Steve was sure he had locked the door, more as a force of habit born from living with a bunch of strangers for too long. Not that a locked door would keep either of the men he shared the apartment with out of the bathroom for longer than a second. Unless they chose to respect Steve’s privacy that was. In hindsight it had been idiotic to think that they would.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Surely not from me?” Loki questioned, having the audacity to sound almost hurt. The way he cocked his head in faked - had to be faked - puzzlement strengthening the impression of a misunderstood man, who had done no wrong. Loki was pretty damn lucky that Steve was not honestly upset to begin with, because the charade was too transparent to do the deed. “After all, you have nothing I have not seen before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve…  Well, he could not say that Loki was wrong. Not exactly. He still thought there was a point to be made about surprises like this, especially since Steve’s heart was still racing in a not completely comfortable way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Granted, perhaps not so much of it all at once and in this much light,” Loki amended, dropping all pretense of innocence in favor of letting his eyes travel all over Steve’s body. It was only then that Steve became fully aware of the fact that he had instinctively covered his groin with both hands. It was neither the place nor the time to spend much thought on the question whether that made things more or less awkward. “A favor I am willing to repay, may I add.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhm,” Steve replied intelligently. This time when his heart was starting to beat faster, it was for different and much more pleasant reasons. As much as Loki was right when he said that they had basically seen all of each other before, that did not mean Steve was not rapidly starting to feel much hotter than could be explained away with the warm water still raining down on him when Loki started to unbutton his shirt. He could not help following every motion of Loki’s long fingers right up to the point where he shrugged the shirt off his shoulders and let it fall to the bathroom floor carelessly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will take that as an affirmative,” Loki commented in a casual tone that stood in stark contrast to the grin on his lips. Steve really wanted to kiss that grin off his face and he definitely needed Loki to hurry up and unbutton his pants already. The moment Steve realized that he had been staring at Loki’s hands once again, heat of a slightly different, though related kind crept up on him. “Oh how I adore that easy blush of yours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That makes at least one of us,” Steve managed to say wryly, just as Loki pushed his pants and underwear off his hips and stepped out of them. He did not cover himself even for a moment, Steve realized. Not that he had any goddamn reason to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very endearing,” Loki stated, sounding as honestly earnest as people other than Steve hardly ever heard him. That thought warmed Steve’s heart even more than watching as Loki stepped into the shower with him warmed his already overheated cheeks. Loki definitely noticed the latter as he brought up his palm to cup Steve’s cheek, letting his thumb pet it. “Peculiar, but charming.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pe- peculiar?” Steve questioned, immediately forgetting why he had thought it was necessary to talk when Loki let his hands travel down his arms until he could encourage Steve’s hands to finally forget everything about modesty as well. It was, Steve had to admit, much nicer to feel the smooth skin of Loki’s hips under his hands than to stand there like an idiot with outdated and somewhat unnecessary ideas on nudity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would think you knew that you had nothing to be ashamed of, Captain mine,” Loki purred, looking all too smug at the embarrassing, involuntary noise Steve made when he went back to running his hands over the blush that seemed to fascinate him all the more since it had spread to Steve’s chest. Steve could have resented the smugness, if not for the fact that Loki always looked like that when he could pull particular noises from Steve. He had had some time to get over any and all resentment there might have ever been. “Quite the contrary.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s… uh… debatable,” Steve pointed out, without knowing why he did, when the last thing he wanted to do that moment was debate something. Least of all he wanted to talk about morality in connection to him being the offspring of Irish catholics and a child of the beginning of the last century. Other than that… it was still hard for him to believe that he had nothing to be ashamed of, but that was a completely different matter and one he did not want to discuss any more than the other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is shameful about making the most of our allotted bathroom time by putting it together so both of us may enjoy a longer shower?” Loki questioned, aiming for innocence once again. The tone missed its mark completely when his hands moved from Steve’s chest to his back and made an unmistakable beeline for his ass. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’re trying to get on Bucky’s nerves this way, I’ll have to tell you that he went out and won’t even know,” Steve stated, sure that he could sell the somewhat reprimanding tone no better than Loki had done with the innocent one. How he could have sounded anything other than slightly breathless and all too approving when Loki had started to nibble on his neck in addition to rhythmically tightening and releasing his grip on Steve’s butt, he did not know. He did not particularly care either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shame,” Loki commented. His chuckles did very interesting things to Steve’s throat, where Loki’s lips were pressed against his skin. They also made Steve very aware of the fact that Loki would not let the topic go that easily. To be fair, Steve thought it was understandable that Loki would find Steve’s concept of shame both hard to understand and probably laughable in some aspects. Hell, there certainly were enough things that Steve simply did not get about Asgardian culture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not… uhm… not exactly about…” Steve tried to reply, very quickly reaching the end of words he could string together in a meaningful way when Loki once again tightened his grip on his ass to pull them that little bit closer together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No?” Loki questioned, sounding like his interest had honestly been piqued. It was one of the things Steve had realized over the months that Loki was much better at multitasking even in a state of undeniable arousal than Steve could ever hope to be. Hell, Loki could probably have written scientific papers that Tony would struggle to find fault with this moment, while Steve at times felt like he would forget how breathing worked if Loki continued to do certain things with his hands, or tongue, or… . “Explain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve groaned from the bottom of his heart, which had little to do with pleasure this time. He only had himself to blame really, but he had hoped beyond hope that Loki would find the proceedings more worthwhile than discussing rather abstract concepts. Apparently, he had been wrong, since Loki was suddenly willing to give him just enough space to breathe and collect his thoughts enough to talk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if you can imagine, but I’ve been poked and prodded enough to be somewhat used to… people thinking they have all the right in the world to… document parts of me,” Steve said, after taking a few calming breaths, that did not work anywhere near as well as he had hoped. It did not help that Loki might have taken his hands off him for the moment, but was using some bodywash Steve was quite sure he had never seen before to on his own chest in the most indecent way Steve could imagine possible. “We didn’t have private showers in the army either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your explanation raises more questions than it answers,” Loki stated, taking a moment to let the water remove the soapy suds from his chest and raise an eyebrow at Steve. To be quite honest, Steve did not have nearly enough blood in his brain to stop rambling and make sense in a few words. At the same time, the way Loki squeezed that damn bottle once again and set to work on his stomach, letting his hands travel ever lower, illustrated exactly what Steve was trying to explain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t… In those other situations, I didn’t… feel like this,” Steve tried to put his thoughts into words that someone else could comprehend as well. The way Loki looked at him, sharply, with an edge of blatant disbelief, made him think that he had at least partly succeeded. “God, Loki, I never- never thought-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never?” Loki asked, putting his hands on Steve’s shoulders. It seemed like his fingers could not stand to keep still, which resulted in a somewhat tickling sensation, even as Loki still looked skeptical.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not in this century,” Steve answered honestly. He did not get the chance to say or do anything else, before Loki basically launched himself at him and all he could do was try to catch him and not break his neck in a very embarrassing shower accident. Then again, it was close to impossible to care about that when Loki was kissing him with all the fierceness of a man who had only just realized how special he really was. It did not hurt that between the warm water that had brought both their skin to about the same temperature for once and the way Loki was wrapped all around him, it was hard to say where either of them ended and the other began.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And it makes you feel ashamed?” Loki questioned in sudden concern, when he had to allow Steve to breathe a solid minute or several later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. God no,” Steve replied, somewhat impressed with his own ability to form any words at all. “It makes me feel… a whole lot of other things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Show me,” Loki suggested, a twinkle in his eyes that was somewhat close, yet far removed to the one Steve had grown accustomed to over time. The difference, he realized with a start, was that it was not only lust and not even only love. There was a whole lot of happiness that Steve did not think he had ever seen Loki display this openly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t let it be said I can’t follow orders,” Steve stated with a grin of his own, fumbling with the controls to shut off the water. He was going to need better footing and preferably a bed for this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Steve had to strip the bed and put the sheets in the dryer, while Loki discreetly put a vase that had gone flying back together, later, that was more than alright. The fact that Bucky commented both with incredulous looks notwithstanding.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 25</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>So, this is the end of this story.<br/>I think I'll be somewhat daring and start editing and uploading one I haven't actually finished writing in the next couple of days.<br/>I hope to see you there!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to Ratatosk_the_old_squirrel for last chapter's review!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Steve tried his level best to get rid of the dust still clinging to him before he entered the building. On the way up the stairs, he checked out his reflection in one of the windows and determined that he did not look much worse for wear than he had when he left. At least, to his own eyes he did not. As he had learned again and again over the past months, his judgment would not be the one that counted in the end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time around, he had gotten away relatively unscathed though, so neither Bucky nor Loki should be able to find fault with that. One of these days, Steve figured, one or both of them would insist on coming along every time he went out on Avengers business so they could actually beat up whoever was responsible for the cuts and bruises inflicted on Steve. So far they were content staying home and obsessing over every little injury afterward, but eventually… .</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaking those thoughts off, Steve unlocked the door and went to get changed out of his uniform. Neither Loki nor Bucky had seen fit to breathe down his neck yet, which Steve took as a sign that the fight had not looked worse on TV than it had been in real life this time around. Even if the news were never on by the time Steve returned, he knew for a fact that both of them were watching every time. He could hardly blame them, when he would have done the very same in their position.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scratch that. In their position Steve would have insisted on coming along. He understood why neither of them did though. For Loki it was likely a matter of principle above all. Nobody had asked, or begged for his help, so why would he go and help his captors? Never mind the fact that he was on somewhat good terms with most of them and had attended the one or the other movie night over the months. Steve did not have to completely understand where Loki was coming from every single time to be able to accept that some things were incredibly complex in Loki’s mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky on the other hand would have joined every battle, even if Steve had asked him not to, if not for the fact that he did not trust himself enough to try. That reasoning, as much as Steve understood it, was a lot more troubling than Loki’s when it came down to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Steve had put his shield back on the wall, next to Loki’s helmet, which he was sure Loki had put there to tell him something that Steve did not completely comprehend yet, and had put on more comfortable clothes, he was still suspiciously alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, so he had not been gone long enough for Loki to wait right behind the door and attack him with kisses, as had happened more than once in the past when a mission had taken him away overnight, but he would have thought that the situation with that criminal in his rhino suit had been threatening enough to warrant a ‘Hey punk, you alive?’ from the living room. Of course, he would have only given a snarky answer anyway, but still.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve huffed out a laugh at his own quite stupid disappointment and went to see what Loki and Bucky were up to. Both of them were at home, if their shoes next to the door were anything to go by. At least Bucky was at home for sure, since Steve had never known him to go barefoot just because, Loki might have, even if it seemed unlikely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sixteen,” Bucky was saying, which told Steve that they were sitting in front of the TV, even if it did not appear to be on. “I took pity on him and got him his first kiss.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you now?” Loki asked, sounding about as thrilled as Steve felt after finding out what they were talking about. He had of course known that Bucky had a hand in Steve getting his first kiss back in the day, but that did not mean he liked it and it did not mean he wanted that little tidbit to be known by more people.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No need to get jealous, your alien highness,” Bucky replied just as Steve came into view. “I helped him get the kiss, didn’t do the deed myself. He might’ve been less offended if I had though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve snorted, unwilling to confirm or deny, not only but mostly because he was not even quite sure if he would have wanted to confirm or deny. It definitely would have shocked the bejeezus out of him, if Bucky had kissed him, but it might have been less uncomfortable than being grabbed by one of Bucky’s gals without much warning anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The moment Steve sat next to Loki, he had a lap full of doting boyfriend, even if Loki would likely deny it, if Steve called him out on the way he was checking for all sorts of injuries that were not there. The kiss that followed was definitely better than the one Betsy Cunningham had given him too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Stevie, did you ever… shake hands with little Steve back in the day?” Bucky asked all of a sudden, making Steve blink dumbly. Apparently, he was still doing it a long enough time later for Bucky to lower his eyes to Steve’s crotch for a moment to give him a hint.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We lived together for how long?” Steve finally made himself ask. He could feel himself blush, no matter how much he resented doing it that moment. Still, he would have thought that Bucky would be aware of such activities taking place, or the lack thereof. After all, Steve knew for a fact- </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take that as a no,” Bucky decided, ticking off something on a clipboard he had in front of him. How Steve had ignored that before, he was not sure. Then again, nothing was going the way he had come to expect, so maybe he could use that as an excuse for being a little slow on the uptake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How many dates have you been on in this century?” Bucky questioned next, which Loki seemed to find a little too interesting a question for Steve’s taste. The fact that Steve was rather sure that his honest answer would please him did not make the topic that much better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” Steve asked instead of answering. He could always tell Loki that he had in fact not been on any real dates before he had started dating him later on. Hell, he could tell Bucky as well, if Bucky actually wanted to know for friendly reasons that were not nefarious at all. Steve had the very distinct feeling that something more nefarious than simply nefarious was going on that moment though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Settling a few bets,” Bucky answered with a shrug, before he turned his clipboard over long enough for Steve to see that he, very likely with the help of Loki, had already ticked off quite a few of the items. The only one Steve could read was a bet on him using dirty talk in bed which Loki must have denied was happening. It was just as well that Bucky did not let him read the rest, since Steve highly doubted he wanted to know. “If it helps, they promised not to make new ones about your love life.”</span>
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  <span>“I figured you might find this incentive enough to answer at least some of them,”  Loki commented in a rather rare show of solidarity when it came to Bucky. After all Loki could have stayed silent and made it look like it was all Bucky’s idea for longer. Not that it was too likely that Bucky would have taken the fall for Loki for long. The two of them were quite equal when it came to that sort of thing. If Steve had not known that they actually liked each other just fine but were more comfortable acting like they did not consider each other good friends, he might have been worried.</span>
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  <span>“Uhm,” Steve finally stated intelligently, since he figured he needed to say something. To be fair, he might have been interested enough in getting the full list of bets that were going on at his expense to exchange it for some answers. Then again, he had not known how specific those bets had gotten until he had read about dirty talk. Steve was still trying to tell himself that he had not actually caught a glimpse of something about doppelgangers. </span>
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  <span>“C’mon Stevie, they’re your friends, what are the odds they’re going to disrespect your privacy again from here on out?” Bucky asked, snickering just a second later, which at least gave away that he knew how ridiculous his question had been. That at least made clear that Steve did not even have to say that he would not grace that with an answer.</span>
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  <span>“I suggest you take me to bed, or rather to your room,” Loki suddenly stated wrapping his arms around Steve’s neck. Steve was inclined to agree that was an excellent suggestion. That was until Loki leaned in to purr into his ear: “The list might have given me some ideas.”</span>
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  <span>Steve’s hands clenched and unclenched at Loki’s side in indecision. He really liked the sound of that, except for the part where he did not like the sound of that. Then again, he really liked the sound of the first and could assume that Loki had been given ideas that he would approve of, even if the source they came from was questionable at best.</span>
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  <span>In the end, Steve got a secure grip on Loki and stood to do as he had been asked. He was taking chances, but he liked to think they were definitely in his favor when it came to Loki.</span>
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  <span>“Against the wall? In costume? You taking the last bit of his virginity?” Bucky called after them just before Steve could close the door and thus shut out Bucky’s voice, unless he started yelling. He did his level best to let Bucky’s words pass him by without thinking about them at all anyway. “Don’t tell me you’re talking about fisting, ‘cause-”</span>
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  <span>Steve kicked the door shut behind him with more force than strictly necessary just before Loki broke into laughter that was loud enough that he thought Bucky would be able to hear anyway.</span>
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  <span>Maybe later, once Loki had stopped laughing long enough for them to actually get somewhere with one of the less extreme items on the list and Steve’s embarrassment had ebbed away some, he would ask about the full content of that list. Or maybe he would not. Either way, life was good.</span>
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